Andy Dick Is Available

Sweet Jesus I've now seen two independent reports about an upcoming Valerie Plame movie, wondering who will play the fraud, er, outed CIA agent.

Is the world fully gone insane? Even when the truth of that sordid situation came out did it not matter at all? I guess not, so let's recap some important facts.

#1 - Plame Wasn't A Classified Agent
Plame had been back in the US doing normal agency work. She wasn't in deep cover, nothing was blown, she wasn't put in any danger regarding her career or life. Most people in the media seemed to know she was in the CIA anyway. You can't be outed if your not in any kind of hiding.

#2 - Joe Wilson Is A Liar
Plame and Wilson claim they were outed as punishment for Wilson's report questioning the intel on Iraq trying to buy uranium from Niger. This is only partly true. Wilson went on the mission but never actually did any work. By his own recollection he spent most of his time drinking tea and bullshitting in local cafes. Some of what was in the report actually supported Bush's claims, the rest was just pap.

#3 - There Was No Conspiracy
This is the real reason the movie shouldn't be made. There simply wasn't any attempt to do Plame any harm. Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Scooter Libby, etc. had nothing to do with the situation at all. Plame's name and job made its way into the media because Richard Armitage is a big talking DC operative. He admitted it! He told Special Prosecutor Fitzgerald that it was him at the very beginning of the investigation, Fitz just kept going in case he could get anyone to forget what they said in an e-mail two years prior and misstate it on record. Scooter Libby fell into that trap and was thrown to the wolves. There is no story here. An out of service CIA agent's name was blabbed at a cocktail party by a notorious gabber. The only remarkable thing is that the agent happened to be a media whoring left winger who was married to another media whoring media member and they both wanted to get famous and screw over Bush. End of story. No victims.

MY SUGGESTION
Get the producers of Who's Nailin Palin back together to shoot this baby like it deserves. The plot could essentially be the same as what actually happened (not the NY Times fantasy) and cast a remarkably ghoulish looking Jenna Jameson as Plame. A little Ron Jeremy as Joe Wilson, Peter North as Scooter Libby and it essentially shoots itself, no pun intended. You could call it Deep Cover Blown, or EXXXPOSED! something schlocky like that. It may not have the je nais se quoi of a Streisand Hollywood flop but it would be more reflective of what the real motivations of the characters are. After all, whether you do it for money, fame, power or the fun of it, whoring is still whoring and we should treat all involved with the same amount of dignity.

Ok, maybe less for Plame. This is why Hollywood sucks. Here's a trailer for a movie that actually looks good.

Have We Learned Kiddies?

It was announced today that the last combat brigade has left Iraq, leaving appx. 56,000 non-combat soldiers behind. This announcement startled me a bit not because the decision is so atrocious but because you don't really hear anything about Iraq in the news anymore as Afghanistan is getting worse and worse by the day.

This is a curious development and devastating to liberals.

Afghanistan was the good war. It was approved by the UN and it became a joint NATO operation. It had all the telltale signs of a liberal wet dream. A community of nations coming together in agreement and harmony to vanquish a common enemy.

Iraq was the savage war of choice, unilaterally spearheaded by cowboys in DC and London and looked down upon by most of the world.

Which one has been going better? If liberal world view ideology was correct, Afghanistan should be a Utopian example of what can be accomplished through a little peace, love and understanding. The only problem is that Afghanistan is sliding back into a hell hole because the liberal world view doesn't exist. The initial part of the war went well because the United States is so good at destroying the enemy. The UN and NATO were more than happy to step aside while we kicked ass and we were happy to do so. However, when the time came for the real work, the political and societal rebuilding combined with security, they pretty much took a pass there too. With the exception of the Brits, who have been solid of course. The rest though didn't want to fight, they didn't want to provide security, they didn't want to pay for anything. They wanted the US to act unilaterally only with there approval and under the umbrella of the idiotic NATO/UN rules of engagement which are designed to lose wars.

There were no such illusions in Iraq. That was the killing war, the Shock and Awe war. Now don't get me wrong, the aftermath of combat operations didn't go well and the insurgency that followed was a horribly bloody affair. The difference was that the Iraq war didn't have to follow the intergovernmental, bureaucratic nonsense that they did in Afghanistan. While the UN and NATO happily sat on their ass and watched Afghanistan crumble, the US/UK coalition in Iraq made the tough choice to increase troop levels and increase violence to end the insurgent threat. No meetings or UN resolutions but more bloodshed. That's what stabilized Iraq.

If Rwanda, Darfur, Bosnia, Somalia haven't taught the lesson, let Afghanistan do it. Intergovernmental agencies like the UN and NATO don't exist to get anything done. They exist to give all the nations of the world cover for doing nothing. It's an excuse to let bad things happen while world leaders talk endlessly about international law (which doesn't exist), treaties and the rights of mankind. It reflects most leftist programs on any level as they only give the appearance of compassion without the trouble of actually having to do anything.

I applaud what the coalition has been able to do in Iraq but it troubles me what is going on in Afghanistan. It would be far better to pull out of there now if it's only going to be fought on NATO terms. If the soldiers there aren't allowed to aggressively kill the enemy, they are simply providing life sized target practice for Taliban fighters which is an unacceptable situation to simply allow to exist in a war zone limbo. Let them do what they were trained to do or get the hell out of there and get ready for the next war, which will surely come after this particular display of weakness.

Gee Thanks

GM announced today that they will go public soon, selling shares of their company to the public to help pay off the bailout money they received.

I wonder what kind of a gall it takes to sell someone a lie so publicly.

Last I heard, and saw on many commercials, was that GM had already paid back all the money, plus interest, ahead of schedule. We always knew that was complete BS but at least GM now admits it. That is hardly the most offensive aspect of the stock offering though.

The original bailout came from the taxpayers. Now, GM wants to sell stock to the same taxpayers in effort to pay off the original bill. "Congratulations! You now have the opportunity to finance your own swindling. In a related sale, can I interest you in an affordable grave? You have to dig it yourself but at least it's yours."

Essentially, the government extorted money from the people to bailout GM. Now, GM is going to swindle the people to give money back to the government, which will never give it back to the public. Final score, Taxpayers pay twice, GM gets paid twice, the Government collects money into eternity.

This is very reminiscent of the scene in Traffic where the couple in Mexico has their car stolen, then the police give them the number of the guy who has it so they can buy it back. The only difference is that in that deal the couple would get the car back if they paid. The American taxpayer just gets to keep paying and never gets the car back; unless they happen to be in the United Auto Workers Union.

Can I recommend a Ford to anyone who'll listen?

Testicular Gulag

During a recent vacation, I came to the realization that the biggest enemy to my groin isn't my kids accuracy throwing baseballs or a swelling prostate but rather the animals at Old Navy and Levi.

First the Old Navy. Apparently at some point I bought some swim gear from there, promptly threw it in a drawer and never thought about it again. Fast forward to me in beautiful Chatfield State Park wondering why exactly this particular suit had two drawstrings on the same side of the suit and roughly 7 inches of Velcro where the fly would go. The drawstrings I got, they looped thru two rings on the other side. Stupid, yes. Evil, no. But the Velcro? Who really thought a piece of clothing meant to be worn over a mans pubic region, without boxers/underwear, should include Velcro? Unless the whole manscaping phenomenon has reached ridiculous levels and all men are now shaved like Brazilian trannys, I'm gonna go ahead and say Velcro plus hair equals intentionally mean spirited. Bomb squad technicians would have been impressed with the level of care I used securing that particular garment.

You might think that is the dumbest thing a clothing line could do to clothes in that area of the body. I sure did.

Until I was duped by some Nazi seamstress into purchasing a pair of button fly jeans.

Are you kidding me? How devious a plot is this! It seems safer than a zipper, having removed those unforgiving metal teeth, and once the pants are on they look just the same. So what's the problem? Functionality. Clearly the savage who patterned these was a man hating psycho or was just a guy who had never drunk anything in his life. Really, it can sometimes take a couple of beats to undue just one of those buttons. Try drinking a six pack, having your fine motor skills slightly impaired, then rush to the restroom to relieve yourself. No superior speed of the zipper, you now have 6 (6!) of these stupid eyelets to maneuver. Any good drunk will tell you, that kind of time may simply be torturous, if it's available at all.

Maybe these fashion styles work well on the waxed, anorexic models these jean companies use. Unfortunately, once most guys hit 30, the middle goes soft, gets a little wider and the shaving becomes nil. I'm not saying that to be ensnared in these traps is the same as being waterboarded, I'm saying it's worse. Terrorists at Guantanamo Bay didn't have to pay for the privilege to be waterboarded, I myself am out probably $70 for the honor of worrying nonstop about the condition of my junk.

I'm just gonna get one of those Muslim robes and call it a day.

Lies, Liars and Leftists

LIES: The City of Denver, Leftist Pundits Everywhere
Here we are in beautiful Colorado Springs and the calendar has finally turned to August and we can see the summer impact of our collective decision not to raise taxes during the recession. As near as I can tell, crime is still low, the parks are still green and water/electricity continues to flow uninterrupted. In fact our budget and crime rate are far better than our friends to the north in Denver, who pointed us out as an example of right wing populism run amok, condemning us to a future of overflowing trash, lawless society and dead foliage everywhere. No offense to friends and family in the Mile High State but all elected officials in the capitol city can suck it. We have weathered the recession so far at least as well and probably better than you have while letting our citizens keep their money instead of throwing it down the drain of the nanny state. This alone should keep Denver's mayor/would be Governor from being elected in November but apparently the fake Conservative/real delusional grandstander Tom Tancredo is determined to not let Hick's complete ideological failures keep him from being elected. Last poll I saw had Hick around 43% with McInnis, Maes and Hickenlooper splitting the rest. Gee if Hick can only get 43% it seems either Republican would still be strong in November, scandals and all. Thanks to Tom though, there is no shot. Hopefully he realizes his insanity and drops out. I doubt it though.

LIARS: The Founding Fathers
It seems the State of California no longer gets to vote on anything any more. In recent years, voters have attempted to control the State government by passing Propositions to solve the issues of gay marriage, illegal immigration, welfare programs, etc. just to see them all overturned by activist judges at the District court level and the politburo-esque Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals. The result? California is the most screwed up state in the country. Say what you want about Michigan but they have nothing to tap into to save their State, economy wise. California has agriculture, Hollywood and technology. They should be rolling in dough yet incompetent elected officials, dominated by leftists, and activist judges have thwarted any attempt by the suffering people to help their plight. Gay marriage is just the latest example of judicial tyranny. There is no right to limitless freedom of marriage in the Constitution. Separate but equal was referring to equality of State provided utilities, resources and legal standing. Marriage dos not deal with any of those things and is not an institution created by any government. It is a social institution that has existed since the beginning of time. The judiciary and the State don't get to overrule the people on this one.

LEFTISTS: Congress, White House spokesdouche Robert Gibbs
Let's see what Congress has been up to. Elena Kagen, who has exactly six more cases tried than I do, has been put on the Supreme Court, a 26 billion dollar State bailout is going to be passed, rumor has it that Obama is going to circumvent the legal process and order FANNIE MAE/FREDDIE MAC to simply forgive mortgage principle on mortgages that are underwater, the tax cuts will expire as planned raising taxes on everybody who pays them and Robert Gibbs calls Missouri's overwhelming rejection of ObamaCare at the polls (70%-30%) meaningless. So what exactly do average hard working Americans get out of this deal? Our mortgages cut? Nope. Better, cheaper healthcare? Nope. A voice in the process? Nope. Basic respect from elected officials? Nope. The bill for all this socialist redistribution of wealth? Absolutely. The only silver lining to all this is that it is being done so quickly only because leftists know the electoral apocalypse that will happen in November. The only question is how bad will it be by then and will Republicans have any tools left at their disposal to fix these problems? Considering the Social Security now officially pays out more than it collects, 6 years ahead of schedule, the prospects seem grim indeed. Republicans need to win big in the next three election cycles to have the time and caucus firepower to get things straightened out.

Prep the Silkwood Shower!

I'm going to thoroughly disgust myself and defend Brett Favre from the media onslaught he's currently facing.

In the wake of any number of reports saying that Favre called it quits because of the bum ankle, there have been many talking head types either taking shots at Favre for being selfish or making fun of his flip flopping ways.

My questions is; how exactly did Brett Favre do anything wrong this time? He didn't hold a press conference, do an interview or send a fax to ESPN. As far as I can tell ESPN got word of some unsubstantiated e-mail and just went crazy with it. This after spiking a completely factual story about LeBron James because a reporter didn't appropriately identify himself. Whatever that means.

The entire sports media got bit by it's own snake on this one by jumping the gun big time. The only actual statement from Favre? "If my ankle feels ok I'll play." What a revelation! I hope Skip Bayless didn't explode with righteous indignation before that got cleared up.
. . . .


Speaking of unsubstantiated rumors, can I interest you in one where Favre texted pictures of his hog to a former college football pinup/current sideline pinup? Isn't that better than his crappy retirement speculation?

Jefferson Lives!

Lady Gaga weighed in on the Arizona law at a concert recently, vowing to hold all Arizonans and to screech louder. Or something like that, who the hell knows.

While I find it laudable that Gag's would take a break from finding new and innovative ways to hide her screaming lack of talent and homely appearance, her yammerings are more uninformed than most.

The attorney general of Virginia ruled today that the state's police officers should feel free to try and determine the immigration status of detained individuals and act accordingly. Combine that with Arizona and Rhode Island, who also has local police enforce immigration laws, and it seems the tide of state opinion is decidedly against the ambulance chasing US AG Holder.

Not that public opinion matters to Obama but if State keep employing the same laws, eventually the situation will come to a head. I certainly hope so. I enjoy watching a little chaos inflicted on big brother by all the little brothers. Besides, we can't have a society where Gaga is studying and pontificating on the finer points of the federalist system instead of shrink wrapping her head in condoms while wearing the Popes robes.

If we lose that, then the terrorists have already won.