Bozo Porn

After reading about how Heidi Montag is wildly happy about all her recent plastic surgery and thinks she looks better than ever, I have come to the conclusion that all these young women who are really into plastic surgery (Botox Kardashian? Really?) are suffering from acute cases of selfishness and fuzzy math.

I realize that the selfishness could be unintentional. I assume when a Heidi walks into her house for the first time post-surgery all the mirrors automatically explode. As of this posting, however, my eyes have not. I'm glad you think you look great but I think all you've managed to do is make yourself look like something Anthony Michael Hall would have made on his computer in 1985. Stop smiling Heidi, I'm not talking about the Kelly LeBrock final product, I'm talking about the clown breasted simulation they thought about making before deciding she should be able to walk.

Why do perfectly good young women act this way? Besides a certain selfishness, they are just bad at math. They look at themselves in the mirror (pre-explosion) and come to the conclusion that if guys like D's they will really like DDD's! They even have a formula for it:

(cup size x 2) cubed

sqr. root of her IQ = F***in' Awesome!

Knock it off ladies. The Almighty Hand of Providence has solved this problem for you. Guys like girls they way they develop naturally, it's just human nature. Stop trying to impersonate a woman and just start being one. I'm tired of having to explain to my daughters why the crazy clown lady looks faker than Mickey Rourke's face every time I'm trying to watch The Soup.