NFL Preview: Minnesota Vikings

QB: D+ Now that the great gray menace has decided to stay in Mississippi, the Vikings have to deal with the hard reality that all they have is Tarvaris Jackson and Sage Rosenfels. That’s not going to be good enough to win the Super Bowl and maybe not even make the playoffs. What they need is a dynamic (Vick) playmaker to take pressure off (Vick)the RB’s either with his feet or arm. (Vick) I wonder if anybody is available. (Vick !)

RB: A+ Adrian Peterson and Chester Taylor are as good a two back combo in the league. The only concern is the durability both backs so look for them to share more of the load this year. FANTASY TIP: Peterson should go in the top two picks but be wary of the split load and lack of receptions if you are in point-per-reception league.

WR: C Bernard Berrian, Bobby Wade and Sidney Rice are all average at best, although they do make big plays, usually off play action. No consistency or reliability in catching the ball though, partly because they aren’t very good and partly because the QB’s suck. Berrian is the only real fantasy option. Maybe a late round flyer on Rice.

TE: B Dirk Shiancoe exposed himself last year as an above average TE. Luckily he’s good enough blocking and catching where he doesn’t come off the field much although Kleinsasser is a potential red zone vulture.

OL: A McKinnie, Hutchinson and Loadholt are all excellent. Peterson is going to go huge again and whoever is the QB should have plenty of time to throw the ball. Any inflated sack numbers are due to the fact that Jackson likes to run around too much.

DL: B+ This unti depends mostly on massive DT’s Pat & Kevin Williams, if they aren’t suspended or busy in court then the DL will be fine. If not it could get ugly. Jared Allen is All Pro on the outside while Edwards and Udeze are good enough on the other side.

LB: B- Greenway, Henderson and Beber are all slightly above average. None of them are going put up big time sack numbers but they all will get a couple sacks, couple picks tons of tackles.

DB: B Winfield and Griffith are both excellent on the corners and Williams and Johnson are both pretty ok at S. The only concern is the size really, all of them are pretty small which could get to be a problem if some RB starts running wild, which probably shouldn’t happen so long as the DL’s aren’t MIA.

K/P: B Longwell is fine in a dome but a little weak in the elements. I don’t know who Kluwe is, which is always good for a punter.

COACHING: C- even without Favre, Childress seems content with Jackson & Rosenfels which is insane. This is a super bowl team if it had an average QB. They should have made a run at a Byron Leftwich type to run that offense, which is also devoid of a little imagination I must say. Probably Childress’s last go around if he doesn’t make a playoff run.

BEST CASE SCENARIO: 12-4, First in the North, Super Bowl Champions.

WORST CASE SCENARIO: 6-10, 3rd in the North. Peterson and the D will win them some games that the QB tries to lose. What we should all hope for is for Childress to suggest the team rent a boat and throw a party to try and ease some of the Favre saga. Hilarity ensues.

Goodell is spelled S-A-N-C-T-I-M-O-N-I-U-S

Well, Mike "Ron Mexico" Vick has finally served his entire sentence and is ready to rejoin society.

When he can rejoin football is another story that will be written by the defender of morality, virtue and chastity for all, Cotton Mather Goodell. Apparently Cotton feels that after 2 years in the clink, Vick still has to do some PR work with PETA and the Humane Society before his NFL suspension will be lifted.

Give me a break. What possible purpose dos it serve to have Vick fake false regret to bunch of yuppie activists? Despite your Puritanical leaning Goodell, your league is full of jackass, drug addicts, PED users, gamblers and other various criminals. You should be glad Vick didn't get drunk and kill innocent bystanders like Leonard Little or Dante Stallworth.

Now I don't excuse Vick, I'm just not a hypocrite. Vick viciously killed animals for sport, we do it for food. What, do you think all those veal calves are chained to the ground and smothered with love until they transform into veal like some culinary diamond? Hell no, those poor creatures literally die of sadness. According to the USDA, the sad is what makes them tender.* Foie gras is made by forcing a goose to eat until its liver explodes in his body. Very compassionate.

Look, Vick is an A-hole, he got caught, he went to the pokey and lost all his money. We can call it even now right?

In a related note, when Vick gets reinstated I have two destinations for him.

The first is Minnesota. Screw Favre. Go with exciting and upside. Vick and Peterson would be an awesome running combo and Vick should still be able to throw some bombs in the dome. It would even be economically beneficial, you can get Vick on the cheap given his baggage.

Second, the Miami Dolphins. I've seen Chad Pennington, Chad Henne and Pat White and if they're your starting QB's you've got trouble. Might as well take a flyer on Vick and hope Parcells can keep him in line. The real reason though is the TV possibilities of Vick in South Beach. Here's the setup, you get Vick, brother Marcus (the Vick brothers have the greatest potential for highjinks since the Canseco Brothers invaded Miami and possibly Madonna all those years ago) and some of Vick's posse from Virginia paired up with a camera crew. Then, every Friday you pay Vick his game check in cash and send him off to Miami's red light district chauffeured by Pacman Jones. You could measure the amount of time it takes to call the cops with a stopwatch. It would be the perfect combination of Hard Knocks, Cops, Cribs and Playmakers.

Must see TV.

*may not be an actual fact.