Wars, pestilence, plague, drought, Syracuse University football, Avian Flu, Swine Flu, Boogie Woogie Blues, penicillin resistant clap and dengue fever have all risen to new heights of terror in the recent months.
Why just recently we all had to deal with the news that Paula Abdul is leaving American Idol. If you think for one hot second that you can live without Americas favorite mushmouth since the original Mushmouth, well friend let me hear you say that when the show starts. That dead air won't fill itself and who do you really want to hear more of? Overrated Simon, "Love You Dog" Randy or that other broad who people don't like but she loves herself anyway? Be afraid.
And now, to add to all that, the father of Red Evil is back on the prowl.
That's right dear readers, Vladimir Lenin, father of the Soviet Union, has once again taken to this mortal realm to demand tribute and satisfy the People's Bloodlust.
The new murderous rampage is GROUND ZERO: BELARUS. This time, the Undead Lenin, deviously, took the form of a monument dedicated to himself and promptly leap from his shadowy perch to crush and unsuspecting merry maker, killing him dead in his tracks. The Undead Lenin, well satisfied, left his monstrous edifice of death and has since eluded authorities.
We should have known. Subprime mortgages, health care reform, GM nationalized and the end of Romo/Simpson all foretold a terrible future where the Red Menace could return to exploit the confusion and uncertainty of the Western World. Somebody check on the corpses of Stalin, McGovern, Marx, Mao and Carter before its too late.
Total Souls Lost to Communism as of 8/10/2009: 1,347,231,967,202.
Set the Doomsday Clock to 11:51 P.M.
(read the full report of this terrible deed at KSWO-TV.com)
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