Thursday, October 29, 2009

NFL Week 8 Predictions

Home team in CAPS

Texans -3.5 over BILLS (W)
BEARS -13.5 over Browns (W)
Seahawks +9.5 over COWBOYS (L)
LIONS -3.5 over Rams (L)
49ers +12.5 over COLTS (W)
JETS -3.5 over Dolphins (L)
RAVENS -3.5 over Broncos (W)
Giants +2.5 over EAGLES (L)
Jaguars +2.5 over TITANS (L)
CHARGERS -16.5 over Raiders (L)
PACKERS -3.5 over Vikings (L)
CARDINALS -9.5 over Panthers (L)
SAINTS -9.5 over Falcons (L)

This Week 4-9-0
Overall 63-52-0
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Monday, October 26, 2009

It's Fantastic!

Welcome to another wonderful NBA season. Now 70% of you teams are playing for draft position already, 20% are hoping for a miracle and 10% are legitimate contenders, Awesome. Here's all you need to know until May:

EASTERN CONFERENCE: Contenders - Orlando, Boston. Dreamers - Cleveland, Miami, Chicago. The only way it isn't Boston or Orlando is if Bron Bron or D Wade have historical seasons. Adding a 400 pound offense anchor or having you second best player have a mental breakdown that surprised nobody isn't the way to do it. Worst team in the Conference - Washington. Agent Zero's days are done and they suck out loud.

WESTERN CONFERENCE: Contenders L.A. Lakers, San Antonio. Dreamers - New Orleans, Denver, Portland, Dallas. There are only three people who can change the inevitable San Antonio/Los Angeles conference finals. Father time, Kobe the Rapist and Chris Paul. Chris Anderson might play a role in all three scenarios. Seriously, how do you get a 2 year drug ban in the NBA? Filter your smack through the veins of virgin twelve year old Panamanian boys before you needle up? Whatever happened there needs to be an ESPN 30 for 30.

PREDICTIONS:
EAST- Orlando over Cleveland in 6.
WEST - San Antonio over LA in 7

FINALS - Orlando over San Antonio in 7.
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Sunday, October 25, 2009

The Drought Is Over

The New York Yankees moved on to the World Series by beating the Los Angeles Angeles of Anaheim, San Jose, Silver Lake, Diamond Bar and El Cajon 5-2 Sunday night.

More impressively, they also beat their own manager, Joe Girardi who seemed to be actively working against them.

Girardi himself seemed surprised by the teams success. "Whew! I assumed I'd somehow manage to F@#! up this one too, that's why I decided to hold a fully rested Sabathia over to game 7. Figured it was inevitable." Girardi remarked.

When asked about a couple of tense moments during the game, Girardi recalled when "Andy threw a 0-2 ball to Figgens in the 1st. I thought maybe he didn't have his A game. Lucky thing Gaudin wasn't warm or I would've pulled his ass." In regards to how far he could stretch Rivera, Girardi said he had no problems stretching him out a bit. "My only question was if I could get six outs with Mo or 15."

When asked to comment, Riviera told MLB's Harold Reynolds. "I tried to hit him (Girardi) with a champagne cork during the celebration. I think I may have knocked Minka Kelly into the old stadium."

While Girardi's bizarre substitutional antics were seen as ALCS whimsy, don't expect the team to tolerate it during the World Series. "This is the big show" Captain Jeter said "if he tries to pinch run Guzman for A-Rod in the sixth, I'm paying a drifter to kill him."

Game 1 is Wednesday night in the stadium.
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Friday, October 23, 2009

NFL Week 7 Predictions

Home team in CAPS

Packers -7.5 over BROWNS (W)
Chargers -4.5 over CHIEFS (W)
49ers +3.5 over TEXANS (W)
Colts -13.5 over RAMS (W)
Vikings +4.5 over STEELERS (L)
Patriots -14.5 over Buccaneers (W)
Bills +7.5 over PANTHERS (W)
Jets -6.5 over RAIDERS (W)
BENGALS -1.5 over Bears (W)
Falcons +3.5 over COWBOYS (L)
DOLPHINS +6.5 over Saints (L)
GIANTS -7.5 over Cardinals (L)
Eagles -7.5 over REDSKINS (W)

This Week 9-4-0
Overall 59-43-0
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Thursday, October 22, 2009

Yes, Yes! Wait . . . . Was That It?

Well one of President Obama's top economic advisers announced today that the 787 billion dollar stimulus package has already delivered its biggest boost to the economy and that next year will not see any significant growth due to the billions being spent.

Christina Romer also somehow managed to claim that 600,000 to 1.5 million jobs had been saved or created before reminding us that unemployment will stay above 9.5% until the end of 2010. At least.

You mean cluster f-ing 800 billion dollars to special interests instead of job creating measures doesn't result in a robust economy? Shocking.

What's more telling is that the administration, or one of its advisers, is calling this thing a massive failure when most of the money hasn't been spent yet. How can that be exactly? Only 194 of the 787 billion has been spent, so how do we know it's a failure? Because the rest of the money is no doubt going to be spent like the first 194 billion. That is to say it will be pissed away shoring up the budgets of failed state welfare programs, filling the pockets of all the lawyers hired to make sure the money was wasted legally and being used to buy votes in the 2010 elections.

After all 787 billion has been burned through and the results analyzed, congressional liberals will no doubt see the massive failure of their ideology, do some serious soul searching and come to the conclusion that they need to double down and really get serious for Stimulus 3.

Unfortunately, we will be completely out of cash, ink to print cash and credit to borrow cash so Stimulus 3 will simply consist of Barak annexing Cuba so the Flying Castro Brothers can show us how to do this thing on the cheap.

And Mrs. Romer may want to keep her negative opinion to herself before she gets Vernon Forested in some park in DC.

They don't call him Rahm-bo DeadFish for nothing.
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I'm So Excited - Haiku Style

Napa cops say okay
Hit a sissy in the face
Tom Cable is free

full story
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Monday, October 19, 2009

3 For The Road

How Many Times!
How many times can I possibly say the same things? Overmanaging loses baseball games! You Joe Girardi, I'm looking straight at you. After Aceves's failure of a postseason so far, what exactly inspired you to pull a smoking Robertson to pitch to Jeff Mathis? There can be no excuse. You pulled one no name pitcher, who was doing well, to put in another no name pitcher, who has sucked for the entire postseason. TO PITCH TO THE BACKUP CATCHER!! Why was Robertson gassed? After eleven pitches? Too tired to pitch to Jeff Mathis? Gimmie a break. Just so we can quantify the degree of the over management lets examine the numbers.
Pettitte - 19 outs on 95 pitches.
Joba - 1 out, 10 pitches
Marte - 1 out, one pitch
Coke - 1 out, 3 pitches
Hughes - 5 outs, 19 pitches
Riviera - 3 outs, 17 pitches
Robertson - 2 outs, 11 PITCHES, NO HITS, NO WALKS!!!!
Aceves - 0 outs, 7 pitches, 1 game lost.

If you want to bring in Rivera for Hughes fine, if you swapping out hot crap for cold, just leave it alone for god's sake.

Thank God For the Brits
This is an excellent speech by Christopher Lord Monckton, the 3rd Viscount of Monckton of Brenchley on global warming and the Copenhagen agreement. A little long but worth it if you've been looking for somebody to articulate what everybody knows, that global warming is a myth. (no, I do not know what that title means exactly.)



full story on the speech plus the slide show he refers to.

You Say Goodbye and I Say Get Lost
Yeah, I know Denver beat San Diego and has moved to 6-0. My response? So what. If you think I'm gonna pull a mea culpa and admit that the Broncos are any good then you've got another thing coming. The Raiders almost beat San Diego so how much does this win mean exactly? All your other wins are tainted. You can 16-0 my friends but if you keep padding the stats in Cleveland, Oakland and KC, you still suck.
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Sunday, October 18, 2009

Roundup!

Stampede
The University of Colorado finally beat a ranked team Saturday night, staving off a Kansas rally 34-30. It was going to be interesting to see how the team would respond to the coach benching his own son, then talking trash about him. Turns out poppa knows best as Tyler Hansen looked pretty good running the show. Win or no win, I think Coach Hawkins replacing his sons nameplate with one that say "Anchor" is completely uncalled for.

Destiny - Not Just A Name For Strippers
You know the Yankees are living a charmed life when they can actually beat the Angels. When the Angels seem to be actively trying to lose though, you know the gods have decided to intervene and end the Yankees nearly decade long title drought. My only real fear is that all this good luck will somehow end in the Yankees being beaten by the quadruple-A Dodgers in the world series. I remember all too well getting beat by the Marlins a few years ago and the shame of getting defeated by Los Angeles's original carpetbaggers would be too much to bear. Although Tommy Lasorda may just explode in a hail of delightful F-bombs during the postgame celebration which might be worth it.

By Me A Drink First
If the NFL were an HBO show then the Patriots are just about done tattooing a swastika on the ass of the Tennessee Titans. Aside from Randy Moss single handedly saving my fantasy day, this game does provoke many a question. How bad is Vince Young? He just took his first snap trailing 59-0 at the start of the fourth quarter. He must a complete wack job to not be starting for the atrocity of a team. Wow, real time update, VY just throws a pick. Nice. Now we know. This game might also provide the earliest example of an FU score in recorded history. Tom Brady throwing his fifth TD of the second quarter had FU written all over it. Gisele must have tied Tom's access to her body to his performance on the field because he played like a man possessed today. You would hardly know there was three feet of snow on the ground.

And On The Seventh Day Our Lord God Said - "No Dogfighting!"
If there was ever any doubt about how God felt about Mike Vick, now we know. Oakland 13 Philadelphia 9. This sort of righteous punishment seems a bit harsh to me. After all, not everybody on the team was dogfighting. The indignity of losing to Oakland seems like a punishment best saved for pedophiles and members of the Green Party. Having said that, as a long suffering member of Raider nation, I will now celebrate the unlikely victories of the Buffs, Stimulus Package (fantasy team), Yanks and Raiders, in the nude, up and down the streets of Colorado Springs. See you on the road and don't judge, it's winter.
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Friday, October 16, 2009

The Week That Was and Will Be

Balloon Boy
Having endured the turmoil of experiencing a 50 mile, homemade space ship flight that was sold as a life or death matter for the alleged six year old pilot, we now know that it was probably a hoax or maybe just really bad parenting. I've go news for you nutjobs, Being on Wife Swap - strike 1, family storm chasing - strike 2, fake emotional roller coaster - strike 3. This now qualifies for child abuse. That entire family deserves to be tied up, drug out back and beaten with a large sack of oranges, let that be your last TV appearance, jackasses.

Boozy and Floozy
Just drink this artistic jewel in.



The best part of this picture, aside from the haggard looking, clearly broken and depraved Snow White, is what it's for. Any guesses?
...
Yep, it's an add to sell beer. In Australia of course. Apparently it was an attempt to sell some raspberry ale as "anything but sweet." Works for me but do you really need to advertise booze in Australia? That's like advertising light bulbs.

The ad campaign has been suspended because "there may be some copyright issues." Yeah, maybe.
Full Story

Future News
In an attempt to generate some action, Vegas changes the line for Sunday's Oakland/Philly game to Raiders +30. The public skepticism was proved correct as the Eagles easily cover, 58-2.

More Future News
Game one of the ALCS, which started Friday night, finally comes to an anticlimactic end Sunday afternoon as the Yankees pulled out the win. 25-24. Having depleted all available players to actually play the game, Angels owner Arte Moreno challenged the meanest looking Yankee fan to winner take all game of Roshambo to end it. After 3 or 4 spirited rounds, Moreno fell to the earth defeated while the herculean, bear of a Yankee fan was carried of by a loaded David Wells.

A stunned Vladamir Guerrero was heard to remark, to no one in particular, with a tone of both admiration and disappointment "That guy has brass balls man. Brass. Freakin. Balls."

A curiously restrained Alex Rodriguez was reported to have muttered "that was Goldie Hawn." Kurt Russell could not be reached for comment.

Game two of the ALCS is scheduled to be played Tuesday through Thursday, first pitch scheduled for 6:15 EST.
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Thursday, October 15, 2009

At Least Soccer Has A Time Limit

Major League Baseball is riding fast on a freight train straight to hell and Joe Torre is riding shotgun.

I used to think all those 5 hour Yankees - Red Sox marathons were the result of intense rivalry and the superhuman competitiveness of Jeter, Man Ram, Papi, etc. Now I know that's B.S.

MLB baseball games are excruciating long because of one thing: over managing. Not hitters adjusting their nuts, spitting, retightening their gloves or, in Papi's case, just taking a break to get a little fatter. Nope, the only culprit is mangers and Joe Torre is their Duce.

Game 1 of the NLCS just ended with the Phillies winning 8-6 over the Dodgers. They managed to squeeze this one in in just over four hours, a brisk pace considering that Torre and his despot protege Charlie Manuel used no less than 6,325 pitchers. I myself got the call to warm up in the sixth but I was already icing down my shoulder in anticipation of getting the call somewhere around hour six of tomorrows ALCS opener.

Tonight's disgusting display was all the more sickening in that it was the National League. Quadruple A, the Junior College of baseball. This is supposed to be the pure league, pitchers hit, second basemen suck and Bob Costas can wax on and on about the beautiful game until the end of time. That kind of boring crap is fine if you can wrap it up in two hours but once you get past that it just becomes the Carnival of the Damned.

How exactly are these control freak managers over managing games? Let's see. The Dodgers and Phillies used a combined 13 pitchers to get 54 outs. 30 of those were gotten by the two starters so the other 24 outs were claimed by eleven different pitchers. They didn't even average a full inning! For the Phillies, Chan Ho Park and J.A. Happ, both starters moved to the bullpen, threw a combined 26 pitches to get 4 outs. Durbin and Bastardo both threw four pitches to get an out apiece. For the Dodgers, Belisario and Troncoso managed to throw just 11 pitches to get four outs.

In an odd occurrence, the two relievers who actually put in some work were the ones that sucked the most. Ryan Madson (former starter) managed to last for 31 whole pitches, allowing four hits and two runs while George Sherrill managed to firebomb the Dodgers chances by allowing 3 runs in just 21 pitches. Impressive efficiency.

And this idiotic phenomenon applies to the American League as well. Year long starter Joba Chamberlain of the Yankees managed to enter a game against the Twins long enough to walk one batter, then make way for Joe Girardi's next overly aggressive move.

The only plausible excuse for this ridiculous coddling of major league pitchers is if you're trotting out a Jesse Orosco type who literally can only throw 5 pitches a day. Outside of that, let the players play! They're big boys, they can take the work. Goose Gossage threw more innings in one year than Phil Coke will throw in his entire career. Compounding this problem is the idiocy of the four out save. Everybody knows that when you bring in a Rivera, Lidge, Paplebon, Nathan, etc. in the eighth to get out of a jam and then expect to throw him in the ninth, bad things happen. Yet all these psycho managers do it constantly, results be damned. Why don't you guys use one of those other multi-millionaire pitchers to get one more out and push it to the ninth before you bring in the Hammer of God?

Sadly, this is all a result of manager cowardice. They are scared to death of the heavy criticism of leaving a guy in too long so they go nuts the other way, generating pitch limits, Joba rules, one hitter specialists and all the other crap that makes baseball god awful to watch. Today's kids have all the attention span of squirrel on meth and you expect them to develop any love for the game when it takes four hours plus? Jon Gruden doesn't even sleep for the average length of a baseball game!

Last thing I'm gonna say; you remember hockey, right MLB? Do you remember when their game got so long and boring because of the neutral zone trap that casual fans started watching lacrosse? It was a lost decade for the NHL in terms of fan growth. Learn the lesson. That's all I'm asking.
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Wednesday, October 14, 2009

NFL Week 6 Defecations/Predictions

Vegas is now completely taking me to the woodshed. Not the good one either, the one where you get your ass kicked. Home team in CAPS.

Texans +4.5 over BENGALS (W)
Lions +13.5 over PACKERS (L)
Ravens +2.5 over VIKINGS (W)
SAINTS -3.5 over Giants (W)
Panthers -3.5 over BUCCANEERS (W)
Chiefs +6.5 over REDSKINS (W)
JAGUARS -9.5 over Rams (L)
STEELERS -14.5 over Browns (L)
Cardinals +2.5 over SEAHAWKS (W)
Eagles -14.5 over RAIDERS (L)
JETS -9.5 over Bills (L)
PATRIOTS -9.5 over Titans (W)
Bears +3.5 over FALCONS (L)
Broncos +4.5 over CHARGERS (W)

This Week: 8-6-0
Overall: 50-39-0
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Golden State Rams

Congratulations Los Angeles, you're one step closer to getting an NFL team now that Rush Limbaugh is being lied right out of a bid to buy the team currently in St. Louis.

Too bad all of this has to come as the product of a poisonous slander campaign.

The alleged reason Rush is out is some allegedly racist comments he made in the past. Reality seems to have lost its place in the world, at least when it comes to minority ownership of football teams. To recap:

Quote #1 - Slavery wasn't all bad because it built the South and the streets were safer at night.
Quote #2 - James Earl Ray should be given an award posthumously for the good he did.

Now these aren't exact quotes but are close enough to what's being used in the media. One reason they aren't exact quotes is because they were never said by Rush. They are being sourced to Wikiquote by some jackass who used those fake quotes in a book. No other source but Wikiquote has been produced. Supposedly he said them in 1998. If he did say them it should be easy to find. Everything he has said in the last 20 years has been recorded or broadcast on TV. You can get every episode of Chico and The Man on DVD these days, I'm sure you can find the audio archives of Americas number one radio talkshow. So I will assume that these are all fraudulent until somebody produces some audio or video.

Quote #3 - NFL games often look like a fight between Crips and Bloods without the weapons.

This has long been a concern for both football and basketball and has been discussed publicly before. David Stern has been waging a media war for years trying to erase the idea that the NBA is just full of neck inked thugs. That's why the Artest in Detroit melee was such a big deal. Anybody ignoring this just isn't being realistic. So Rush gets a "no racism" pass on that too.

Who exactly are the main players here against Rush?
Race merchant Jesse Jackson - Cheats on his wife, Duke Lacrosse, Hymie Town!
Racist Al Sharpton - Tawana Brawley, Duke Lacrosse, Don Imus, Reggie's anti-hymie bonfire.
Sheila Jackson Lee - Politician using her position to attack a private citizen on the floor of Congress, numerous idiotic statements, accused capitol security of being racist for stopping her for failure to provide security clearance.
DeMaurice Smith - Active Obama supporter.
Some NFL players - If any of you listen to rap music, your opinions are null and void.

A person should be honored to be opposed by this group. It would be comical if the media didn't give this collection of race merchants legitimacy.

Aside from the politics, this is a bad move for the NFL.

Rush has everything you want in a minority owner. A large fan base, tons of money that is expanding (no trust funds or stock options, just cash) and most importantly, a passion for the game and a vested interest in keeping the team in St. Louis (Rush was born in Cape Girardeau, MO). Of all the potential owners, how many do you think are passionate about keeping the Rams in St. Louis? Less than the amount who want to move it, I'm willing to bet.

One of the biggest sports tragedies in recent memory was the theft of the Supersonics. They had a good fan base, team history and recent shots at the title. They were stolen away to Oklahoma City only because the city wouldn't highjack the taxpayers for a new stadium. St. Louis also has awesome fans and just recently had one of the most exciting teams in the history of the sport in The Greatest Show on Turf. And now they are in danger of being gone as well. Why? Because the owners are broke, like many other former rich guys in this economy. The list of St. Louis natives who have the dough to buy the Rams is short to nonexistent. But LA is just sitting there like a snake waiting to strike. Potential owners have been trying to get a team back there for years and they may now get the chance to do so on the cheap.

The sad irony is that I seem to be the only one to remember that St. Louis saved the Rams from total obscurity and irrelevance when they were playing in . . . . . wait for it . . . . . . LOS ANGELES! That's right, a city that bailed on the team once before may well get it back from the city that made it relevant again, just awesome.

Now it was no guarantee that the Checketts/Limbaugh bid would have won anyway. The team could just as easily have been sold to some LA based group even with Rush in the fold but the way this went down is disgraceful. It was pure politics, nothing more. Liberals wanted to hurt Rush, no more, no less. This shameful ordeal proved once again that liberals are only interested in open mindedness and freedom to be you and me if, and only if, you happen to be liberal as well. If somebody happens to be conservative though, then you can play the insidious racist card, which is one liberals love because there is no good defense to it, and just invent quotes out of thin air to support your already bogus argument. And because the media shills for leftists with a lack of shame that is becoming more and more galling by the day, this behavior is being rewarded.

So go ahead and gloat Jackson, Sharpton, etc. the media has handed you another fake victory upon which you can build your fraudulent credentials. The only victims are the truth, St. Louis and something called personal dignity. Things you folks care about very little.

And look out Minnesota, St. Louis is getting to ready to head back to the singles bar and they're already eyeballing your date.
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Thursday, October 8, 2009

Everyone Wins! . . . Except the Dead

Another day, another mindless conversation about Afghanistan. The Generals want another 40,000 troops, at least, and Obama wants to placate the Kucinich wing of his party. Thank god I'm here to offer solutions.

OPTION #1
Give the Generals all the troops they want. This would actually be the politically sound thing to do. There aren't enough pacifist-socialists in the country to doom Obama in 2012 or the Dems in 2010. Probably won't happen since Bama is an ideological robot.

OPTION #2
Do nothing, maintain the status quo. This would make nobody happy and hurt the Dems in every election going forward. Might happen anyway since Obama isn't any kind of leader in tough situations.

OPTION #3
Instead of 40,000 extra troops, send 40,000 extra Massive Ordinance bombs. You could even reduce the troop level so long as you were aggressive bombing. I'm not talking about any "shock and awe" crap either, I'm talking about Dresden style carpet bombing and Japan style fire bombing. Obama might rule it out completely due to predictable civilian casualties.

OPTION #4
Leave all troop levels as they are but relax the rules of engagement dramatically. American soldiers are good at many things but they are most effective when they are just allowed to kill the enemy. This would renew troop morale by giving them a legitimate say in the outcome of the war and by extension their lives. This would also result in an increase on the amount of dead terrorists and Taliban fighters. The objective of the war, as I understand it. Maybe possible as the media might hide the change in ROE from leftist activists.

OPTION #5
End the war, remove all troops. This is a horrible idea but could be feasible. Obama could justify it to average Americans by blaming Bush for letting it get out of hand and then blame NATO for not fully committing to the war. This would make his uber pacifists orgasmic, provide plausible cover to a goodish chunk of NATO hating Americans and allow him to stress just how important international institutions are to world peace. You know how he loves that.

Let's see. Five options, three would win the war, two would be a disgrace. I wonder which ones are seriously being considered now.
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Wednesday, October 7, 2009

NFL Week 5 Predictions

Holy crap I got shellacked last week. Vegas knew what they were doing.

Browns +6.5 over BILLS(W)
Steelers -10.5 over LIONS(L)
Cowboys -8.5 over CHIEFS(L)
Vikings -10.5 over RAMS(W)
Raiders +16.5 over GIANTS(L)
EAGLES -13.5 over Buccaneers(W)
PANTHERS -3.5 over Redskins(W)
RAVENS -8.5 over Bengals(L)
Falcons +2.5 over 49ERS(W)
Jaguars +0.5 over SEAHAWKS(L)
Texans +5.5 over CARDINALS(L)
BRONCOS +3.5 over Patriots(W)
Colts -3.5 over TITANS(W)
Jets -1.5 over DOLPHINS(L)

This Week 7-7-0
Overall 42-33-0
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Puck Theory

I heard an interesting idea on the B.S. Report the other day regarding the NHL. Simmons said that the NHL should contract to 24 teams with twelve being Canadian and twelve being American. This sounded interesting but contraction is always tricky. Lets see how it would play out:

CANADA:
Current Teams
Montreal Canadians
Toronto Maple Leafs
Ottawa Senators
Vancouver Canucks
Edmonton Oilers
Calgary Flames

Wow, only six current teams left. Sad. It can be done though.
Welcome to the League!

Quebec Nordiques
Winnipeg Jets
Toronto Team #2

To get the last three you need to rely on rabid Canadian fans to fill the arena.

British Columbia team #2. Needs balance with Vancouver. In Victoria maybe.
Halifax. Nova Scotia has people, needs a team and is on the East coast.
The last team has be in either Ontario or Quebec province. I would like to see it in Waterloo just to see how many over dramatic Waterloo lines the media could come up with. Don Cherry might just explode.

United States:
Chicago Blackhawks
Detroit Red Wings
Philadelphia Flyers
Boston Bruins
Pittsburgh Penguins
New Jersey Devils
New York Rangers
St. Louis Blues
Colorado Avalanche
San Jose Sharks
Minnesota North Stars
Hartford Whalers

Tough choices. Here's the explanations.

Washington Capitals - D.C. just doesn't feel like a hockey town, maybe not even a sports town. The Skins, Nationals, Bullets (never Wizards) all have been poisoned by D.C. and now suck. Besides, why should all of America subsidize Canada's national sport in our capital?
Carolina Hurricanes - A mistake that needs fixing. Easy call.
Buffalo Sabres - Heartbreaking, they fall prey to there being too many teams in New York and the Hartford mistake being fixed. New York's loss is Connecticut's gain.
Tampa Bay Lightning - Tampa is still in Florida right?
Florida Panthers - See Tampa.
New York Islanders - tough call but NYC doesn't need three teams within 4 minutes of each other. If you want to kill off the Rangers or Devils, I'm willing to listen.
Atlanta Thrashers - please.
Anaheim Ducks, Los Angeles Kings - All the pacific is going to be represented by San Jose which has a good fan base with money. Nobody cares about hockey in Los Angeles when Gretzky isn't there and nobody cares about Anaheim, period. If you don't believe me just ask yourself why the MLB Angles had to add Los Angeles to their team name.
Nashville Predators - Mistake from the start.
Columbus Blue Jackets - Good market but a newbie caught in a numbers game.
Dallas - You stole it from Minnesota and don't deserve it.
Phoenix - You stole it from Winnipeg and then went bankrupt so go screw.

I think this could be a viable plan. A Canadian city only needs 70,000 people to support a team so some of those small markets could work out well. Contraction would make all these teams better as well with less diluted talent pool. Awesomeness ensues.
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Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Read This Post!

Now that we're a full quarter of the way through the NFL season, it's time to take stock of my beloved Raiders.

The only real question left to ask is if Michael Vick will be our starting QB next year or will it be Brady Quinn? A closer inspection is required.

VICK:
Well, to get Vick the Raids would have to make another trade which gives them the opportunity to vastly overpay for something again, (Seymour, R., Brown, L.) so that's a plus. I see a 5 year, 60 million dollar deal, heavily frontloaded and guaranteed. Vick also has the rifle arm and no accuracy, so check and check.

There are some potential roadblocks though. After Al Davis traded the Raiders 2011 first round pick to the Patriots for a long snapper and ball tee, I'm not sure they have enough picks to entice the Eagles into a trade. Unless Andy Reid is eyeballing that 2015 second round conditional. Secondly, Vick is a loser. Al Davis like to take past winners who are washed up and try to recapture glory. Aside from being a dog fighting champion and successful spreader of herpes, I don't think Mexico . . . . er. . . Vick has many trophies on the shelf.

QUINN:
Quinn has the upside of being a total castoff that nobody wants. he got benched in Cleveland for Gods sake. Time for a Plunkett revival! He would certainly come cheap, important for the NFL's least valuable team. Quinn doesn't have any arm to speak of which is bad for the 1960's era playbook the Cable Guy runs but he does have one thing that makes him a near lock to end up in silver and black.

Notre Dame. The Golden Dome. Al Davis loves anybody who played for Notre Dame, even if they suck. Especially if they have a Heisman. Or were mentioned for a Heisman. It's like talent evaluating with Beano Cook.

OUTLOOK: Who Will QB the Raiders in 2010?
Vick - 3:1
Quinn - 5:2
Ron Powlus - 10:1
Jason Campbell - 21:1
Jeff George - 2:7
JaMarcus Russell - off the board

ODDS AND ENDS:
Good effort JaMarcus, now lose 20 pounds and start working in at right tackle.

Can we put to rest the idea that Darren McFadden is an elite talent? He's an injury prone fumble machine who can't work inside the hashes. He's a poor mans Reggie Bush. A POOR MANS REGGIE BUSH!!! He'll be porking Alexis Arquette within the next few weeks, lock it down.

Brett Favre looks like Harry Dean Stanton in Red Dawn.

Aaron Rodgers looks like a man who fully supports a Logans Run type rule for NFL quarterbacks.

Now we know who wears the pants in Tom Brady's house. Nobody.

You only need one thing to make Southern Comfort delicious. A glass.

Or a really long straw.

Adrian Peterson reminds me of a running back who has some big games then disappears.

Why do some bottles of Jack Daniels havea green labels? Is there some form of awesome that I'm unaware of?

C.C. Sabathia could be JaMarcus Russell's half brother.

When I see fourth fourth rounder Louis Murphy outplaying Darius Heyward-Bey badly, it makes me go to the dark place for sad time. Maybe trading those first round picks is a good move after all.

Javon Walker? Anybody?
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Monday, October 5, 2009

The Afghan - Worlds Worst Blanket

Listening to the running debate between Obama and his generals, it's tempting to just rampage on and on about the Presidents stunning lack of commitment to our troops or to the concept of victory. Well not surprising really but still disappointing.

However, while Obama should just send the reinforcements immediately or end the war completely, one group is getting off without so much as a public reprimand.

NATO.

You know, the group of nations united as one to fight common enemies, blah, blah, blah.

Last time I checked McChrystal was in charge of all NATO forces. If he says he needs 40,000 more troops, why exactly does the United States have to supply all of them? What possible benefit is there to forming an alliance with a group of nations that have no capacity or desire to fight? Most of these countries wouldn't actively fight the Soviets so the odds of them fighting some stateless terrorist is slim indeed.

This sordid situation is becoming all to common in NATO exercises and it is becoming clear that NATO is suffering from UN-itis. That is the disease that makes nations talk about unity out of one side of their mouth, then shirk all responsibility out the other.

If all of NATO can't get 40,000 troops together to keep a nation state from falling completely into anarchy, taking Pakistan with it, then the long term usefulness should be seriously reexamined.

Perhaps, like the UN, this is an organization that simply need not exist anymore.

Certainly not as is, being subsidized by American blood and money.
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Friday, October 2, 2009

Love Beads and Razor Blades

Get ready lovers and alternative lifestylers of the world, the IOC just dropped a present right in your laps.

The AstroGlide Olympics, live from Rio de Janerio, Brazil, summer 2016. What makes this extra special is that there is a full six years to prepare! Just think of how many hours of weight loss, tanning and laser hair removal you can get done in that amount of time. Hell, you can even squeeze in a few years of hormone therapy and that sex change you've had your eye on and still be ready to roll for the Games.

This has all the potential to be a record setting event of some sort. When the Olympics (or World Cup, I forget) were in Germany we heard about them busing in more hookers, etc. to handle the crowds of single men and curious women. That was in a cold, somewhat depressing country best known for the Holocaust. Can you imagine how "free spirited" people are going to be in a city where they actually had to pass a law to get parade participants to wear at least four inches of clothes? This is the same city whose Carnival makes Mardi Gras look like Church sponsored social mixer.

It's no wonder the IOC decided to embarrass Obama and break off Chicago in the first round of voting, why were they in the running in the first place? Rio we covered, Madrid is a cool place, a little Europe, a little Mexico, a little Muslim, Tokyo is also cool, some far East culture and all that weird crap they make over there. Good times. What about Chicago? Tons of gangbangers beating each other to death in the streets and fat polish guys? Oppressive heat? They have a place like that in Europe, it's called Poland and I doubt Warsaw made the short list either.

So congrats to Brazil and the IOC. In these tough economic times it's good to know the fine people who manufacture human growth hormone, water soluble lubricant, penicillin and Nautilus machines will be clocking some overtime in the next few years. Combine this with Brazil wanting to get themselves some nukes and the world just got a whole lot more interesting.

And if you happen to be travelling through the Swiss Alps or some Italian villa in the next years and you see a seemingly deranged old man furiously training at all hours of the day, don't be alarmed. That's just Alberto Tomba trying to master the triple jump or javelin throw, so he can get one more shot at the gold.
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NFL Week 4 Predictions

home team in CAPS

Lions +10.5 over BEARS(L)
Bengals -5.5 over BROWNS(L)
COLTS -8.5 over Seahawks(W)
Giants -9.5 over CHIEFS(W)
Buccaneers +7.5 over REDSKINS(W)
Titans -2.5 over JAGUARS(L)
Raiders +9.5 over TEXANS(L)
Ravens +2.5 over PATRIOTS(L)
Jets + 6.5 over SAINTS(L)
Cowboys -3.5 over BRONCOS(L)
49ERS -10.5 over Rams(W)
Chargers +6.5 over STEELERS(L)
Packers +3.5 over VIKINGS(L)

This Week: 4-9-0
Overall: 35-26-0
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