Wow, what a low scoring, semi-crappy opening weekend.
AFC EAST: Tough to tell if the Pats D is that good or if Carson Palmer is just toast but at this point the Bills, Fins and jets should be very afraid. NE scored 38 and the rest of the division managed 34. Monday night's game showed why the Jets were a very lucky 9-7 last year.
AFC SOUTH: Hey, the Texans won a game against the Colts, meaningful even for week one. Division could be the best in football if Texans, Colts and Titans (continuing last years strong finish) don't get hit with injuries. Jacksonville still sucks but high marks for not letting Tebow show them up in his hometown.
AFC NORTH: Ravens went to Revis Island and came away with a win, so Rex Ryan should be on full blast this week. Pitt and Cinci have no juice on offense and Cleveland is being Delhommed already. Mangini leads the pack for coaches who could be fired first.
AFC WEST: Jason Campbell is a serious upgrade over The Fat Dranker but Mario Henderson seems to want him to die, there's no other explanation for that showing. Nice to see D-Mac show up. Broncos look pass happy on O, crappy on D. The Chiefs look really feisty against the Chargers, up 14-7 as we speak. I guess losing your best linebacker, left tackle and wide receiver hurt a team.
NFC EAST:All these teams looked varying degrees of crappy except the Giants who played Carolina so the jury's still out. No way Andy Reid trades Donovan McNabb to play Kolb, then benches him after one bad quarter and a concussion. Why do we think Dallas is a Super Bowl contender again? Alex Barron wins the Mario Henderson Award of Crap for this week.
NFC SOUTH: Saints looked pretty good in the rematch. That running game must make the weak division cringe. Atlanta and Tampa Bay were pathetic on offense while Carolina was just pathetic. When you have to choose between Matt Moore or Jimmy Clausen are you rebuilding or do you just suck?
NFC NORTH: Chicago and Detroit solidified their season long battle for 3 & 4.I know the Bears won but they looked like crap while the Lions seemed to be hungry. Green Bay has got a lot going on but you've gotta worry about Aaron Rodgers. He was under fire all night from a pretty mediocre Eagles D. Favre looked pretty good with the Vikes but those receivers just suck. I know Favre hasn't had much time to work on his timing with them but it doesn't matter if they're not open. Berrian looked older than Favre.
NFC WEST: Sweet Jesus what an awful division. Suprise of the week was the Seahawks hanging a flaming tire around the 49ers but every single team looked just awful. I guess the week highlights would be the Seahawks and Sam Bradford because they offer a glimmer of hope for the future. Alex Smith is just stealing money at this point. Wonder what the Niners would look like with McNabb under center.
GAMBLING: I'm currently 8-6 in my Pigskin Pick'em Group (ESPN's Sports Guy's group) and my Chiefs +5.5 pick looks good as they are currently up 21-7.
I swear it's hard to properly quantify how much I hate white people sometimes. It's like the dumbest of the dumb decide that they are going to step into the politically correct arena, pick ideological sides and have themselves a good old fashioned tard off. This weeks matchup pits the City Council of Honkeyville (Hartford, CT) vs. Who Gives A Shit, FL.
HARTFORD, CT Apparently the Hartford City Council (HCC) decided to start opening every session in September with a Muslim prayer to show solidarity with Muslims everywhere in the face of "islamophobia" regarding the Ground Zero Mosque. First of all, nice job HCC to find a position that 70% of the people approve and go against it. Good election strategy. Second, who exactly do you think gives a crap about your meaningless gesture? Do you think Bin Laden got out his list of Important American Cities To Bomb, scrolled to number 1,106 and crossed you guys off? You know your standing side by side with a guy who supports Hamas right? I'm sure you guys will get a gold star in the White Guilt Olympics next time you and the rest of the leftists in the northeast have your semi-annual blame-in. In the meantime, sensible people everywhere else will just shake their heads at your stupidity and realize that we can't expect any better from a city that throws its full passion behind women's college basketball. Disgraceful. (see what you did Bettman? Fear the Whale!)
WHO GIVES A SHIT, FL To bad the knee jerk liberalism in Connecticut couldn't go unbalanced. Now we've got some pastor in Florida (of course) trying to organize Koran burnings every 9/11. Awesome. Where to begin. This display will only serve to make whatever moderate Muslims there are out there keep quiet when faced with the arguments of their jihadist brothers. This won't have much impact on the jihadist movement since they think we burn them all day anyway. What Pastor I Hate Hadji doesn't realize is that this demonstration is just going to make Muslims richer by sending sales of the Koran through the roof! Now, I don't know who prints those things but if buying gasoline supports terrorism then causing a Koran shopping spree might as well. After all, there has to be at least one printing press owned by terrorist friendly organization (besides the New York Times), what if they get the contract to do additional runs of the book? One more IED in Kandahar, that's what. Lastly, do you really need to keep perpetuating this stereotype of Southerners? Wouldn't you rather be seen as laid back gentlemen and belles, sipping sweet tea on the porch? Why are you trying to make Neil Young's Southern Man relevant for the next generation?
WHO'S THE DUMBEST? It can be hard to distinguish between the two types of stupid we got going on here. The Liberal White Guilt, Knee Jerker and the Intolerant Southern hate monger. The book burners inadvertently lost this competition however, with their own hatred. A while back, these supposed islamophobes also tried to start a campaign to burn all non King James bibles because they weren't properly Christian. Hmm. Burning Korans and Bibles side by side. Know what that makes you friends? Diverse! Equal Opportunity! I'm afraid this egalitarian view of book burning shows a sophistication not shown by the disgustingly weak actions by the HCC, who have made themselves look worse by "possibly reconsidering" their decision to have Islamic prayers before meetings.
CONGRATULATIONS CITY COUNCIL OF HARTFORD, CT! YOU HAVE WON THIS WEEKS TARD OFF! PLEASE COLLECT YOUR COMPLIMENTARY MOUNTAIN DEW AND KE$HA CD'S IN THE OFFICE WITH THE PADDED CORNERS. BUS TOKENS AVAILABLE.
8. The Hudsucker Proxy - C+ - This movie revolves entirely around two odd plot conventions, the God from the Machine and the Magic Negro. Conveniently enough, they actually combine both of these conventions into one character (the clock master, blech) saving the audience the time of having to forget two separate people. Now don't get me wrong, the movie is funny. Tim Robbins, pre-Sarandon stick up his ass, is quite funny as the imbecile and Paul Newman does devious board member better than anyone. Many of the bit players are recognizable Coen brothers favorites and do good work. Three scenes just ruin it though. First, about 45 minutes in, the female lead essentially stops the movie and recaps the entire plot up to that point for the crowd. She might as well have been writing the script. Second, the God in the Negro character appears and explains to the audience how he controls the clock and everything the clock controls. The scene serves no purpose other than to green light problem scene 3 where Tim Robbins falls off the roof and is the suspended in mid-air just a few feet from the ground because the Negro God in the Magic Clocktower put a mop handle in the gears. I swear the Magic Negro is always a caddie or a janitor. Maybe the NAACP can look into that. Anyway, Robbins was saved only so that scene 3 could continue with the appearance of an angel who explains the entire plot of the movie up until that point, then reveals a letter that renders the entire film up until that point completely pointless. 10 more minutes of a sappy ending and voila! Done.
9. Barton Fink - B- - I found myself oddly entertained by this movie which is surprising considering it didn't have a discernible point. Struggling screen writer clashes heads with studio execs, producers and satanish mass murders? Interesting? Yes. Entertaining? Yes. Meaningful? Nope. It's possible that the whole movie was a critique of the movie making process (an accurate one no doubt) but even if that's the case it's still unfulfilled. I don't care about the struggles of screen writers, I don't care how the sausage is made I just want the sandwich, understand? That John Goodman is a damn fine actor though.
10. Miller's Crossing - A - This movie is awesome. It always amazes when someone makes a Road to Perdition (solid movie) or Gangs of New York (P.O.S.) and all the movie reviewers talk about it being the pinnacle if Irish gangster movies As an Irish guy I can confidently say "We already have one!!" Not only is it a good Irish mob movie, it manages to include Jewish underworld figures as well, although the anti-Defamation league can't be happy about all the use of the slur sheeny. While there are a number of good performances, the best belongs to Gabriel Byrne. Anybody who has been poisoned off Byrne by the god awful "In Treatment" or "Madigan Men" should be forced to watch this movie Clockwork Orange style.
11. Raising Arizona - D+ - Clearly I missed the boat on this one. People talk about this movie like it's some kind of timeless comedic classic but I ask anyone who watches it for the first time today, where's the laughs? The big problem is that it was made in the culturally defrauded 80's, 1987 to be exact. Hard to believe it was made when Reagan still had some good time left in his second term. I'm sure in an era where Moonstruck, Ironweed and Throw Momma From the Train were all gathering Oscar nods (seriously, Anne Ramsey nominated for Throw Momma), Raising Arizona might have seemed edgy and hysterical. Much like the Cold War though, that time is gone and were all better off for it. The ungodly accents also rear their ugly heads, luckily to be counterbalanced by a better than you think Nic Cage, with his original hair.
12. Blood Simple - A - This is a great movie that somehow survived being made in the 80's. I had never heard of it until Netflix recommended it to me but it's easily one of the darkest and least appreciated pics in the set. One of the great things about it is how quite the movie is One of my frequent complaints is that the characters spend too much time yammering away to properly set the mood. Not so here, the silence sets the mood and the movie paces along quite nicely. I was never bored and never checked my watch. Good signs.
13. No Country for Old Men - A+ - After repeat viewings, this movie deserved to win the Oscar for best picture. It's just really good. Surprisingly, it is actually better than the book it was based on. Cormac McCarthy's book is almost exactly the same but it reads a little dry while the movie is compelling the whole way through. All you people complaining about not seeing Brolin's death or the whereabouts of the money, get over and use your mind a little.
14. Burn After Reading - B - I just don't understand the hate this movie gets (Ragu). Since when did a trainer blackmailing a CIA agent for a new rack while dating a Treasury officer whose building a manic looking sex chair while screwing the CIA agent's wife on the side get to low brow for America? I didn't realize the movie going public was turning up their collective nose for anything less than The Crying Game or The Pianist. You elitests sicken me. You go watch Eat Pray Love and pretend it's meaningful and I'll go laugh my ass off at George Clooney's highly affordable relaxation device.
***BONUS REVIEW*** A Serious Man - D- - This movie is many things; a examination of Jewish culture and religious tradition, a retelling of the Book of Job, a metaphysical journey into life and karma. One thing it most certainly is not though is funny. I've seen it described as a dark comedy but there is no comedy, it's all black. I realize that the marketing campaign isn't the fault of the filmmakers but this things is comically misrepresented. I felt like choking myself to death with a yarmulke when it was over. I understand making a movie as way of furthering an idea or concept put forth in other media but at the end of the film I should think that I would somehow have greater insight into the meaning of Job instead of feeling a bit like Job himself and hoping that the mighty wind would knock down the theater instead of poor Larry Gopnik house.
New polls means it's time to look at November's matchups.
CO - 1, 2, 5,6: The incumbents all roll. (D-DeGette, D-Polis, R-Lamborn, R-Coffman)
CO -3: A poll commissioned by Republican challenger Scott Tipton showed him with a 4 point lead over incumbent John Salazar. I realize this is a poll commissioned by Tipton but I'm still surprised at the result. He got thrashed by Salazar in 2006 and most people thought it was a shoe in again. I'll feel more comfortable if I see some independent polling on it but my eyes are now open to the possibility of a Tipton win. Cook Political has had this race as lean Dem for a while now but I could never figure out why, I though Salazar was well liked. Mistakenly I guess. One thing about the poll is that it showed low support for both candidates (43-39, I believe). If Salazar is really only pulling 39% being as well known as he is, he's in big trouble.
CO - 4: Incumbent Betsy Markey seems to be doing her best to hide from everyone in hopes that people will forget shes a Pelosi clone. Recent clips show her trying to flip flop on big ticket issues to please whoever shes talking too. Cory Gardner hasn't exactly been lighting it up but given the state mood polls, he should still be the favorite.
CO - 7: Magellan Strategies released a poll showing incumbent D-Ed Perlmutter trailing Ryan Frazier 40-39. More low numbers for both guys is better for Frazier as he is a former City Councilman with low name recognition while Perlmutter is well known. Perlmutter's strategy of stockpiling a billion dollar war chest and not doing anything in public seems to not be working. I guess the good people in CO-7 are looking for some answers about the state of the country and Perlmutter has been so off the map he makes Markey look like a leftist Sarah Palin barnstorming the country.
GOV: A new Rasmussen poll shows Hickenlooper leading tea party candidate Dan Maes by only 8, 41-33 with spoiled baby spoiler Tom Tancredo stealing 16 percent. A two way race between Hick and Maes is tied at 45. Maes seems to have the big mo but if Tancredo stays in the race, he can't win. It's amazing he's got within 8 and it shows how vulnerable Hick is. Hick spent this last week pissing off almost everybody by backtracking on liberal talking points while saying taxes are as low as they can go. Democrat enthusiasm is already low, Hick can't afford to depress them even further by distancing himself from traditional left wing positions on taxes, energy and the environment.
SEN - Ken Buck is up by 6-9 depending on the poll and is clearly in front as Bennett seems to be drawing the ire of liberals for saying the trillion dollar stimulus hasn't shown any results. Hard to see how a zero like Bennett can reverse the trend here.
Republicans have a realistic show of carrying 5 of 7 Congressional seats (1&2 are lost) and the Senate seat. If Tancredo comes to his senses and drops out, Maes becomes a contender as well. Colorado GOP has a history of blowing momentum so it's way too early to be confident but the candidates seem way more competent than the state party so everything looking good. November can't get here fast enough.
As I watch the the talking heads on ESPN dissect the Pats/Rams preseason tune-up, I waited and waited for the glaring story from the game.
We got roughly 74 hours worth of Tom Brady to Randy Moss analysis sprinkled with a healthy dose of Rob Gronkowski. Clearly the Pats put on a scoring display.
I guess I was the only one who noticed that every time NE scored they were still losing.
This is the 3rd preseason game where the starters and seconds play well into the second half. The Ram starters, minus Donnie Avery and with rookie Bradford, went into the half up 20-14 and went up 27-14 in the third before winning 36-35. Hell, the Pats even got a special teams TD and never went on top.
I've seen nothing that leads me to believe that NE is any different than last years frauds. Will the offense be good? Sure, except it won't have a running game and Brady is going to take a lotta hits. As we saw last year, you can't just outscore everyone playing in Foxboro, Buffalo and New York all year. You need a stout D and at least a little ability to play ball control. Right now they can't do either and the Rams spanked em.
If Tom Brady feathers his hair anymore he's going to look like the post op tranny version of Farah Fawcett circa 1970. That doesn't have anything to do with football, I just don't like the guy. He was annoying at the beginning of his career with all that aw schucks/Belichek robot talk, then he was tolerable during the Bridget Moynihan Era and now he's just plain insufferable.
The Pats aren't going to be that great this year either. The average O-line already has injuries blocking for the Fred Taylor, Lawrence Maroney, Ben Jarvis Green Ellis, Sammy Morris pu pu platter. Yikes. Randy Moss is in a contract year, whatever that means, Wes Welker may or may not be back from his knee obliteration and you've never heard of any of the other WR's. The same D that got crotch chopped by the Ravens in last years playoff is the same except now Ty Warren is out for the year. Can anybody explain how these Pats are any better than the team that got blown out by Baltimore? Nope.
Oh you rascally Jets. It's hard not to like a fat blowhard like Rex Ryan. His team generally looks solid but there are significant red flags. First is at QB. Lost in all the Sanchize panty dropping was the fact that he threw 20 INTs last year and if the Colts and Bengals aren't mailing it in at the end of the year, the Jets don't even make the playoffs. Shonn Greene should be fine but the Curse of LT is scary as is the prospect of relying on Braylon Edwards and Santonio Holmes at WR. The defense should be fine because I expect Revis Island to be open for business on week one but if he's not, look out. Those other DB's suck and the aggressiveness of the D only works if Revis has locked down half the field. I would expect the Jets to take the division though.
I'm not sure what to make of the Henne love in Miami. I understand that they're high on Brandon Marshall but the Fins are a running team and the bulk of the work is going to come from Brown and Williams if they can stay healthy. The real addition was Karlos Dansby on D. You take him and a couple of stout rookies on the DL and you might just have a playmaking D to go with the ball control offense. Worry about the secondary though. Thank god 2 of the 3 QB's in this Division can't throw.
Has Buffalo moved to Toronto yet?
Really? They haven't? Hmmm. Wonder why not. Maybe it's because the Leaf doesn't want any part of the worst team in the league. No QB, 2 of 3 RB's on the shelf, no WR's (Lee Evans is a glorified #2 and you know it), less than no OL, No D, No ST. This team is a decade away from contending. Bad drafts, no free agents, lack of foresight. Think Oakland right after the Super Bowl loss.
PROJECT FINISH: NY JETS MIAMI NEW ENGLAND BUFFALO.
FANTASY KRYPTONITE - Tom Brady. I've seen him go in both round 1 and 2 in recent drafts. No way he should go this high. People only remember the 50 TD year. think half that and your good to go. Take M. Turner or S. Greene in round two and target Romo in 4 or Favre (6) or Kolb (8-10).
FANTASY SLEEPER - Greg Caramillo. In a PPR league he will play Henne's Welker option. Lots of catches, not huge yards, close to Marshall in production but you can get him 8 rounds later.
It's been positively giddy in Raiderland these days. Jason Campbell actually looks like a professional quarterback, the defense has been feisty with Rolando McClain and Kamerion Wimbly added to the mix. Hell, we've even heard that DHB is finally blooming into something resembling a pro WR.
The only problem is, when it comes to DHB, we haven't seen it. Quite frankly, aside from seeing him drop a pass in the first preseason game, I haven't seen him at all. This is concerning. I've read on some websites that he's suffering from "fatigue" and that's why he hasn't been playing. If this were the 80's I'd be convinced he was doing massive amounts of coke. Since it's not, I can only assume that he still sucks or is hurt. Either way, I'm calling shenanigans on this one.
Come to think of it, you could say the same thing for Darren McFadden and Chaz Scheilens as well. D-Mac was supposed to finally be ready to stop being a injury prone fumble machine and get sick with Bush in the backfield. Chaz was supposed to be back from that foot injury and ready to be the No. 1 guy. As near as I can tell, these guys have the same amount of snaps I do.
I think they could live without D-Mac. Bush and Cartwright should be good enough and only having one back might actually make Cable give the bulk to Bush. I think Chaz is tougher to replace though. Lou Murphy is fine but Johnny Lee Higgens, Kevin Miller, Jacoby Ford, et al. are scary indeed.
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