Larry Johnson is quickly becoming the Hepatitis C of my sporting life.
As a long time Raiders fan I was introduced to LJ years ago when he came into the league as a Chief. Like many of the people who know LJ, I quickly came to regret it as he demolished my beloved Silver and Black, accelerating our descent into the gloom. I was as abused, battered and beleaguered.
The last few years have provided some relief from the onslaught. After LJ's momentous 400 carry season he aged faster than Goldie Hawn sans Botox. As got he got suckier and suckier, I became happier, culminating with his recent booting by the Chiefs in a homophobic, anti-social, coach killing, rampage. I, along with all the gay men and nightclub going women, rejoiced. No longer would I have to worry about the scourge of LJ and the Raiders now seem secure in their position as the third place team in the AFC West. Crappy to be sure but always better than those suckers in KC.
But the Hepatitis is not so easy to shake.
ESPN is reporting a rumour that LJ might in fact be in the plans for the Pittsburgh Steelers to get some of those "tough yards" and to replace the chalk outline that used to be Fast Willie Parker.
Tough yards means short yardage.
Short yardage means goaline.
Goaline means TD vulture for the love of god!
I JUST TRADED FOR RASHARD MENDENHALL, NOT THREE WEEKS AGO!!!!
There appears to be no way to shake this insidious condition known as LJ. How fitting is it that the Steelers would one again return to harass me. I remember the Immaculate Reception. We all remember that sham that cost Al his fourth ring and here you you are again, conspiring against me.
Only one conclusion can be drawn from this; if Virginia is for lovers, Pittsburgh is for bigots. That's right I said it! Why else would you so cavalierly ponder taking in such a worthless human being. I've defended Pitt and it's crumbling society, bad economy, weather and inability to count rivers (there isn't three rivers, there are two rivers that become one other river. they are subtractive in nature!) for far too long. You're no better than Detroit unless you're comparing QB's with outstanding rape cases and neckbeards. Adding LJ is just the final chain link in your anchor of mediocrity.
This fantasy league I'm in actually plays for some decent money and I'm currently in first due to the Mendenhall ascension/Parker convalescence. The choice is yours Pitt, do you want to be the capitol city of hate crimes, bigots and homophobia or do you want to let me win a few hundred bucks?
As ALCOA would say, "You Make The Call!"
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