NFL Preview: Detroit Lions

QB: C- Oh boy, what a mess. This grade is only this high because you've gotta figure Stafford has some talent. He wasn't deserving the number one pick though, I remember being very underwhelmed watching him in college. Outside of Stafford though they only have the Ghost of Daunte Culpepper and the immortal Drew Stanton. They're going to suck anyway, might as well get the Staph a little gametime.

RB: B Kevin Smith is actually a pretty good back, runs well, catches well. He's probably going to get 700 carries this years since his back ups are Maurice Morris and Avion Cason. FANTASY IMPACT! There are only 2 Lions worth drafting and Smith is one of them. Don't panic and take him the first round though.

WR: B+ Megatron Calvin Johnson is a machine who would be dominant if the QB didn't suck. He's alot like Andre Johnson in the lean days with the Texans. Bryant Johnson, Dennis Northcutt and rookie Derrick Williams are average at best.

TE: D Rookie TE Brandon Pettigrew is already hurt for crying out loud. Don't the ghosts of Rickey Dudley and Kellen Winslow scare these GM's from drafting TE's too high? Guess not.

OL: C Outside of Backus and Raiola, the group is astonishingly average. They can't be all bad, Smith did get almost a thousand yards last year.

DL: D- Washed up or no names, take your pick. Grady Jackson, Jared DeVries, Grady Jackson, Chartric Darby(?) and DeWayne White. This reminds of the scene in major league where the construction workers are reading the names of who made the team. All they could say was "Who the hell are these guys?" Indeed.

LB: A Yeah! A bright spot on D, whoooo! Julien Peterson, Larry Foote and Earnie Sims are all too good to play for Detroit. It doesn't really matter though, see DL & DB. FANTASY TIP! If you're in an IDP league, Sims has the big play potential of the group.

DB: F This unit makes me sad. Cowboy cast away Anthony Henry mans on CB while Philip Buchanon, yes that one, mans the other side. Dallas's secondary sucks and they still cut Henry. Philip is so inconsistent that Jon Gruden brought him along to Tampa so he could doghouse him for a few more years. You don't know the safties and neither do I but we both know they're terrible.

P/K: B+ Sweet Jesus, Jason Hanson has spent more time in Detroit than Dean Martin spent in purgatory. Probably feels about the same.

COACHING: Inc. Jim Schwartz could be good, could be bad but one thing we know is that he isn't Josh McDaniels. Check and Mate.

BEST CASE SCENARIO: 6-10, 3rd in the North.

WORST CASE SCENARIO: 0-16, Last in professional sports. I have no witty comments. Sometimes the truth stands alone.

RANDOM THOUGHT: The Lions jersey's suck ass. Just wear the throwbacks everybody loves and try and proceed with some dignity, for God's sake.