Run A 4.2, Win the 8th Pick!

The 2010 NFL Draft is only two days away and for real football fans that's like telling a crack head his next fix is only two days away.

Unless you're a Raiders fan, then you get to skip the wonderful rush of your chosen drug, instead you just get to be sick, get the DT's and go straight into rehab. Darrius Heyward-Bey is one man dose of NFL Anabuse. Whatever cabal of South American miscreants that runs American soccer should just run a loop of game film of DHB and Ted Ginn Jr. getting hit in the face by perfect passes to attract cross over fans. Sure, soccer sucks and is boring enough to fill the final chamber in Dr. Jack's Death Machine but at least it isn't painful and shaming.

So what can we expect from Al's War Room? Who knows. After Okung all the tackles have questionable attitudes or work ethic. Bruce Campbell is a workout star who wasn't even an honorable mention all ACC nominee so he could fit right in. Jean Paul Pierre Pierce de Bastiste Alamain from South Florida is also a physical freak who is only hampered by his complete inability to play football, so keep an eye on him as well.

Who would I choose? Here we go:

Trent Williams T - The only other OL worth the 8 pick after Okung.

Jimmy Clausen QB - I hate Notre Dame in a way that only an Irish Catholic can yet the thought of watching that fat, lazy piece of crap Jam Jam take another snap is unbearable. Hand me my rosaries so I can pray Todd McShay straight to hell.

C.J. Spiller RB - Guess what? The only reason we forget how bad McFadden has been is because DHB and Baby Huey Russell have been so bad. Michael Bush plus an actual playmaker might actually be exciting, no?

Dez Bryant WR - DHB makes James Jett look like Steve Largent covered in stickum. Lou Murphy and Chaz Schielens are fine but don't exactly awe anybody with the afterburners. Kyle Boller needs somebody to go deep to right? Right? Anybody? (head hit keyboard)

Anyway, I'm looking forward to this draft as much as a hot twenty year old looks forward to drinks with Ben Rothlisberger. I only hope that when it's over Al and the boys can at least call me a cab.

Happy V-W Day

Hard to believe its been 17 long years since the greatest military conquest of Bill Clinton's career, the stunning destruction of the Branch Davidian complex in Waco, TX.

It was a glorious day on the battlefield where the federal government, in the face of massive resistance, rolled tanks into a church to pacify the hostile natives. Once somebody got around to putting out the fires and letting the tear gas clear, 76 domestic terrorists were removed from the face of the earth including more than 20 children (future Hitlers) and 2 pregnant women (breeding future Hitlers).

And what was the great crime these religious fanatics were being burned out for? For possessing legal weapons that could be modified into illegal ones, as can all weapons, by the way. For possibly abusing children, although no evidence was ever substantiated. But mostly they were being stormed because they were a bunch of kooky religious types who had a nutty leader who managed to convince his followers that he should be nailing their wives for them.

Sounds like a weekend in Chappaquiddick but I digress.

What they really were guilty of is getting in the cross hairs of a President perceived as a weak, draft dodging lightweight. This was before Monica, Paula Jones, etc. so we can't attribute being a world class p*ssyhound/date rapist to the influences. Either way, Clinton and his top dog General Reno came into office the way normal guys go into jail; with a kick ass on the first day mindset. Instead of the jailhouse Mary, Willy found himself David Koresh; a loony who was just far enough outside the mainstream that he figured nobody would care if the charges were more trumped up than Bush's WMD claims could ever dream to be.

More appalling than the actual invasion of an American citizens home with tanks and attack helicopters was the dead silence from supposed civil liberty advocates that constantly harp on supposed civil rights violations that are mostly just politically correct nonsense. This is particularly relevant today as leftists everywhere are trying to paint the Tea Party protesters as some kind of armed militia movement. If the FBI and DEA can find the stones to whack a bunch Christian separatists living in the middle of nowhere engaged in some kind of consensual religious orgy, you think they won't go crack the skulls of 30,000 Tea Parties congregating in the vicinity of the Capitol? No way. And you can bet that the only sounds you'll hear from those ACLU types is soft laughter because if history is a guide to anything, if you're conservative, white, Christian or an individualist, they don't give a crap about you or your rights.

It should also be noted that the Clinton administrations "military success" in Waco emboldened them to take more action in Ruby Ridge and Mogadishu and it inspired such luminaries as Osama bin Laden, Tim McVeigh and the Unabomber. Good times.

For This, I Blame Cusak

One thing is now abundantly clear. Al Davis has seen Hot Tub Time Machine and thought it was some kind of campy documentary. Why else would he be trying to trade for a quarterback who turns 33 soon and will want approximately one billion dollars to sign an extension with a team that it conservatively, a decade away from contending?

A billion dollars and a second round pick!

A billion dollars, a second round pick and the best corner in the game not named Revis!

!!

So, either Al thinks he can used said recreational time machine or he thinks he can get 9 more years of Favreian play out of McNabb and hope the team can contend in that span. I'm not sure which idea is more ridiculous.

This rumor, if it comes true, does have a silver lining.

A big fat silver lining called JaMarcus Russell. if McNabb is in that means the Jam experiment is mercifully over. I love how those reports of a trim 270 (!) Russell quickly turned into a lazy 290. I guess I can be happy to watch McNabb ride out the golden years for a perennial 7-9 (hopefully) team so long as big no. 2 is gone for good.

It'd be better just to get rid of them both and keep the draft picks and money though.

Say You, Say Me? Uh, Lets Just Say Me

You bet your sweet ass I got a bracket breakdown for ya.

EAST: This division has a Wisconsin upset of Kentucky written all over it. Watch them choke the life out of the ball while Cousins and Wall go insane. Should be fun. Most intriguing game could be Texas and Wake Forest. These teams are bipolar, either one could win by 40. Most likely to advance to the final 4-West Virginia.

SOUTH: Duke really sucks. Look for them to get bounced by Louisville in round 2. Watch Purdue go out early because of injuries. This bracket gets dominated by the Big East (Louisville, Villanova, Notre Dame)

MIDWEST: Should go to a Kansas/Ohio St. matchup in the Elite 8 but Kansas smells fishy to me. Way too much hype about the Big 12 in general. If not one of those two then Georgetown, assuming Greg Monroe shows up. Lock of the Tourney-Tennessee sucks and will be lucky to win one game.

WEST: Syracuse was the first 2 seed to lose to a 15, will they be the first 1 to lose to a 16? I just puked in my mouth a bit. Kansas St. is overrated and could be out to Pitt or Xavier. If BYU makes it to a matchup against the Cuse, look out. Sharpshooting teams kill zones if they get hot.

DO NOT PUT MONEY ON IN ANY CIRCUMSTANCE: Duke, Gonzaga, Tennessee, Georgia Tech, Wake Forest, Texas.

POSSIBLE CINDERELLAS: Louisville (insert Pitino joke here), Vanderbilt, New Mexico, BYU, OSU, Notre Dame.

I Thought I Smelled A Gynecologist!

It has been an odd few days politically here in Colorado Springs. First, as I was absorbing in the freckle coated paleness that is the St. Patrick's day parade, imagine my shock when a float (what do you call a parade float that is just people walking? A gaggle?) sponsored by and promoting Andrew Romanoff came heading down the road. Yep, that Andrew Romanoff. Dysfunctional primary challenger to the anointed Mike Bennett, who was a no-show for those of you keeping track. Why in the world was Romanoff in deep red territory? I had barely heard of him even campaigning let alone trying to siphon off votes in El Paso county of all places. I think the crowd was as stunned as I was. Kudos to Republican governor hopeful Scott McInnis for having a float as well. Anybody with a "Mc" in there name running for office should always be at this parade. Nice to see he isn't taking the base for granted. Hickenlooper must have been doing something with Bennett as neither he nor any of his supporters were anywhere to be seen.

Which brings me to odd thing number two. Tonight was the Colorado caucus which gives all the grass roots, tea party types on both sides of the aisle a chance to harangue party leaders and maybe get one of their guys in. Knowing this (and staying home) how shocked was I to get a political robo-call while my political mates were busy trying to convince others that there is such a thing as a Tom Wiens.

Even more perplexing was the voice on the other end of the call: Michael Reagan, son of Ronaldus. What exactly was he polling and trying to get me to donate money to you say?

Getting a fair tax passed. (no national income tax, just a national sales tax, no IRS)

?

Where in the world did this come from? Of all the political topics that are hot right now I would never have dreamed that anybody was seriously pimping a fair tax as a hot button issue. This can only be the work of Ron Paul and his acolytes. They must be so flush with tea party money that they've decided to make a move on taxes.

While I generally support the idea, the timing is absurd. First of all, all the political operatives in the state who care about this stuff (except me) were at the caucus. Why robo-call tonight of all nights. Waste of time. Second, nobody is going to vote Republican in 2010 to pass a fair tax. It's all about healthcare and preventing a tyrannical Congress from destroying the Constitution. Let's back burner this one for a while eh guys?

Besides, all you Paul cronies should have been out there working the caucus this past week through today. They matter in Colorado and if Ken Buck or Dan Maes has even a prayer they need a good showing tonight.

It's all about resources gentlemen, when and where. If you happen to have any cash left on hand, see if you can scare up Mayor Hickenlooper and try to get him to take a stance on something for a change. Leftists shouldn't be allowd to hide until election day given the tricks they're up to these days.

Make My Day? Almost

One of my favorite laws to be passed here in Colorado Springs is in the news again. For the second year in a row, the "Make My Day" law has had an amendment before the state legislature (the "Make My Day Better" bill) that would expand the original laws coverage to businesses as well as homes.

The law is simplicity itself. If somebody breaks into your house, you get to kill them without fear of prosecution. Don't get me wrong, it isn't mandatory that you take them out but if they disturb your castle, feel free to do some wet work without the nagging fear that some ACLU lawyer is going to have you charged as a murderer for defending yourself. I think we even had a case where a homeowner shot some guy in the back as he was trying to flee the premises after robbing him. The jury's verdict? No problemo! Home invasions have gone down a tad since the law was passed.

Makes sense, especially given the volatility of downtown lately, that the same right to defend yourself would be given to business owners. Apparently it doesn't make sense to the leftist democrats in Congress who are going to kill the bill. All apologies to Pueblo's Sal Pace, the lone Dem to support the measure. All the other libs are playing the slippery slope game, essentially laying out a scenario where business owners simply lure customers to their deaths and the DA would be powerless to prosecute. I guess the brilliant minds in the capital can't find any legal language to safeguard against reckless use of firearms in public by shop keepers.

Either that or they can't risk alienating trial lawyers who have deep pockets, vote liberal and love frivolous lawsuits. After all, what is worse for lawyers than people taking care of themselves, in full compliance with the law, with no use for lawyers? Is the State legislature playing political games with your safety? Why not! If the national government can jerk around your health care than the State can see to it you need that health care after some beaked up junkie stabs you for a fix.

I can guess where Scott McInnis stands on the issue. Sure would be nice for Hickenlooper to come out of his hole and take a stand on something.

2 Birds, 1 Big Ass Stone

This week, a group of scientists came out with a study concluding that an asteroid strike is the only plausible explanation for the extinction of dinosaurs.

They also think they have found the point of impact, the Mexican town of Chicxulub located on the Yucutan peninsula, home to about 5000 people.

Not only would this explain the dinosaurs but also what is wrong with Mexico as well.

Think of the transformation in Japan after we dropped the nuke on them. They went from being an imperialistic empire that was militarily active and trying to expand its sphere of influence. With that were the traditional notions of honor and sacrifice, etc. that have been shown in every WWII movie made. After we nuked them though there was a big change. They are some of the most peaceful people on the planet yet they are clearly traumatized since they seem hell bent on cornering the market for bloodiest movies, strangest porn, neon merkins and least understandable game shows.

Seriously, if it weren't for Germany wouldn't Japan be the clubhouse leader for the "Weirdest Shit Going On" title? I think so.

If only two little nukes could do that, imagine what a force 65 billion times the power of that could do. Could it create a land that seems to have all the trappings of a successful nation state but constantly seems to be a lawless failed state? Could it explain Tijuana, Telemundo or Horchata? I think so.

At least in here in the United States we got closer to some good Tequila instead of Sake, that makes the whole ordeal worth it.