Have Style, Will Travel

At the rate things are going, the flood of Mexicans coming across the border won't be called illegal aliens, they'll be called refugees.

Over the weekend the mayor of the west Mexico town of Tancitaro was found dead in the bed of a flat bed pickup, stoned to death. There apparently wasn't any immediate connection to the drug violence that has been destroying that country for more than a decade. No other theories have been presented.

I, for one, hope like hell it was drug related. Otherwise, Mexicans from other walks of life have decided that the legal process is so flawed that they need to resort to barbaric forms of capital punishment to settle whatever issues they have. That's truly frightening considering the free reign these people have getting into the United States.

Meanwhile, the United States continues to do nothing while our friendly neighbors to the South have decided to combine the worst parts of Afghanistan/Pakistan (violent drug trade) with the worst parts of Iran/Saudi Arabia (stoning) just to see how it plays out. If that combo somehow doesn't produce a utopia, the next step will be to pirate the Russian/Filipino sex trade market and start kidnapping kids into a life of prostitution. Although that may actually already be happening in some parts.

Of all the things in the world that actually need some kind of governmental response, a border country turning into a complete anarchic state should be at the top of the list. Apparently, our government has decided that they would rather harass us themselves before everything goes to hell completely.

At this pace though, Mexico is going to turn into a Somalia-esque calamity of warlords and genocide. If Obama cares at all about trying to keep a flood of war displaced refugees from flooding into our southland, he might want to start pulling some strings and taking some decisive action against these cartels. Things are bad now but brother, when this thing pops, I don't want to be anywhere near the misery that will come with it.

2 Birds, 1 Big Ass Stone

This week, a group of scientists came out with a study concluding that an asteroid strike is the only plausible explanation for the extinction of dinosaurs.

They also think they have found the point of impact, the Mexican town of Chicxulub located on the Yucutan peninsula, home to about 5000 people.

Not only would this explain the dinosaurs but also what is wrong with Mexico as well.

Think of the transformation in Japan after we dropped the nuke on them. They went from being an imperialistic empire that was militarily active and trying to expand its sphere of influence. With that were the traditional notions of honor and sacrifice, etc. that have been shown in every WWII movie made. After we nuked them though there was a big change. They are some of the most peaceful people on the planet yet they are clearly traumatized since they seem hell bent on cornering the market for bloodiest movies, strangest porn, neon merkins and least understandable game shows.

Seriously, if it weren't for Germany wouldn't Japan be the clubhouse leader for the "Weirdest Shit Going On" title? I think so.

If only two little nukes could do that, imagine what a force 65 billion times the power of that could do. Could it create a land that seems to have all the trappings of a successful nation state but constantly seems to be a lawless failed state? Could it explain Tijuana, Telemundo or Horchata? I think so.

At least in here in the United States we got closer to some good Tequila instead of Sake, that makes the whole ordeal worth it.

They Have Laws?

In a stunning twist, Mexico has declared that possession of marijuana, cocaine & heroin is now "decriminalized" so long as the quantity is small and for personal use only. I assume cartel running and border distribution are still illegal.

Now, the cynic in me would point out that the complete lack of institutional control of their country has led to these things, along with everything else, being completely legal for many a year now but for the sake of argument I'll assume Mexico is actually a legitimate country that has the ability to enforce laws.

The real question is, why stop with making possession illegal?

Can you imagine what the cartels would do if their illicit endeavor were suddenly legal? Subject to taxation, regulation or government takeover?

It would spark one of two ways. The business could go legit, growing and producing drugs in plain sight but then they would still have to get them into other countries illegally, they can't sell everything to Amsterdam.

It could also explode in the governments face. Legalization solely in Mexico wouldn't help the cartels much, there isn't any market in Mexico so they would still need to export for profits, assuming all the same risks as before. The only thing legalization adds to the equation for the cartels is that the government would try and get their hands in the dope filled cookie jar. Unfortunately for the government, the cartels are the stronger entity and both sides know it. Any attempts to get money for the cartels would just lead to more conflict between the Army and the cartels.

So what should Mexico do? I would say do both to some extent. Legalize drugs, don't enforce the border, don't try and extract any money from the cartels.

This would achieve the main Mexican objective, removing the violence from the Mexican side of the border. No more clashes with the Army, no more snitches, kidnappings etc. All Mexico would have to do is convince the cartels to leave each other alone, which shouldn't be hard considering all the cartels have to gain by operating in a free-zone the size of Mexico.

Now this does cause problems for Mexico's neighbors. Traffic across the border and drug dealing would all increase in major cities and border crossings. The flood of new drugs would lead to lower costs and thus wider distribution. The increase in distribution over a wider area would lead to an increase in domestic crime from both drug addicts, who tend to have a high crime rate and drug dealers who would be fighting over the expanded dealing territory. See the genius? All the turf wars and social decline from pervasive drug use could happen abroad instead of in Mexico. Who knows? maybe the cartels might actually employ some Mexicans to work in the new production farms.

Would this blatant ducking of responsibility really shock anybody Mexico is already a bad neighboring country. If they implement my plan of exportation of crime and violence the can just be a bad neighbor instead of a bad neighbor that is on the borderline of being a failed state.

Can You Picture Justice? Good, Now Do the Opposite

Most things in this world make sense if you can figure out the logic of the people involved.

Many times, in movies and other forms of pop culture, the logic and motivations of humans is a complex riddle that needs to be unraveled over an exhaustive period of investigation and reflection. In reality, people are basically simple creatures and we all respond to basically the same stimuli and we organize our society as such.

Then we see how the legal system of this great nation deals with crimes and our minds are totally blown.

Lets examine the cases of four NFL players, so we can compare apples to apples, with no regard for racial or economic differences. In other words, all four are rich black guys so we don't have to worry about accusations of racial profiling and the star treatment.

CASE #1 - Leonard Little vs. Ron Mexico aka Michael Vick

In 1998 Little got piss drunk, twice the legal limit, got behind the wheel of car and promptly killed somebody. He was sentenced to a massive 90 days(!) in the pokey and a few years probation. Amazingly, in 2004 he was arrested again on suspicion of DUI and speeding. He beat the DUI and avoided more jail time but was convicted of speeding. Apparently, despite killing somebody with his car, he had his license again by 2004. Either way, 2 very reckless incidents, evidence of a drinking problem and one corpse equal 90 days in jail.

Mike Vick, on the other hand, got busted for financing an interstate dog fighting operation and personally killing some dogs in particularly cruels ways. He got 23 months in a serious federal prison (3 months off for good behavior), probation, is nearly bankrupt and will have a hard time getting back in the NFL.

Now, Mike Vick is despicable for what he did but the law came down on him in a big way and essentially hit the reset button on his life; Little got drunk and KILLED SOMEBODY and only served 90 days! Unbelievable.

Surely this discrepancy was the result of some loophole that had to be closed right? Well, lets see.

CASE #2 - Plaxico Burress vs. Donte Stallworth

Burress hasn't gone to trial yet but the facts of the case aren't an issue. He brought a handgun to a club in New York City and promptly shot himself. He's facing years in jail and a lengthy suspension by the NFL.

It's like the time Brett Favre threw a pass to himself except for in this case the ball was a bullet.

Stallworth, following in Little's footsteps, went to Miami, got loaded, hopped in his car and proceeded to mow somebody down.

He got 30 days in jail, paid a undisclosed chunk of cash to the family and will almost surely get suspended from the NFL.

It's beyond the scope of comprehension that the penalty for getting drunk and killing somebody has actually been reduced from a paltry 90 days to an insulting 30 days.

How must Plaxico feel? He's staring down a few years in Attica for basically being an idiot. He'll be the only person in the slammer who was both the perpetrator and the victim of an assault with a handgun.

If we were to summarize this disconcerting paradox, it would be on one side: 2 corpses and 2 DUI's equal 120 days in jail and on the other: some dead dogs, a self-inflicted gunshot wound and some tax problems equals 3 to 5 years in jail.

What exactly are we to make of this as a society? Glad you asked.

1) if you're a potential criminal, steer clear of the Atlantic coast. NY and VA laid down the hammer, MO and OH, zipped up the body bags and gave a quick "move along, nothing to see here."
2) If you're going to shoot a gun, you're no better off shooting yourself. You might as well find someone you don't like and accidentally shoot them in thigh.
3) Get drunk before you do anything. Apparently a drunken defense is the legal equivalent of an Etch-a-Sketch. Give it a shake and all that crap disappears.
4) Car is to accident as gun is to assault
5) For God's sake, leave the animals alone!

At least now we know. Humans deaths are less offensive than a dogs and actual manslaughter is more heinous than the potential danger to others that comes with shooting yourself in leg.

It should be interesting to see how much further from sane we can get over the next few years.