Time For A New Phrase

Maybe now we can all stop being forced to watch those insufferable Chevrolet ads that try and remind all of us that Detroit is the home of the American auto industry.

Why ad execs would want to remind us that our most prestigious car manufacturers operate out of a dying pit of a city that and are only able to do so because they are so pitiful that our government threw them billions of dollars. The land of Motown and Kronk gym is now known for 8-Mile, Kid Rock, Melee at the Palace and now, finally, Black Flight. Another race riot would be a vast improvement, only if to show there's any life left there at all.

That's right, African Americans have now figured out that the best way to deal with the pressure of a crumbling urban infrastructure is to simply leave.

The new census data is slowly being released and it's grim for Detroit. The former fifth largest city in the States now has a meager 713,000 residents. That figure puts it squarely behind the cultural epicenters of Indianapolis and LeBronville aka Columbus, OH. I've been to both of those places and, no offense to any loyal readers there, they both suck. I remember Indianapolis because I was truly amazed that such a big city could still manage to smell like cow shit. It actually permeated the Arby's beef and cheddar to the point where I was tempted to liberally apply that poisonous "horsey sauce". I only remember Columbus because I remember thinking that if it weren't for Cleveland, the residents of Columbus would have nobody to feel superior to.

Back to the Black Flight. In the ten years between census's, 237,000 residents escaped from Detroit. A whopping 185,000 of them were black and 41,000 were white. Now I'm shocked that there were still 41,000 white people in Detroit but that's not the point. The only other city seeing this kind of flight is New Orleans and they got hit by a hurricane. If it weren't for the influx of Hispanics into the unimaginatively named "Mexicantown" neighborhood, Detroit might fall off the map completely.

Despite the clamorings of Michigan's politicians and the mouth-breathers running GM's ad division, this is actually a good thing. First of all, we can stop using "White Flight" as a racist term of abandonment concerning big city America. Flight is now equal opportunity. Second, cities like Detroit should be abandoned as quick as possible. For years it seems like the black population was just trapped in these decaying ruins. They should be escaping and now it seems they are, at least in one city. In most cases, the same group of people have been running these slums for decades. They only stay in power because they are tied to the population somehow. If that population leaves town and is replaced by a bunch of Mexicans, then the whole snow globe gets shook and maybe some changes will be made. At the very least there are less people to drain the state resources which might help to ease the financial pressure on city officials.

So maybe Chevy should modify those ads and instead of reminding us that they're built in Detroit, maybe they can just say made in America. No need to point that your product comes from decay. It'll like reminding people that mushrooms are a fungus. Technically true but not good for the bottom line. Now before people claim that I'm just a Motor City hater, let me end on a high note. One of the great things about Detroit was its boxing and for my money, it didn't get any better than the Motor City Cobra Thomas Hearns. Detractors always say how he lost to both Hagler and Leonard but I disagree. He fought the good fight against Hagler despite breaking his hand in the first round and Hearns was clearly beating Leonard before he ran out of gas in the 14th and got TKO'd. Either way, here's a clip of the best Hitman knockouts. Keep a close eye around minute 3 where Hearns absolutely dislocates Roberto Duran from all time and space. Then compare it to Ron Artest knocking out that fat Mexican in the Pistons jersey. They're both awesome.

The Hitman:


Melee at the Palace