Orlando Magic Draft Preview

It's NBA Draft eve,so lets check in on where things stand in the Magic Kingdom:

2017-2018 Record: Shit

Needs: PG, SG, SF, PF, C, Coach, GM, Owner

Strengths: Mascot. Stuff the Magic Dragon is adorable.

POSITION ANALYSIS:
PG - The bad news is that after the Elfrid Payton trade, all that was left was DJ Augustin and Shelvin Mack, which is an absolute abomination. They can't shoot, aren't playmakers, are average defensively and aren't young. On the plus side, they only make 13 million combined.

SG - Evan Fournier, Arron Afflalo, Wesley Iwundu, Rodney Purvis, Jamel Artis. Holy god what a nightmare. None of these guys could start for a conference title participant. None of them can score (noticing a pattern?) and to make matters worse, Fournier is making 17 million for the next 3 years, which makes him untradeable.

SF - Johnathan Simmons, Mario Hezonja, Terrence Ross. Simmons is actually not too bad at 6 million a year, Hezonja is probably gone and Ross is getting 10 million in the last year of his deal. The problem is that, again, they can't shoot. Simmons is a pretty good playmaking slash and kick type but that doesn't work if he has nobody to kick to. Hezonja had moments when Gordon was hurt but the Magic declined the 5th year option and he probably won't be back. Ross was an absolute zero coming from Toronto. Not dependable.

PF - Aaron Gordon, Johnathan Issac, Mo Speights. Issac seems like more of a SF to me but ESPN lists him as a PF so here we are. Reports are that the team will match any offer for Gordon so expect some team to max him out and screw the cap even further. That month where he was lights out from downtown was nice. Every other other month wasn't. Its also very evident that Gordon can't play anywhere but PF so Issac has to slide to the SF, or get blocked from playing time.

C- The absolute disaster masterpiece. 13 million for Nic Vucevic and 17 million for Bismack Biyombo.  The NBA's equivalent of Brock Osweiler. The Serge Ibaka trade and the Biyombo signing are the final nails in the first 6 years of this rebuilding effort.

There may not be a team in the league with less talent. There certainly isn't as more forgettable team, their failures are utterly predictable and boring. At least the Nets have a nutty Russian owner doing crazy things.

DRAFT:
Mock Tendencies - Trae Young would be a disaster. Yes he can shoot but he fell apart in college when teams started roughing him up in the second half of the season and he plays no defense. He's only beneficial if he's free to roam around and play like Steph Curry. The only problem is that he isn't that good, is smaller and the team sucks so he' would get all the attention. Bad fit.

Most Orlando-y pick - Mo Bamba. a super tall guy who can't really shoot. Sounds great, lets just slide him in right next to Gordon, Issac, Biyombo, Vucevic, Hezonja, Iwundu and Birch. Shit, we might be out of roster spots.

Better fit - Wendell Carter. This would be nice because it would mean Biyombo and Vucevic aren't playing but they're still getting paid so that would be a tough pill to swallow.

Best move - Trade back, unload a contract and hope Sexton is still available. Don't give a max contract to Gordon under any circumstance. This team is four years from being noticeable.

squawk . . . Squawk . . . SQUAWK!

Over the past few years it has been very fashionable to bash the 76ers and Sam Hinkie for "The Process", a system that tried to somehow quantify unrelenting suckage into something dignified.

It's strange that over the same period of time that almost nobody has realized that Orlando has been managed by a slightly retarded Myna bird. I swear Rob Hennigan is just 12 Mynas covered in a cheap suit that spent five minutes listening to Daryl Morey and can now repeat things like "collecting assets".

Sadly, giving Hennigan assets is like giving the aforementioned Myna an iPod. Although a bird randomly pecking at the screen might eventually download something useful, just by accident.

Orlando hasn't had a winning season since 2011 (strike shortened) and haven't made it out of the first round of the playoffs since 2009. It's baffling to look at the roster and see what years of ineptitude has wrought. Mostly boring players who can't shoot and would be lucky to be in a 7 man rotation on a title team. Confounding trades for Serge Ibaka, astonishing free agent signings of Jeff Green and Bismack Biyombo and horrible drafting of Hezonja and Payton leave the roster significantly worse than Philadelphia's. I would trade every player on them team for Saric and Embiid.

Making matters worse is that there is obviously no plan. A stupid photo of Patricio Garino signing a contract, (incidentally, if Garino signing a deal is tweet worthy then you should lock the doors and burn the building down) showed a whiteboard in the background with Squaking Rob's off-season master plan on it.

What is the genius plan you ask? Apparently it's to try and pursue any and everyone in the league who sucks. Seriously, check it out HERE.

Sweet Jesus, Danilo Galinari, Paul Millsap and Andre Iguadola are the best names on the board. Good god Luol Deng is on there, on a board for the future! That's like me trying to invest heavily in polio vaccinations. Worse even, at least polio vaccinations were useful at some point!

Two things should really shame everyone involved though. The board seems to imply that the team could get Rookie of the Year candidate Dario Saric for Aaron Gordon. Laughable. What on earth would the Sixers want with a  PF who can't shoot from the outside? The lane is already clogged up with Embiid and Okafor and Tiago Splitter. Saric fits because he can take it outside and create space, Gordon can't and that's why Orlando had to get rid of guys like Ibaka so Gordon could go from the 3 to the 4. Even Sam Hinkie wouldn't do that.

Finally, the big white board is just insulting our intelligence. There are 2 guys on it (Moe Harkless and Tobias Harris) that the team ALREADY HAD and traded away for a bunch of used jocks and a few gallons of poisonous Flint water. Making matters worse, by all the gods in heaven, Jeff Green is on the list, TWICE! The team has him now and he sucks! He sucked for Boston, he sucked for OKC when they had KD and Russ and he sucked for the Clippers next to Blake Griffin and whichever Paul brother doesn't sell insurance. Why would he get better now?

Nevermind the fact that the list also has Omri Casspi, Nikola Mirotic and Kelly "Scalabrine" Olynyk on it. How do any of the other moves help? They are all forwards with limited ability to score. No playmaking guards, no lights out 3 point shooters, no rim protectors.

This is just a feckless abuse of a fan base. I had more hope for the future after Nick Anderson missed his 11th free throw in 95. I saw more light in the tunnel watching Penny Hardaway's knee magically transform into a rusty hinge. Rashard Lewis getting busted for steroids was a ray of sunshine comparatively because it at least showed motivation to win. The only thing that would make this team truly sickening would be a boring defensive minded coach whose favorite player is Roy Hibbert. Oh, hi Frank. Didn't notice you.

All isn't lost though, it should be interesting to see if Orlando will win the lottery and take Jayson Tatum to round out the collection of forwards or fall to to the fifth spot and take Przemek Karnowski.

Either way, the Myna abides.

Uh, Now What?

The NBA draft has come and gone and the Orlando Magic haven't really done anything of note.

This is a bad sign for Magic fans everywhere. Despite the recent success of the team, the future looks none too bright and it starts with the salary cap.

For this past year it was right around 58 million and Orlando clocked in with a final payroll of 89 million. What pieces did this lavish spending buy?

Dwight Howard at 16.6 is as good a deal as you can get but the rest of the roster is scary.

Agent Zero - 17.7
Hedo - 10.2
Jameer - 7.8
JJ Redick - 7.2

That's 42.9 million dollars on guys you can't win a championship with if they're in your top 3 best players. Combine that with Dwight's 16.6 and your spending 59.5 million on a terrible team. Combine that awful financial statement with the fact that the cap is probably going to be go down after the new CBA and it seems impossible that Orlando can fix this thing.

They only have one hope and that is for the new CBA to have an Allen Houston rule where you can wipe one salary off the cap, even though you still have to pay it. If Otis Smith reaches the conclusion that Dwight has to be traded, which is likely, then he must strong arm some team into taking Gilbert Arenas too. You could make the case that Hedo would be good enough but if the team gives up Dwight they need the relief. It'd be better to let Dwight leave for nothing than to trade him alone.

If you can get Howard and Zero gone through trade and erase Hedo through the Allen Houston Rule you've trimmed 44.5 off the payroll. They should also let Reddick and Nelson go for as little in return as possible and that would save another 15 mil.

Of course that doesn't include what you take back. If the trade happened with the Lakers and Orlando got back 2 or 3 out of Gasol, Bynum and Odom, the salary back would be between 21-38 million, depending on who you get. That still leaves the team with a hefty payroll but if you can trade 44.5 million of Howard, Zero and Hedo and replace that with 38 million of Bynum, Odom and Gasol, not only do you still save money but you can actually win with that core. Depending on what Boston does, Orlando would either be the third or fourth best team in the east behind Chicago and Miami. Assuming the new lower cap doesn't force Miami to cut one of the 3 out.

The Bottom line is that Orlando needs to get younger, cheaper and better. They crapped out in the playoffs because nobody could score. If you keep Dwight you have to hold onto those bad contracts for another 2-3 years and you simply can't change the roster enough to make a run at winning. Better to lose you best player than lose four years of competitiveness.

The NBA! It's FAAAANTAS . . . . Well, It's A League I Suppose

The NBA was jolted into activity by two massive stories concerning player movement this offseason.

The first one was when Raja Bell held conference to let it be known that the Miami Heat are his free agent destination of choice.

Pat Riley was seen nearby rolling his eyes while telling the janitor "Well, I guess we can cancel that LeBron interview now."

In a non-related but equally ridiculous story, the Orlando Magic are thinking about trying to dump Vince Carter for Agent Zero (Gilbert Arenas).

Apparently the deal hinges on getting the ok from Dwight Howard.

Really Orlando? You need to get the green light from a guy who shoots 50% from the stripe, gets schooled by Rasheed Wallace every year and disappears in the clutch? I don't recall the Pistons being held hostage by Ben Wallace or the Bulls by Dennis Rodman.

Seriously, if you can dump Vince, you dump him. I don't care what Dwight "No Nickname" Howard thinks about it. If he complains, just show him some game film from the Boston series and send him packing. All we learned this year is that if Dwight is your best player, you ain't winning.

This is the problem with the NBA. Second tier players trying to make noise. Raja Bell is a homeless mans Toni Kukoc and that's only in a D'Antoni offense and at this point, Dwight is only the defensive version of Nique, nothing more.

When teams start clearing cap space 3 years in advance to try and woo you, then you hold a player summit. Not before.

I'm looking your way Joe Johnson.