Thursday, December 24, 2009

Uh. . . . . Your Welcome?

Congratulations other 46 states in the Union, you've been very generous this Christmas season whether you knew it or not.

The Socialist Party of America managed to get a worst-of-all-options healthcare bill rammed through the Senate this morning before they ran like the cowards they are back to their homes for the holidays. Many thanks to the Architect of the Minority Mitch McConnell for making that vote happen in secret and expediently. Why fight when there's eggnog to be drunk.

The big winners in this sham are Louisiana, Nebraska, Vermont and Massachusetts. Senators Kerry (D-MA) and Landrieu (D-LA) let the nation off easy by only highjacking a few hundred million each of extra money for their states. What is extra money you say? Apparently, to the Senate, extra means money that you still have in your pocket. Nebraska and Vermont were the big winners though. All of those massive unfunded mandates in the Senate bill that will be crippling states for years to come? Not a worry for the cornhusker or maple syrup states. The Senate, in all it's charity, decided that these two states are special and should have all of their massive unfunded mandates paid for by the taxpayers of the other states. A high price for votes.

How very generous of us all! I kind of wish I lived in one of these select few states, but hey, the man in the black coat with the gun in my back says I should be happy to do my fair share and subsidized both the people of Colorado as well as Nebraska, Vermont, Louisiana and Massachusetts so who am I to argue? Hopefully I get some coal this Christmas, with all this "charity" and "goodwill" I may need it to heat my house.

Merry Christmas!
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Monday, December 14, 2009

Gas-Can Jam Plays the Hits

There has never been a spark or a flame that was to faint, to weak or to insignificant for JaMarcus Russell to ignore.

After 11 solid weeks of head pounding, awe inducing and spirit destroying "performances" by our man Jam, which burned to the ground any remaining good will he had with the Raider faithful, Coach Tom the Merciful (with the blessing of Lord Al) finally pulled the plug on everybody's favorite arsonist and brought Bruce Gradkowski, of all people, into the chaos.

For three solid weeks, the chaos became a simple storm. Adversity seemed able to be overcome and the football once again resembled something professional. Down went the Bengals, down went the Steelers. Even the loss to the Cowboys, while lopsided, didn't seem like quite the Theater of the Damned that the losses under JaMarcus had been. A loss was now simply a loss instead of a public shaming.

Week 4 of the Era of Bruce started with promise as well. The Raiders managed to take a brief lead, 10-7, before falling behind. It was a rare occurrence where Oakland was actually playing much better than the score would indicate, giving hope to all Raider faithful that fortune would soon be with them yet again. Then the unspeakable happened. Bruce hurt not just one but two knees and was done for the game and maybe the season.

And there was the first spark of doubt and unease. It actually wasn't just a spark. Everybody in that stadium, watching on TV around the world knew exactly what was coming. We all new our man JaMarcus was back from exile, gas can in one hand, strike anywhere matches in the other, just waiting to lay waste to all the good that had been done in the past three weeks.

He never fails to deliver.

In what certainly was the final nail in his coffin in Oakland, Russell showed that he had learned nothing since being sent to the bench, throwing idiotic interceptions, holding the ball too long, fumbling near his own end-zone and basically showing none of the intangibles necessary to be a professional quarterback. The saddest part of the whole experience was how the entire team self destructed just by his presence. When Gradkowski is in the game, the team plays like it has a chance of winning. With Russell in there, they don't. Now we know for certain that those feelings are completely correct.

Hopefully next season will be an uncapped year. If so, Jam, Javon Walker and an number of other bad contracts should just be jettisoned from the team. After a record six straight seasons with 11+ losses, what's to lose?
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Saturday, December 12, 2009

Worlds Greatest FAIL

You've got to hand it Gary Bettman. Nobody can turn gold into lead any faster than he can.

Given a gift opportunity to do the NHL a solid by making sure the bankrupt Phoenix Coyotes ended up in, say, Winnipeg, Hartford, Toronto 2, Wisconsin, Portland, etc. he decided to find a group of buyers who would contractually bind themselves to staying in Arizona until the end of their building lease. No early outs.

Contraction would have been a better option than this. If Wayne Gretzky couldn't find a way to make the team stable with his name power and a few good seasons mixed in, how can anybody else?

People like Bettman who constantly keep trying to move hockey in the sun belt just don't understand demographics. In large states like Florida or California, you can find enough fans to fill the stadium just because of transplants and sheer statistical probability. Arizona doesn't have quite that many people in it. What kind of people does Arizona have? Only two kinds, Mexicans (not into puck) and unmotivated, clothing averse people.

Seriously, Arizona is the place where good looking people who don't want to act (California) or be prostitutes/club owners (Nevada) go to marinate in the sun. The top majors at the University of Arizona and Arizona State are Stokiology (the science of getting stoked), Sunbathing, Trophy Wifing and Sociology. They are glorified community colleges at best.

The only time hockey could work in the Sun Devil state is during the dead of summer when it's a 105 degrees everyday, then you could at least advertise the stadium air conditioning. The fall/winter is when the temperatures are the most manageable and everybody is golfing, on a boat or just hammer brews on the porch. Why spend a hundred dollars to go sit in a cold stadium when for twenty bucks you can grab a case of Coors and go play beach volleyball with the coeds? Doesn't make any sense.

So sorry Canada and northern American cities, your promise of a rabid fan base and sold out stadiums wasn't enough to deter Bettmans expansionist march into the southland. Maybe when the 2020 NHL All Star game is being held in Costa Rica you can at least get a decent vacation out of it. Not much else for you to look forward to.
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NFL Week 14 Predictions

Steelers -9.5 over BROWNS (L)
Saints -9.5 over FALCONS
Packers -3.5 over BEARS
COLTS -7.5 over Broncos
Bills +.5 over CHIEFS
Jets -3.5 over BUCS
Dolphins +2.5 over JAGUARS
RAVENS +13.5 over Lions
Seahawks +6.5 over TEXANS
Bengals +6.5 over VIKINGS
PATRIOTS +13.5 over Panthers
TITANS +12.5 over Rams
RAIDERS +1.5 over Redskins
COWBOYS -3.5 over Chargers
Eagles +.5 over GIANTS
Cardinals -3.5 over 49ERS

This Week
Overall 98-90
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Tuesday, December 8, 2009

What A Special Time

The Carnival of the Damned was back in full force today as both Obama and the Senate took turns insulting out intelligence and making a mockery of the Constitution.

Where to begin. Obama is the Instigator in Chief so we might as well start there.

In a speech today, Obama took the time to blast the TARP package passed at the end of the Bush term, pat himself on the back for rescuing the economy and laid out his new plan to spend our way out of the recession.

Whew. First of all, I happen to agree that the TAP plan was a legislative abortion. I just wish Obama also felt this way back when he was voting for it as a Senator. I also wish Obama would not have appointed the architect of said abortion (Tim Geitner) as his Secretary of the Treasury. The most galling thing about Obama constantly hammering the spending explosion under Bush is that most of it happened since the Democrats took control of Congress in 2006 and wore out the credit line. With Obama's support the whole time. Obama should be trying to ignore discussing the economy at all given his complicit part in it's destruction. He's decided to try and spin 15% unemployment, 7 million jobs lost and absolute zero growth as "saving the economy." Very odd.

Most insulting though is his new plan to spend our way out of the recession. What exactly have we been doing? The TARP was meant to get banks lending credit again. Instead, Obama decided to buy up banks, lending firms and GM. The stimulus was meant to get people working by taking shovel ready jobs and funding them so they could be gin right away. So far, there isn't any evidence the stimulus has created one job. Most of that money has gone to states to cover various deficits, social programs or legal teams, if you live in Colorado. Whatever money is left is just sitting in a slush fund waiting for the Fed to send out to its political allies. So after two multi trillion dollar failures, Obama ow wants stimulus III to finally start getting people working. Yeah right buddy. You're a liar and a bad one at that. I know you're just daring the media to call you out on all this but what you don't seem to get is that even the most dim witted American can see the truth of your flawed ideology.
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In other news, the Senate has defeated the Benson Amendment banning federal health care reform from paying for abortions. That's right, your tax dollars might end up collapsing a fetal skull in the near future. The only question now is how much spine do the pro-life Democrats have now? Ben Nelson has drawn a pretty firm line in the sand on the abortion issue, much like Joe Lieberman has drawn an anti public plan line. If I had to make a prediction, Nelson would crumble as would all the other pro-life Dems and Lieberman can probably be bought off with some clever rewording of the socialist option. Then the elections will come and heads will roll.
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From the world of sports, the Yankees are apparently close to sending Austin Jackson, Phil Coke and Ian Kennedy off into the wilderness to acquire Curtis Granderson. The WWL assumes that this might also mean the end of Johnny Damon in New York. I am mystified that seems to be a positive move in the eyes of the media heads. We must first throw out the Kennedy/Coke part. Nobody cares about those two. Essentially its Austin Jackson for Curtis Granderson. While certainly an upgrade defensively, Granderson hit a whopping .249 last year with 30 HR's and 71 RBI. Essentially he's Melky Cabrera with more pop and less average. And way more expensive. For years Yankee fans have been hearing about how great Austin Jackson could be. If the team believes his ceiling is batting .250 with 25 HRS and 50 RBI then the trade makes sense but it seems like the Yanks are trying to get the big name again hoping Granderson somehow recreates his 07 season (.302, 23 HR, 74 RBI) on a consistent basis. A risky proposition considering he has only done that once in his six year career.
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Monday, December 7, 2009

Monday Night Head Shaker

Excuse me there Coach Harbaugh, have you met Andy Reid, Art Shell and Herm Edwards? The National Association of Terrible Clock Managers would like to welcome you to the club.

This weeks embarrassing moment in clock management came Monday night about ten seconds before the two minute warning at the end of the Packers-Ravens game. Baltimore was down by 14 or so and needed to conserve as much time as possible. Due to some clock snafu by the officials the play clock was reset without about 2:10 on the clock. This allowed Green Bay to run the clock all the way down to the break. Baltimore, who had one timeout left, should have used that timeout to force a play before the two minute break, saving some time on the other side. The Coaching staff was clearly upset at the resetting of the play clock, they were under the impression GB would have to run a play before the break and didn't notice the clock reset.

Fine.

Now pardon me for being critical but I've seen guys on the sidelines whose job seems to be nothing more than screaming "get it up!" or "you da man!" randomly. A valuable position indeed but it seems that if you've got that base covered it seems like somebody should be paid to keep track of the clock management issues. After all, play clocks get reset all the time, do you want to lose 20 seconds because everybody was staring off into space? Don't think so.

What's that you say? You say that's the job of the Head Coach?

OF COURSE IT IS!!!!!!

That's why it is so frustrating to watch. 15 year olds who have been playing Madden for a few years have far superior clock awareness than these head coaches. Andy Reid is the dean of this group of deficients as he manages to blow clock details without the burden of play calling to distract him. Harbaugh is fast on his heels though. What exactly did he think was going on when he saw the entire Packer team just standing around shootin the shit? Maybe they were just going to take the delay of game penalty rather than run out the clock? Even if you buy the idiotic rationale that the play clock reset caught them completely off guard, is everybody on that team, all the coaches, the active squad, the inactives, the fans, trainers, etc., did nobody panic when they saw the clock hit 2:02, 2:01 and just call the TO out of instinct? What the hell is going on on that sideline that is so fascinating that nobody can bother to alter their gaze six inches vertical to give the clock, your true enemy at this point, a quick looky-loo?

Even more ironic is that these inexcusable lapses in focus/intelligence/judgment come from some of the biggest control freaks on the planet. Except for Art Shell, he hasn't controlled anything related to football in about a decade.

So congratulations Coach Harbaugh, your ability to tun a seemingly simple calculation into Sophi's Choice is truly astounding. The Association welcomes you to their hallowed halls. As the newest member you are charged with bringing the Costco sized crate of ring dings and Mountain Dew, Meeting starts promptly at 7:30. Hah! Who are we kidding, if these guys show up on the right day we'll call it a victory. Just try not to smash your own face on the door on the way in.
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Friday, December 4, 2009

Copa del Mundo 2010

The draw for the 2010 World Cup was today and I am now officially into it.

Don't get me wrong, soccer is still a communist sport only fit for the third world and over sensitive, granola munching little league coaches.

However, the World Cup is different because it has one element that your basic Galaxy or Real Madrid game doesn't, rampant nationalistic fervor. This one element should encourage every American to get involved in June. The combination of fanatically proud European fans plus a healthy dash of anti-American sentiment globally makes the outcomes of these games potentially devastating for the local population. As Americans, we should do all we can to back our boys as loud as possible, again, not because we like soccer but because we should all relish the opportunity to see an American go into hostile territory and beat the Euros at their own beloved game.

And what an opportunity we have right off the bat.

The Brits.

The Brits are by far a more accomplished futbol squad but if I know my history we have at least one World Cup win over the Queen's Finest and are 2-0 in wars against them. For reasons that even I can't fully comprehend, the idea of handing out star spangled beatdown to the Beckhams, that jackass Rooney and all those condescending Union Jackers that constantly attribute American disapproval of soccer to a lack of intelligence or refinement would be a sweet thing indeed. It would be even sweeter this time around as England has a better squad than they have in years.

So I encourage all Americans to get involved this summer. You have the rare opportunity to have a legitimate excuse to wake up at 4 in the morning on a Tuesday to get drunk, watch sports and have barbecue for breakfast. It's also the chance to do some legitimate, global trash talking. Aside from North Korea, you should be able to talk sh*t to any of the competing teams fans via the Internet. For the chance to have all this you have to almost nothing to lose, most Americans don't care about soccer anyway, so the losses will mean nothing but the victories will be savory.

In a related note, should the Americans get bounced early, you should feel morally obligated to root against the French and the Mexicans. The Mexicans are self explanatory, they are our biggest rival and their fans behave monstrously when we come to town. Going against them should be second nature. The French though earned scorn this year. They are a crappy team that pulled a bush league move on over achieving Irish team that got them in and kept the Irish out. FIFA apparently treats the French like NCAA officials treat Duke, except it's even more blatant.

Go Yanks!
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Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Come Hither Lenny

In the days after the Presidents insulting and grating speech on Afghanistan Monday night, I have been fascinated by the reaction from the various talking heads in the political media.

All the leftists are busy doing what we expect them to; cry about the escalation and broken campaign promises, blaming Bush for everything and when all that fails, try and convince us that Obama's escalation of surrender is somehow a good idea.

The mesmerizing point is how many supposed conservatives are actually praising Obama for the decision. What is there to applaud? That it took Bama six months to decide to short General McCrystal 40 to 60 thousand troops that he requested or the fact that there is now an 18 month window to wrap it up. Even the 30,000 he is sending won't be at full force for four to six months (if they hurry) so the window is really a year and the rules of engagement are so weak they won't even get to kill any of the bad guys while they're there.

So why the tepid applause by some Republicans? First of all, many weak kneed Republicans just love being seen by the DC crowd as reasonable and willing to work with the opposition. It's their own personal ecstasy every time George Stephanopolous gives them a cookie. That's only part of it though, the other part involves two things i constantly rail on.

Stupidity and shame.

We have tons of one and not enough of the other. Let me elaborate.

Shame is a very powerful tool, especially when conducted in the public arena. It's one of the great hidden benefits to the First Amendment, incompetent people get empowered to speak freely, thus exposing their truly mediocre nature for all to see. The public, once alerted to the stupidity at hand, then proceed to shame the moron at hand to the back bench where they are then marginalized and therefore can do no harm to anybody. Former Presidents like Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter and Bush I for very valid reasons became complete jokes during their terms for being completely inept. Dan Quayle, John Kerry, etc. were also subsequently disposed of for incompetence and the list could go on for ages and Barak Obama should be added to that list as well.

He never will though, which brings us to the second point.

Shame is a difficult thing to do properly and it requires a semi-advanced level of intelligence to be done properly in the public arena and simply put, too many people in the public and private spheres are simply to stupid to handle the task. This involves all sides as well. The media, in addition to their built in liberal bias has some of the most ill-informed members in its ranks. Some of the responses by Mike Moore, Chris Matthews, Keith Olbermann, etc. were almost as confounding as Obama's speech. They knew somethings wasn't quite right but what got articulate was unintelligible. Many of the FOX pundits showed similar lack of mental cohesion as they somehow deduced that Obama was committed to winning now. When asked what part of the speech made them feel that way the spring in the hamster wheel in their brain just snapped right in half. Most politicians are similarly unqualified to call out the opposition as well. We know this by their frank admission that they don't even read bills they vote on. Way to build that credibility. Guys like Jim DeMint, Judd Gregg (sometimes) and Joe Lieberman (sometimes) stand out as real ideological firebrands only because they are some of the few guys who have any real idea what they are talking about. Conversely, you could listen to hours of speeches by Lindsey Graham, John McCain, Barbara Boxer, Diane DeGette, etc. and not find one tangible thought. All those people just fall back on one issue (bipartisanship, maverickness, abortion/radical feminism) and scream about it until they get hoarse. People like this make up 97% of Congress. Sadly, because the media and Congress are so inept, it is very difficult for the voting public to be well informed. Information can be difficult to find, especially when most people have jobs, kids, etc. to focus on.

Many people don't like this theory of productive shaming, which applies to all walks of life not just politics. They buy into the theory that all people all unique snowflakes just waiting to dazzle us with their radiance. This is pure sophistry pushed by shallow minded people, the same people who decide not to keep score in little league games. This world is not all snowflakes, it is chock full of acid rain and tundra that needs to be pruned from society. Half the job is already done for us. Incompetent people always expose themselves sooner or later. All the rest of us have to do is wait for them to surface then take them out. This involves two things that need changing. First, the public must abandon any hope that media will keep them informed and seek independent information from numerous, conflicting sources. British journalism is a good place to go for some combative journalism and the Internet makes some basic fact checking easy. Getting the intellectual weaponry is key, if you try and expose a fraud without the firepower, you yourself become the fraud. Secondly, people must get bolder. Americans are generally nice people who don't like confrontation. This must change. Exposing stupidity where ever it may be may seem abrasive and you might feel like an a**hole afterward. I assure you this is normal but can be overcome. Just know that by helping to scrub clean the human debris from our wonderfully constructed civil society is the the most patriotic thing you can do. I would go so far as to say it is your civic obligation to rail against incompetence where ever it holds power. If enough people take my advice, these would be backbenchers will have no choice but to retreat into the shadows of irrelevance never to bother us again. Then the power will return to where it rightfully belongs, the public.

After all, it was Jefferson who said "When the people fear the government, there is tyranny. When the government fears the people, there is liberty." Nothing scares incompetence more than the threat of being exposed and it;s time we got back to making it standard practice.
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Tuesday, December 1, 2009

NFL Week 13 Predictions

Jets -3.5 over BILLS (W)
Eagles -4.5 over FALCONS (W)
Rams +8.5 over BEARS (W)
BENGALS -13.5 over Lions (L)
Titans +6.5 over COLTS (L)
Broncos -4.5 over Chiefs (W)
REDSKINS +8.5 over Saints (W)
Bucs +6.5 over PANTHERS (L)
Texans +.5 over JAGUARS (W)
STEELERS -11.5 over Raiders (L)
DOLPHINS +6.5 over Patriots (W)
Chargers -12.5 over BROWNS (L)
49ers +.5 over SEAHAWWKS (L)
Cowboys -1.5 over GIANTS (L)
Vikings -3.5 over CARDINALS (L)
Ravens +3.5 over PACKERS (L)

This Week 7-9
Overall 98-90
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