"Hi guys. I'm glad to stand before you today and proclaim myself a new man, a changed man and a better man. I've looked long and hard at myself and can now say without a shadow of a doubt that I am a 100%, grade A cooze-hound. It's liberating just to be able to say that out loud! No longer will I have to hide my insatiable taste for washed up porn stars and truck stop waitresses, no more paying thousands of dollars to get a wrangler to go into the waffle hut and pick up my ladies for me. Not anymore. From now on, I'll proudly walk into that Stucky's myself, head high, no condoms and no worries. I wish I had been this truthful before I shacked up with the nanny but heh, that Swede is about to get half a billion dollars so who gives a flyin f*@! am I right? This is Tiger's world now bitches, I'm gunning for both Jack and Wilt's records baby and no amount of Earnie Els or Gloria Allreds can stop me. This will be my last interview for the next three years, all requests can be made through my caddy who will promptly kick you in the sack. See you at the Fudruckers, chumps."
Powerful, powerful stuff.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment