Easy There Icarus

I think all of Boston needs to cool down a tad in the aftermath of the big Adrian Gonzalez and Carl Crawford signings. Are they really that impressive?

Gonzalez could be but he's been playing in a zero pressure environment in what is essentially a quadruple A baseball. It vaguely reminds me of the Giambi signing by the Yankees. He may hit a lot of homers but I seriously doubt he goes into the pantheon of hitters. They didn't sign Pujols.

Crawford is also an above average player but should the Yankees care much that he plays for Boston? They've had to deal with him for years in TB, when he was in a better lineup. His biggest attribute is wrecking the base paths but Posada can't throw anybody out, fast or slow.

Let's break down the team and see if we can pencil in a 100 wins a World Series trip:

OF- Ellsbury, Crawford and Drew. Good defensively, fast, not tons of power, nobody that scares you at the plate. I'm still not sure Ellsbury doesn't suck out loud.

IF-Gonzalez, Youk, Scutaro and Pedroia. pretty good, not great. Scutaro sucks, Pedroia is ok but injury prone and ripe for flash in the pan status. Gonzo should love the short porch in right and Youk has seen better days. Put it this way, would you rather have these four or A-Rod, Jeter, Cano and Tex?

C-Holy god, Saltalamacchia and Varitek. Neither one should be starting in the AL.

SP-Lester and Buchholz are solid but Beckett, Dice-K and Lackey are serious question marks. lackey would love to be a question mark instead of washed up.

RP-Thank god they didn't trade Papelbon! Otherwise the far superior Bard would have been closing games and been unhittable. Paps gives everyone a chance.

DH-Did Ortiz get those "Dominican Vitamins" in the mail yet? Seriously.

Overall, the Red Sox should be really good but you'd think Dunkin Donuts was having a 2 for 1 sale with how excited Bostonians are. Lets not forget that it's the same team that finished third in the AL East with a faster outfielder and more power at first. That's an upgrade but that O is still weak and one injury puts them right back into the pathetic mode they were in last year.

Finally A Reason to Relive the Past

As a Yankees fan it's been difficult to stomach the resurgence of the Red Sox over the past decade.

Especially since they exercised their demons at the expense of the Yankess, humiliating them after being down 0-3 in the ALCS on the road to the first World Series since the Babe picked up his first working girl.

Since then we've had to deal with never ending stories about the goofballs, cowboying up, Schillings ketchup soaked sock, what a leader Varitek is, which he better be since he no longer excels at "playing baseball".

From the depressing Generals to my beloved Yankess Globtrotters to Americas fun loving favorite bandwagon to jump on. Every casual jackass sporting a new Manny or Ortiz jersey, everybody talking about Noh-mah (for awhile anyway), every pink ladies jersey or or toddler romper made the Sox incredibly insufferable to deal with. They had to publish an Idiot's Guide to Bill Buckner & The Curse, just to catch all these late arrivers up. They were as pleasant as a Boston winter. Or Spring, or fall or summer. Or really anytime in that State except for the few good weeks when the leaves turn.

Now it's my turn to have some fun, so let's have it.

CHEATERS! JUICERS!!!! FRAUDS FRAUDS FRAUDS!!!

Whew! That was all right. Time to fire up a menthol and just soak in the experience. Lest anyone not know, ESPN reported today that both Manny & Ortiz were on the same list of positive tests for PED's in 2003 that A-Rod was on.

What? You don't think it's suspicious that a double stroking fat body in Minnesota could turn into a homer machine just by playing at Fenway or that a moody, dim bulb outfielder who tanks games when depressed suddenly turned into the greatest right handed hitter ever? No, not suspicious at all!

Wanna know who isn't on that list? Jeter*. Rivera*. Posada*. Bernie Williams.*
Suck on that Nation.


*list subject to change pending further reveals by the New York Times.