While a cursory glance at the news would suggest that the COVID pandemic and resulting quarantine have resulted in a chaotic world with no mooring in reality or decency, my own personal experience during this period has been one of profound dullness and boredom. I suspect that is a feeling shared by a vast majority of people.
One positive development though has been my son getting old enough to get into video games in a real way. With Nintendo Switch unavailable for the vast majority of this time our journey into gaming would have to suffice with an ancient Gamecube, Wii and still pretty relevant PS3. This series will review the games we have managed to complete this lost summer and we start with the first Ebay bargain I was able to locate; Sonic Colors on the Wii.
My son immediately loved Sonic as a character and looking back on it now I wish that we hadn't started with this particular game. Having played a few Sonic games lately, Colors is far and away the best one and every subsequent voyage into Sonic Teams blighted hellscape delivered slightly diminishing returns. Or significantly diminished returns. Like when the X-Files lost Mulder and Sculley and had to make do with Robert Patrick and Annabeth Gish.
The plot is the nonsensical pap the comprises all Sonic games. Dr. Robotnik is doing evil things for "reasons", Sonic and Tails have to fight him for "other reasons" and after four million destroyed robots and five million horrific puns, Sonic does a backflip, calls you a cool dude, then gives you a C- grade because you missed a red star ring that only a Ritalin fueled uber millennial could possibly have gotten to on the first run. All standard items on the Sonic greatest hits album.
So why the positive review? Generally speaking because the game is actually playable. My son is six and he was able to navigate most of the levels, figure out the puzzles and switches and, shockingly, he was able to also learn and successfully implement the various powers and abilities of the various "colors". And he was completely happy the entire time.
That's a significant upgrade over most Sonic games. The ones I've seen have a never ending cast of supporting characters that exist for no other reason than to diversify the Sonic cosplay and furry conventions. The "colors" in this game are aliens who you are trying to save from Eggmans plan to use them as energy in a Matrixesque world but without providing them any kind of computer generated alternate reality. They have no personality to speak of though, they simply power Sonic up in a variety of ways that help him complete the levels. More importantly, they don't talk.
The other improvement is the gameplay physics. As I said, a six year old was able to manage the controls. That is a significant achievement considering the horrific physics in other Sonic games that make running, jumping, grabbing, etc. nearly impossible. The always present problem of Sonic moving too fast to navigate the world without dying constantly or running face first into walls was eliminated for the most part. And the grading system, long a device to shame you for playing such horrific games, is actually fair and provides motivation to replay the levels, do the side quests, find the red stars and unleash Super Sonic upon the world. The limited lives system was also done away with, I think. If it wasn't, its impact was minimized to the point of not noticing the way you do in some of Sonic's other rage inducing games.
All told, this was a great game to play with a kid, during a quarantine, without access to modern level consoles or PC games. That's meant to be complimentary. Combine that with a Jim Carrey/James Marsden Sonic movie that was far better than it had any right to be and its hard to imagine a better start to the quarantine. I was able to spend more quality time with my son in those first few weeks than I did with any other kid in their whole lives. Such innocent days those were. The school break was just one long spring break, all the Sonic content was competent and the days were filled with joyful laughter from a new gamer who delighted in chili dogs and running around the yard with his arms behind him like his new hero did. I think of those days fondly as the summer optimism fades into the chill of the fall, the world burns nightly and I struggle to understand why in the hell a game that requires moving a were-hog through tight turns also incorporates a double tap run function.
But that's for another day.
GRADE: B-
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