Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Stupidity Turns One

Erik Trager took the thankless task of offering the liberals view of world events to the world by penning a lamentation of the current state of the Egyptian revolution. An event that Trager claims was and still is the most inspiring thing he had ever witnessed.

Mixed in this tripe is Trager's sadness that he was apparently duped into believing that the Egyptian protesters were somehow liberal democrats just waiting for their own Society to make Great. Sprinkled in this woe-is-me tale is mild criticism of Obama and the administration for failing to have any idea of how to influence this situation in a positive manner. The administration has capitulated everywhere and is currently hoping to work some kind of deal with the Muslim Brotherhood, who themselves are trying to find legal ways to invade Israel.

The sad part of this pathetic mess is that Trager is no doubt is shocked by the events that have transpired in Egypt and everywhere else in the Arab Spring.

The problem is how liberals view revolutionaries. To the leftist all revolutionaries are freedom fighters hoping to relieve the nation of oppression by killing the tyrant and installing socialist governments. In this respect liberals are half right. These revolutions are usually in response to overthrowing a authoritarian tyrant. Mubarak was to Egypt what Fulgencio Batista was to Cuba, a monster.

The problem lies in the solution. Liberals seem incapable of believing that revolutionaries would overthrow a murderous tyrant just to replace him with a murderous tyrant. Yet this regularly happens. Batista was replaced by Castro a Guevara who were monsters in their own right and Egypt is now in the hands of a quasi-military, theocratic totalitarian regime that hates Jews.

What evidence exists in the middle east that would support a spontaneous liberal revolution? The history of that region is one of murderous thug replaced by murderous thug. The only thing that ever changes is what subsection of Islam (Sunni, Shiite, etc.) is going to be in charge of the killing. Outside of Israel the only recently changed country that has even a shred of western democracy in it is Iraq. And that is a tenuous situation at best. If the world can barely get a modernized country like Iraq to accept the slightest democracy after a decade of military presence and a trillion dollars then what hope can we have for a spontaneous coup d'etat executed by religious fanatics?

I'll never understand how liberals can convince themselves that the same people who take to the streets to riot and overthrow the state can be relied on to be good-natured in the aftermath. This is the same tragic logic that results in Laura Logan standing alone around the back of a 72 Pinto hatchback in the middle of this antisemitic, anti-American, misogynistic free for all. Did that tragedy even slow down liberals enthusiasm for the Arab Spring? Nope, full speed ahead. Light has come to the dark, Obama is freeing the Egyptians, let the post Bush world rejoice.

Now Trager has come to the sad realization that most of us knew a year ago. This is a scam. The new guys are worse than the old. People like Trager were just deluded by their own world view. They saw what they wanted to see despite all evidence to the contrary. I hope that these same people slowly coming to this conclusion on Egypt will not make the same mistake in dealing with Iran. I suspect that I'm living in my own delusion on that matter.
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Thursday, January 19, 2012

Booze, Baseball and Silkwood Showers

Sampler packs seem like a great idea. In theory.

Logically speaking if a product has many variations that you would like to try a little of before committing to a full run, then a sampler is the way to go. This has traditionally been the case with booze. Especially with beer.

This line of thinking led me straight into the jaws of the Jim Beam X-mas 4 pack.

Things started off so well. A nice airplane sized bottle of regular Jim Beam on the rocks. Delicious. Pour number two was the livelier Jim Beam Black. I'm my humble opinion, a better drink than the original.

Then it happened.

Understand that by this point that I'm in free drinking mode. Not drunk mind you, those bottles don't hold tons, but I could see a decent buzz just around the corner provided I could get the last two bottles working in me quick enough.

Bottle number 3. Red Stag. I have no idea what this is but I pour it on ice, let it chill a bit, then swigged a big mouthful of despair.

I felt like I was being waterboarded with a combination of cherry NyQuil, Mineral Ice and kerosene. It was awful. So awful I had another drink just to prove to myself that I didn't just have a stroke during the last drink. The cumulative effect was worse than the first drink alone! I seriously could not even begin to imagine what flavor was trying to be achieved here. If date rape had a flavor this was it. So after I tricked my wife into tasting this catastrophe (she wasn't pleased), I finished it off then went to examine the bottle to see just what had happened.

I should have known. Black Cherry Bourbon. Just great. It recalled the same disgusted feeling I had after taking a shot of Jack Daniels Honey Assault. I never thought I could have anything worse than that honey sludge in my mouth until the Red Stag came along. Turns out I was wrong. This Black Cherry WMD is worse than JD Honey, lengua and a weekend at Burning Man combined.

Make no mistake, I'm not against a blend per se. I quite favor the Jeremiah Weed Cherry Mash Bourbon but we've gone to far in trying to flavor booze. From Smirnoff Ice, to honey whiskey to strawberry vodka to Red Stag it just seems like booze manufacturers are solely focused on ways to make it easier for women and gay guys to get drunk. I know I'm not the only one who sees this trend happening. Otherwise, Michael Imperioli wouldn't be questioning my manhood over a shot of Tequila every third commercial during the playoffs.

Luckily, the good folks at Jim Beam closed out the sampler with the very enjoyable Devils Cut. My brain would like me to believe that going 3 for 4 in anything is admirable. Damn near a spectacular night in baseball. My heart tells me the truth though. Not all 3 for 4's are the same. Sometimes you get 3 singles and a weak pop to short. Sometime you hit a double, two homers and fly out to the track. Then sometimes you get a couple doubles, a hard single off the wall then you beat the umpire to death before you defecate in his goalies mask.

Red Stag is closer to ump murdering than a flyout. I still love me some JB but like a jilted lover I'm gonna need to take a little break after this breach of trust. Spend a little quality time with the Wild Turkey until I can get the stink of this episode off of me and learn to love again.
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Monday, January 16, 2012

Series Movie Review: Punisher

Today we're reviewing a classic set of revenge movies:

Punisher (1989)
The Punisher (2004)
Punisher: War Zone (2008)
Bad Azz Mutha: Black Punisher (1998)

Punisher (R 1989) - It's hard to believe this classic Dolph Lundgren pic was a straight to VHS effort. Apparently New World Pictures went bankrupt before it was released here. Anyway, copies of the movie are hard to find and by hard to find I mean I refuse to watch a VHS and it isn't on Netflix. From what I remember when I saw it in 1989 though, it was friggin awesome. Seems like tons of violence, bad dialogue and Lou Gossett Jr. doing stuff. Since it was 1986, I'm betting there was a terrible soundtrack, frequent shots of stripper/hooker related nudity and mild to moderately racist things said about all the Japanese gangster and LGJr. All the stuff a 9 year old boy needs in a film. Good times. FINAL SCORE: B-

The Punisher (R 2004) - Holy god what a mess. Thomas Jane seems like a guy who needs a Prozac and a good nap instead of a guy hellbent on revenge. He literally has dinner with the neighbors in the middle of his rampage. Not good. And everyone seems to know exactly who he is. Isn't he supposed to have a costume and alter ego for a reason? Jane seems like a real firecracker compared to Travolta though. I know Battlefield Earth is the big joke but is it really worse than this? Travolta's "villain" seems manic, alternately ordering people killed the switching to completely disinterested with the fate of the whole plot. Guess what Johnny boy, me too. I would also like to complain that the Punisher family killing scenario is a simple one that should be set up in the first 15 minutes of the movie. This one goes all the way out to foreign islands with family reunions and a long drawn, draaaaaawn out shooting scene just to kill a kid and his mom. Jane wasn't even the Punisher until minute 40 of this wreck. Kill the family, shed the tears, start the rampage. And for God's sake do it with a little life and snap to it.
FINAL SCORE: D-

Punisher:War Zone (R 2008) - Not a bad movie. Ray Stevenson is by far the best Punisher yet and the movie doesn't spend a lot of time before they get to the punishing. There are a couple of those "dinner with neighbors" moments but not many. I do wonder what happened to Dominic West though. He's a great actor and even though he is an English actor he played an Irish guy from Baltimore perfectly in The Wire. I cannot fathom what accent or speech pattern he is going for but it failed miserably. I sounds like Jimmy McNulty had an aneurysm while being raped by a Newsie. Otherwise the Jigsaw effects were obvious but effective enough. I must admit I'm still not sure I can remember the plot. Who cares.
FINAL SCORE: B+

Bad Azz Mutha: Black Punisher (NR 1998) - I have no idea what was going on. Fred Williamson is playing the gritty Lt. Malone from the Black Cobra series but there seems to be a strange divergence of plot. Some of it is Malone chasing bad guys and some of it has to do with freedom fighters and the UN. Worse, for a supposed blaxploitation film, there's very little blaxpolitatin going on. Williamson might be the only black guy in the movie and he seems like a real team player. Hell, he even teams up with the UN at the end of the movie. I thought there would be a lot more of stiff white commissioners telling him to turn in his gun and shield. Maybe a few jive talkin ladies with afro's. If I wanted a lecture on freedom fighters and the UN I would watch Oliver Stone make love to Castro's corpse. What? Fidel is still alive? Who cares, time to go rent Shaft.
FINAL SCORE: Incomplete. I'm not sure this is an actual movie.
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Monday, January 9, 2012

Yikes

A recent CBS News poll shows just how badly off President Obama is. Here are the results in the hypothetical election matchups:

Romney 47 Obama 45
Paul 45 Obama 46
Gingrich 41 Obama 49
Huntsman 41 Obama 48
Perry 42 Obama 49
Santorum 43 Obama 47

Seriously? Not over 50 percent against any of them? Bad news considering the field.

Romney is a guy whose own party doesn't really want to be president, he's winning by default. Paul is a certifiable, tin hat wearing, quasi-racist lunatic. Gingrich seems shocked that negative ads have been used and has now decided to scorch the earth in an attempt to beat Romney. Huntsman is a little weasel who plotted to overthrow the very man who gave him a job while he was still on said job. Perry may be one of the worst campaigners in modern history and Santorum is Romney-esque big government, northeast Republican with more whine and snark.

The idea that Americans seem willing to turn over the country to one of these guys shows just how far he has fallen in the eyes of the American public. Maybe if he spent more time governing and less time trying to hide the extravagantly lame life he and his nutty wife live he wouldn't be in a position to a guy who is a 9/11 truther for crying out loud.

And just imagine how far ahead a good Republican candidate would be.
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Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Backwards Through the Corn

I generally believe that 123,000 people caucusing shouldn't be allowed to influence anything bigger than a school board election. Having said that, the Iowa caucus was tonight and people still insist that it is a big deal. This seems a bit like claiming that you can't have a beer festival unless Natural Light is represented but its a slow news day so I'll play along and break it down.

Rick Santorum 25%: Really Iowa? You were so confused by all the attack ads you just picked the guy you heard the least about? Its despicable that Santorum is getting traction running as some kind of fiscal conservative. If he were a pro-choice atheist he could easily be a Democrat. In case anyone thinks this means anything lets just remember that the good people of Pennsylvania decided Bob Casey would be a better senator than Santorum. One cycle before they chose Pat Toomey. If its down to this Rick or Romney, I'm going Romney.

Mitt Romney 25%: Can this guy get more than 25% of the vote anywhere? In his own house? In a format that basically encourages buying votes and shady deals the guy with the most money only pulls in a measly 25% and loses to a guy who was driving himself around in a pickup truck. E-gads.

Ron Paul 22%: These caucus allow anybody to participate regardless of party affiliation or place of residence. Word has it that all the Occupy Protesters and 9/11 truthers turned out in full force for the GOP's crazy great uncle. I'm sure that support will make it's way into New Hampshire and South Carolina. Nothing those states love more than dirty left-wing nut jobs. The only good thing about Paul is he correctly has labeled Santorum for the fraud he is and is calling him out for it.

Newt Gingrich 14%: Not bad considering that Newt didn't seem to realize he was in a serious campaign until tonight. Now that the Newt moratorium on negative campaigning has expired, expect the Newt fuse to be lit and the blood to flow freely. He really hates Mitt Romney.

Rick Perry 11%: That's a good enough showing for Perry to stay in it. A Southern governor shouldn't be resting their hopes on Iowa and N.H. anyway. Perry should at least be in the hunt for S.C., Florida and Nevada. This isn't 1960. The Southern states hold far more sway than they have in the past. If Perry gets out before he tests himself there, he's an idiot.

Michelle Bachmann 5%: Fringe candidates have to do well in fringe states to have a chance. Having Sarah Palin throw you under the bus probably didn't help much. Time to drop out.

Jon Huntsmen 1%: We should find the 742 people who voted for Huntsmen to see if it was some kind of ironic performance art. Maybe he just has a really big family. Either way, Jon has the distinction of being the second guy I'd rather have Romney over.

Herman Cain 58 votes: Way to keep that torch lit.

Summary: Who cares. The only real nugget of info is that Romney's 25% glass ceiling is made of steel. He should be really worried. Other than that I still think the race will come down to whoever survives between Perry and Gingrich. All the other minors should drop out shortly. The only question is how long Paul sticks around to screw up the math. Paul staying in is good for Romney. If Paul drops then Romney has to hope that his voters just stay home rather than go behind Newt or Perry. Romney can't grow his own voting base so he has to hope everyone else stays fractured.
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Monday, January 2, 2012

Season in Review

After the massive flame out performed by the 2011 Oakland Raiders, its time once again to examine the season to figure out what went wrong.

WINS! - The most surprising part of this is beating Houston when they still had Schaub. Truth be told though they were fueled by the death of Al Davis and were going to lose until Schaub threw an awful pick in the end zone to end the game.

EXCUSABLE LOSES: New England, Green Bay, Kansas City. Kansas City gets included because it was the first game of the Kyle Boller era, the start of the Carson Palmer on 4 days practice era and the McFadden gets hurt 3 plays into the game and disappears for the season. Perfect combination for an apocalypse.

INEXCUSABLE LOSES:
Buffalo 38-35. The emergence of Denarious Moore and a huge day for Jason Campbell couldn't prevent the awful Bresnahan defense from letting the Bills rally for the late win with a pathetic prevent defense effort. Seeing how bad the Bills turned out this one looks even worse.
Denver 38-24. Raiders were leading 24-14 before Willis McGahee and Tebow ran for 899 yds. in the second half to score 24 unanswered points.
Miami 34-14. For the second year in a row the Dolphins shred a Raiders defense that appeared not care one bit.
Detroit 28-27. After doing a good job on Calvin Johnson most of the day, Bresnahan decides to run a prevent defense that allowed Rolando McClain and free agent street signee Matt Giordano to cover Johnson on a sickenly easy and predictable game winning drive.
San Diego 38-26. With a chance to win the division the defense and special teams get shredded by the Chargers who were coming off a 28 point slaughtering by the Lions, wasting a great day by the offense.

The trend is clear. In 4 of these losses the team scored 24 or more points and had the lead. Say what you will about the Palmer interception-palooza but he didn't let the Broncos score 38 points. The same Broncos that lost 7-3 to the Chiefs on Sunday. This should come as no surprise to anyone. Bresnahan was terrible the first time he was in Oakland and he's terrible now.

ANY HOPE? There is some hope going forward in 2012, notably the injuries. When the Raiders fell apart is was coincidentally the same time Darren McFadden. Jacoby Ford, Denarious Moore and Taiwan Jones went out injured. Combine that with a new quarterback trying to learn on the fly and the offense was surprisingly competent. Another promising aspect is that the team is very young and has room to improve without adding personnel. At least on offense.

SPEAKING OF - At first the trade for Carson Palmer seemed ludicrous. But in a league that has Tavaris Jackson, John Skelton, Kevin Kolb, Tim Tebow, Kyle Orton, Matt Moore, Ryan Fitzpatrick, Colt McCoy, Tyler Palko, Charlie Batch, Mark Sanchez, Chad Henne throwing the ball, Carson Palmer seems damn near above average. Not worth a 1 and a 2 but way better than anyone on that list or Kyle Boller.

OFFSEASON GAME PLAN:
1. Fire Bresnahan, get a real defensive coordinator. Poor play on D was the single most glaring aspect of the team. Mostly in the secondary, especially safety.
2. Re-sign Michael Bush. McFadden is too fragile to be counted on for a full season.
3. With no draft picks it might be worth while to see what McFadden and Richard Seymour can get on the trade market.
4. No Samson Satele. Horrible run blocker. Team did much better with Wiz at center and someone else at guard.
5. Reward the fans. The fans sold out all 8 home games this year and were rewarded with 3 division losses and a heartbreaker to the Lions. Not a good way to sell those tickets.
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