NFL Preview: Oakland Raiders

Time to stop screwing around with world affairs, I can smell the gridiron and have 32 of these things to write before Labor Day, best to get going.

QB: C- This grade is only this high based on the small potential shown by JaMarcus Russell at the end of last year. If he continues to progress it could be good but if he gets lazy again it could be an F, drifting into Leaf territory. Jeff Garcia continues to show questionable judgment latching on to another crappy team instead of retiring to Hef's mansion with his playmate wife. If he's playing their losing, simple as that. Andrew Walter, Charlie Frye and Bruce Gradkowski are all vying for the third spot. Maybe they should sign a backup kicker instead.

RB: A+ Justin Fargas and Michael Bush are studs*. Fargas and McFadden are made of silly string though so look for Bush to get more carries and yards than you would think. Potential goaline vulture for fantasy purposes. BOLD PREDICTION* - McFadden will be a bust. He was overrated in the draft and is overrated and injury prone now. Neal & O'Neal are both fine blocking FB's.

WR: D Oh boy, does this group suck ass. The Corpse of Javon Walker and Darius Heyward-Bey(DHB) are both hurt already which isn't good when Walker was already a ghost due to his pistol whipping in Vegas last year and DHB has "trouble catching the ball". Yikes. Backups Chaz Schielens & Johnny Lee Higgens are ok I guess but I've never heard anybody game plan for somebody named Chaz. The Raiders did draft the latest Florida bust in Louis Murphy so that should be fun. Basically, no fantasy value, everyone has bust potential. If you enjoyed the James Jett, Mervyn Fernandez era then tune in!

TE: B+ Zach Miller would be an All Pro if anybody could throw him the ball but needs to improve pass blocking to be a Gonzalez-esque player. John Paul Foschi is notable only in the fact that you can combine him with Johnny Lee Higgins in a weird six name parlay.

OL: D Good zone blocking road graders, absolute shit pass protection. Barnes and Henderson both went from being cut or inactivated to starting tackles, Gallery is solid in his new life as a guard but Green, Carlisle, Wade & Satele are all other teams trash.

DL: F Can't stop the run, can't rush the passer. Other than their solid. Warren is still a monumental draft bust, Kelly has been a bust since the big contract (shocker) Burgess wants out in the worst way, Sands can only play half time due to the fact that he weighs moe than an Sherman Tank. Richardson and Ellis are both solid but don't make any big plays.

LB: B+ Kirk Morrison & Thomas Howard are both tackling machines. Morrison isn't very fast but has good position and makes big INT's. Howard is a big time playmaker prone to big time lapses in coverage. You've never heard of anybody trying for the third spot. This group is highly susceptible to big plays by the TE or RB out of the backfield.

DB: Asomugha A+ Everyone Else: F Asomugha is so good nobody even throws at them and why should they? Everybody else is a matador. Nobody can tackle, Huff is a bust, and all the others are low draft picks who play only because they're fast. FUN FACT - Second round draft pick Mitchell was rated the 87th best safety by Mel Kiper yet Al Davis took him in round two after seeing an impressive YouTube video of him lighting up Division 2 players. Not invited to the combine. I was invited to the combine.

K: Incomplete You can never tell with SeaBass. If he can manage not to date rape himself he can be decent with no pressure. If the voices get to him and he drowns in sea of kielbasa then in can be Barrett Robbins-esque.

P: A+ Shane lechler is one of the best in the league. I should know, I've seen him average 28 punts a game since 2002. He might get fatigued though.

Coach: Al Davis - F Tom Cable D It's really not fair to grade Cable since he'll probably be fired by the time somebody reads this but he doesn't strike me a master schemer anyway. I suppose if the old line coach could get some of the players to actually try that might be worth something but we have to hold judgment on that. As always the team has no discipline, if Al Davis has his way, they still won't.

BEST CASE SCENAIO: In a shitty division? 7-9, 2nd in the WEST
WORST CASE SCENARIO: 0-16, Last in the WEST, JaMarcus Russell turns into C.C. Sabathia, Tom Cable resigns to become a waterboy for the Golden State Warriors and Al Davis pays a drifter to shank Marcus Allen. You know it could happen.