How About A Staycation Instead?

As sad as it is that the poor young man from Britain was beaten to death inside a Dubai prison, my first question isn't "oh my god, what happened?"

We know what happened. The Dubai police caught themselves a pale skin, threw him in jail and beat him to death for the hell of it. This is what's referred to as "standard operating procedure" in that part of the world. The only silver lining to this murdery cloud is that if he had lived longer, he probably would've been raped as well. You know, before he was murdered. Perhaps a quick end was a merciful thing.

The real question is, why do people keep vacationing in the Middle East? It never ceases to amaze me how many westerners get arrested over there while they were hiking. Really? Couldn't find a better trail than in Syria? Do they have a nice riverwalk in Pakistan? What's the deal? I'm starting to think that maybe all the paranoid mullahs over there are right and all these people are really CIA plants trying to start revolutions. It makes more sense than poor vacation choices.

I understand that Dubai is quite nice to look at but is there anything besides that? It seems like most people like to go to beach resorts so they can have some drinks, do a little partying and hopefully mingle with some scantily clad merrymakers of the opposite sex. Why would you go to a place where all of this is illegal? The Middle East is like the bizarro Tijuana. Tijuana is a hell hole where everything is legal while Dubai is a paradise where everything fun is punishable by death.

Seems like the government dropped the ball on this one too. Every other day I get a news alert that the State department is recommending not travelling to Texas or Mexico for fear of being decapitated by a drug cartel. Has there just been a blanket middle east warning in place since 1954 that the State department has forgotten to mention in a while? What kind of shame is it for Mexico that people would rather go to sharia controlled lands than step one foot in Acapulco.

I've got an answer for everyone who has vacation money but doesn't know where to go. Here's the list, just pick whichever one is closest or cheapest for you. Brazil - sure they have some rough spots but the government knows how to keep gringos from going to astray. Stay with the sexy ladies and trannys and you'll be fine. Australia - Far away but nobody beach parties like the Aussies. You snobs can go right to New Zealand and leave everyone else alone. Finally, Italy - The President of the country regularly throws bunga bunga parties staffed by a slew of hookers and the number one aspiration for college aged girls is to be TV eye candy. Their economy is also in the toilet so they're desperate for your money. Bottom line, you can do whatever you want then head to the Vatican to look for forgiveness. You're welcome merrymakers and nature enthusiasts. Now stop going to places that have a vested interest in killing you. Knowledge is power!