Many times, in movies and other forms of pop culture, the logic and motivations of humans is a complex riddle that needs to be unraveled over an exhaustive period of investigation and reflection. In reality, people are basically simple creatures and we all respond to basically the same stimuli and we organize our society as such.
Then we see how the legal system of this great nation deals with crimes and our minds are totally blown.
Lets examine the cases of four NFL players, so we can compare apples to apples, with no regard for racial or economic differences. In other words, all four are rich black guys so we don't have to worry about accusations of racial profiling and the star treatment.
CASE #1 - Leonard Little vs. Ron Mexico aka Michael Vick
In 1998 Little got piss drunk, twice the legal limit, got behind the wheel of car and promptly killed somebody. He was sentenced to a massive 90 days(!) in the pokey and a few years probation. Amazingly, in 2004 he was arrested again on suspicion of DUI and speeding. He beat the DUI and avoided more jail time but was convicted of speeding. Apparently, despite killing somebody with his car, he had his license again by 2004. Either way, 2 very reckless incidents, evidence of a drinking problem and one corpse equal 90 days in jail.
Mike Vick, on the other hand, got busted for financing an interstate dog fighting operation and personally killing some dogs in particularly cruels ways. He got 23 months in a serious federal prison (3 months off for good behavior), probation, is nearly bankrupt and will have a hard time getting back in the NFL.
Now, Mike Vick is despicable for what he did but the law came down on him in a big way and essentially hit the reset button on his life; Little got drunk and KILLED SOMEBODY and only served 90 days! Unbelievable.
Surely this discrepancy was the result of some loophole that had to be closed right? Well, lets see.
CASE #2 - Plaxico Burress vs. Donte Stallworth
Burress hasn't gone to trial yet but the facts of the case aren't an issue. He brought a handgun to a club in New York City and promptly shot himself. He's facing years in jail and a lengthy suspension by the NFL.
It's like the time Brett Favre threw a pass to himself except for in this case the ball was a bullet.
Stallworth, following in Little's footsteps, went to Miami, got loaded, hopped in his car and proceeded to mow somebody down.
He got 30 days in jail, paid a undisclosed chunk of cash to the family and will almost surely get suspended from the NFL.
It's beyond the scope of comprehension that the penalty for getting drunk and killing somebody has actually been reduced from a paltry 90 days to an insulting 30 days.
How must Plaxico feel? He's staring down a few years in Attica for basically being an idiot. He'll be the only person in the slammer who was both the perpetrator and the victim of an assault with a handgun.
If we were to summarize this disconcerting paradox, it would be on one side: 2 corpses and 2 DUI's equal 120 days in jail and on the other: some dead dogs, a self-inflicted gunshot wound and some tax problems equals 3 to 5 years in jail.
What exactly are we to make of this as a society? Glad you asked.
1) if you're a potential criminal, steer clear of the Atlantic coast. NY and VA laid down the hammer, MO and OH, zipped up the body bags and gave a quick "move along, nothing to see here."
2) If you're going to shoot a gun, you're no better off shooting yourself. You might as well find someone you don't like and accidentally shoot them in thigh.
3) Get drunk before you do anything. Apparently a drunken defense is the legal equivalent of an Etch-a-Sketch. Give it a shake and all that crap disappears.
4) Car is to accident as gun is to assault
5) For God's sake, leave the animals alone!
At least now we know. Humans deaths are less offensive than a dogs and actual manslaughter is more heinous than the potential danger to others that comes with shooting yourself in leg.
It should be interesting to see how much further from sane we can get over the next few years.
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