Roundup!

Stampede
The University of Colorado finally beat a ranked team Saturday night, staving off a Kansas rally 34-30. It was going to be interesting to see how the team would respond to the coach benching his own son, then talking trash about him. Turns out poppa knows best as Tyler Hansen looked pretty good running the show. Win or no win, I think Coach Hawkins replacing his sons nameplate with one that say "Anchor" is completely uncalled for.

Destiny - Not Just A Name For Strippers
You know the Yankees are living a charmed life when they can actually beat the Angels. When the Angels seem to be actively trying to lose though, you know the gods have decided to intervene and end the Yankees nearly decade long title drought. My only real fear is that all this good luck will somehow end in the Yankees being beaten by the quadruple-A Dodgers in the world series. I remember all too well getting beat by the Marlins a few years ago and the shame of getting defeated by Los Angeles's original carpetbaggers would be too much to bear. Although Tommy Lasorda may just explode in a hail of delightful F-bombs during the postgame celebration which might be worth it.

By Me A Drink First
If the NFL were an HBO show then the Patriots are just about done tattooing a swastika on the ass of the Tennessee Titans. Aside from Randy Moss single handedly saving my fantasy day, this game does provoke many a question. How bad is Vince Young? He just took his first snap trailing 59-0 at the start of the fourth quarter. He must a complete wack job to not be starting for the atrocity of a team. Wow, real time update, VY just throws a pick. Nice. Now we know. This game might also provide the earliest example of an FU score in recorded history. Tom Brady throwing his fifth TD of the second quarter had FU written all over it. Gisele must have tied Tom's access to her body to his performance on the field because he played like a man possessed today. You would hardly know there was three feet of snow on the ground.

And On The Seventh Day Our Lord God Said - "No Dogfighting!"
If there was ever any doubt about how God felt about Mike Vick, now we know. Oakland 13 Philadelphia 9. This sort of righteous punishment seems a bit harsh to me. After all, not everybody on the team was dogfighting. The indignity of losing to Oakland seems like a punishment best saved for pedophiles and members of the Green Party. Having said that, as a long suffering member of Raider nation, I will now celebrate the unlikely victories of the Buffs, Stimulus Package (fantasy team), Yanks and Raiders, in the nude, up and down the streets of Colorado Springs. See you on the road and don't judge, it's winter.

Mercy Flush Preview: Fanny Fister

Ever wonder what would happen if a guy sent his wife to do a fantasy draft via a cell phone, speaker phone in a house full of other s-faced fantasy geeks? Now we know.

QB: C+ Kurt Warner and Mark Sanchez. Yikes. If Warner doesn't stay healthy, this is a disaster. Considering that he's a 38 year old concussion machine, I'm betting on disaster.

RB: B-Adrian Peterson, Joe Addai, Sammy Morris, Darren Sproles, Ricky Williams. Can't argue about Adrian Peterson but all the other RB's may not even start. Fister better hope Ronny Brown blows another ACL.

WR: C Braylon Edwards, Kevin Walter, Brandon Marshall, Torry Holt, Josh Morgan. This is a PPR league so Walter should be ok but braylon and Brandon have serious issues. One sucks the other is insane.

TE: B Kellen Winslow, Donald Lee. Lee won't give you anything. The General plays for Tampa Bay. That means Byron Leftwich. Not good.

D/ST: C Miami. Nothing special, nothing too bad. Ted Ginn Jr. could help.

K: B John Kasay. Worst thing about this kicker is spelled J-A-K-E D-E-L-H-O-M-M-E

BOTTOM LINE: Lots of reaches, fan picks. No Championship for you, sir. Now good day.

Mercy Flush Preview: Sand Monkey

A happy homecoming, a few beers and a racially insensitive name apparently inspires a man to spend four picks out of sixteen on defenses and kickers. Who knew.

QB: B- Aside from the two games a year against the Raiders, I think Phil Rivers sucks. Jay Cutler should be good but not as good as he was in Denver and Brady Quinn may not even start.

RB: C- Clinton Portis, Lendale White & Tim Hightower. Portis is a solid number one but Patron White is goal line at best and Hightower is such a stud the Cardinals drafted Beanie Wells.

WR: B+ Steve Smith and Anthony Gonzalez should be fine if they can keep healthy. Backups are Crabtree and Randle El, so lets pray for health and no bye weeks.

TE: B Chris Cooley & Todd Heap. Cooley was a major bust last year. If he can get it going he is boarderline top 5 TE.

K: A+ Neil Rackers, Janikowski.

Defense: C Philadelphias D is average and Oaklands is average at best.

Mercy Flush Preview: Stimulus Package

Mercy Flush 2009 had its fantasy Draft this weekend so it's time to hash out the results. Many a beer was drank, the air was thick with the toxic fumes of premium cigar smoke and Marlboro reds. One guy thought it wise to attend a draft via cell phone teleconference. The conditions aligned perfectly for an irrational early run on QB's, K's & D's. On guy ran a perfectly effective draft without so much as a cheat sheet. One guy drafted Mike Vick. Heres the first team in the breakdown.

STIMULUS PACKAGE

QB: B Matt Schaub, Eli Manning, JaMarcus Russell. I like how this turned out, especially since there was an early run on QB's and I didn't pick one up until round 7. It could be scary though if Schaub gets hurt and Eli misses Plaxico more than I think.

RB: B+ LaDanian Tomlinson, Darren McFadden, Pierre Thomas, Cedric Benson. Due to the inexplicable early run on QB's, I was able to get four starting RB's in a 14 team league. After Tomlinson though they could all be average.

WR: B- Randy Moss, Roddy White, Percy Harvin, Derick Mason, Greg Camarillo. If White is a one year wonder I could be screwed.

TE: C+ Owen Daniels is tied to the injury prone Matt Schaub. Yikes.

D/ST: C Carolina Panthers.

K: B Ryan Longwell. Kickers don't matter in fantasy but if you can get one that kicks in a Dome you can avoid some pesky negative scores.