Where Were You?

Where were you when The Resurrection happened?

Where were you when a once great but broken man, rose from the fiery ashes, stormed onto the hallowed ground that had once been his kingdom? Where were you when he steeled his gaze, gripped his armaments and laid waste to all those opposed. Where were you when a man, ne God looked out upon the battlefield and brought down fury from the heavens, destroying all those who had opposed him before riding off in a golden chariot pulled by winged horses made of pure fire and awesomeness!?

Where were you when that same guy got the yips, choked and finished fourth behind three guys whose own mothers didn't bother to tune in? That's right, I'm sick of all the Tiger slurping going on. (note to readers - do not google "tiger slurping". carry on.)

If you were to only listen to the coverage of The Masters or read Bill Simmons ridiculous article on Tiger, you would have thought he had won or actually achieved something. Apparently golf is so pathetic that having Tiger play 3 good rounds over a tournament is cause for celebration. Apparently just having Tiger back to talk about is enough to fall to our knees and thank the almighty (Nike, I assume) that "The Gift" has returned to us all.

Nothing that happened over the weekend is going to make me forget that Tiger hasn't won anything, anything, since getting flattened by a broke knee and a river of skanks. It did prove to me that while Tiger still has the talent, he longer has the nerve. He's no longer feared either.

There was a time when as soon as Tiger came back and tied up for the lead, all the other contenders would have fallen apart. Especially the no name younguns he was in the mix with. While putting has never been Tiger's strongest suit, you could bank on him nailing the birdie or eagle that he needed, especially in a major, especially at The Masters. He had numerous chances on Sunday to drive the nail into the coffin of the field, most notably the 4 foot eagle attempt which he completely bricked. Chuck Knoblauch thinks he choked. And how great was Tiger anyway, in the pressure?

Let's check the last 7 holes of the leaderboard:

Woods - 1 birdie, 1 bogey, 5 pars (E)
Scwartzel - 4 birdies, 3 pars (-4)
Scott - 2 birdies, 5 pars (-2)
Day - 4 birdies, 3 pars (-4)
Donald - 4 birdies, 2 bogeys, 1 par (-2)
Ogilvy - 5 birdies, 2 pars (-5)
McElroy - 1 double, 1 bogey, 5 par (+3) (sorry, had to include him)

What I see here is that the supposedly "back" Tiger Woods climbed back into contention because McElroy pulled the pin on his own personal grenade, then he got outclassed. Tiger didn't even play as well as the people he was tied for fourth with, not even close. Don't people realize that this was his best course? What do we expect to happen at the far less forgiving US or British Open? -10 in Augusta is a +28 at Bethpage or St. Andrews.

All this was, was the same Tiger we've seen since the comeback. Flashes of greatness, terrible putting, no aura and an inability to play four solid rounds in a row. He can't even play one round without some horrible gaff. When Eilen hit him upside his dome all those months ago, she turned him into Phil Mickleson before all the majors when he was just Hefty out there trying to "tin cup" his way around the course.

All these media people should be ashamed at how in the bag they are for Tiger. They're further in the bag for Tiger than Chris Mathhews is for Obama. I personally have no gripe with Tiger either way I just happen to have this crazy notion that people should actually accomplish something before the get the spoils of achievement. And I expect the media to not act like a bunch of junior high boys who just noticed girls for the first time. Crazy I know. You all owe this Schwartzel guy an apology. He actually won something and people could give a crap. Be sure and get Tiger's permission first though, wouldn't want to upset the MealTicket.