Shine On You Crazy Northern Diamond

The Vancouver Olympics finally ended after sixteen strange days that had everything from death to sudden death to gigantic inflatable beavers.

It was an Olympics that was marred from technical problems right from the very start and was hampered by the oddly gorgeous winter weather. Through the tragedy and embarrassments were some genuinely unique moments of great competition and photo finishes. In tonight's closing ceremonies, Team Canada tried to prove every Canadian stereotype correct by having a strange blend of Mounties, Beavers, Moose, comedians and Russians perform the closing ceremonies. It was odd, somewhat stilted, purely Canadian and were a fitting end to the close of a strange set of games.

It was also a far cry better than the 2008 China Olympics.

Why you ask? Simple. These were real games.

The spectacle in China was a sight to behold for its artistry and pinpoint precision but how could anybody not see that the only way that that scene was possible was because everybody in that country is suppressed by hard line Communists. That precision was only achieved at gunpoint. The precision of a Swiss watch, the cruelty of a Russian gulag. These Vancouver games were human, not a PR job to fool the world. These games had some errors because nature and the human condition are imperfect at best. The law of averages dictates that something is bound to happen. An authoritarian society can hammer out the possibilities of some errors through its iron fist but these games are supposed to be a celebration of the human spirit, not a display of what can be achieved by suppressing it.

While it's tragic that life was lost during these games, I'm glad for the way things turned out. I'm glad Canada decided to end this thing with Mounties, a hockey fight, beavers, moose and Shatner. It wasn't a show, it was from the heart and Canadian freedom is still as real today as it was before the games. I think the world can live with an Olympics where civil liberties were held intact even if one of those goofy looking torch things didn't quite light right. The only improvement would have been removing Mike Buble and replacing him with a fountain of Molson.

I suspect we'll see more of the same in two years at the summer games in London. You can go a long with politeness and courtesy and the Brits seem to have a reservoir of those things. I hope the Russians can be as well mannered in four years as the Canadian were this month.

I also hope I can see some curling between now and then.

Krugman Must Be Exxxstatic

President Barack Obama released his healthcare "framework" today and what a spectacle it is.

The first question I would ask is "Why bother?" I'm not sure what good it does El Presidente to put this non-binding suggestion to Congress days before the dog and pony show with Republicans over healthcare. All this does is show to everyone that that meeting is a farce and that he doesn't have any intention of letting Republican ideas anywhere near the bill. Combine that with the stated plan to use reconciliation to pass it, Obama, Reid & Pelosi are once again making all their reps in moderate districts fall on the sword for bad legislation. While spitting on the American people all at the same time.

The second question is "You're Joking Right?" This non-bill the President released is an absolute legislative abortion. There is a reason why we have professional legislators and separate executives and this is it. The bill is all the worst aspects of both the House and Senate bills, nearly a trillion dollars in cost, contradictory to itself and probably too poisonous for the reconciliation process if not not flat out prohibited by the rules of the Senate. The most shocking thing? The Congressional Budget Office won't even score this atrocity. Those group of math wizards would score rat piss on a cocktail napkin if a big time liberal asked them too. That's how Ted Kennedy submitted his proposed legislation, fyi.

For being the smartest politician since Plato, Obama sure does many a dumb thing and this is another one in a long list. That list still has "Hiring Robert Gibbs" right at the top for those of you keeping track at home.

I'm not even sure Obama is a skilled Community Agitator (organizer). I've read Alinsky and while Obama seems to have the "keep everyone on edge" thing mastered, he doesn't seem able to move from that to "make change happen". In fact, Obama seems to agitate people to the point of making them defy him just out of principle instead of caving to him so he'll leave them alone.

Man, those November elections just can't get here fast enough.

Just A Touch of Wow

It makes you wonder when you watch something like the Tiger Woods Apology Showcase, just how certain people have managed to make it so far without having any sense of what makes someone truly human.

I hear some of the sports media's glowing accounts of how El Tigre really showed himself for the first time, poured his heart out and was really real.

What they hell were they watching?

Tigers speech was given in the exact same cadence that a martian would have used if they spent their time studying emotion by watching nothing but Chris Walken and Jesse Jackson performances.

It was stilted, filled with contrived emotion and full of backhanded attacks at the media and public in general. Why was it so hard for him to do?

Because he didn't mean any of it. The only genuine thing he was genuinely upset about was the media prying into his life. This is the same old Tiger, too good to be bothered with the outside world. The rest was just BS that some PR firm put together for him. Badly at that I might add. Lets give a quick rundown:

Religion? Check. Buddha.
Role Model Failures? Check.
Humbled? Check. Used to think I was elite, blah, blah, blah.
Apologize to sponsors? Check.
Talk About Parents? Check.
Blame the Media? Check.
Defend Your Wife? Check. Would have been better if she had actually been there.
Fake A Tear? Oops! Wasn't for lack of trying though, if he had tried any harder to squeeze out a tear he might have crapped his pants.

His speech sounded like an undergraduate PR students checklist of things to work into a final draft. Combine that with the highly controlled crowd, lack of questions, dripping insincerity and contempt and it was a train wreck all around. I'm shocked that by this time in his life Tiger hasn't figured out how to fake real emotion just to trick the public and sponsors into supporting him. Does he have some personality disorder, was he abused as a child or is just a world class spoiled A-hole? Tough to say but I know who the winner in all this is, Kobe Bryant. Say what you will but Kobe was accused of raping a hotel worker yet managed to get his wife to the press conference, answer questions and at least pass for human.

The big loser? besides Tiger of course, it is his wife Elin. What must she be thinking after watching that debacle. This is the guy I married? This is the guy who hangs out with my kids? Nobody can say whats been going on between them for the last few months but obviously it isn't going well if after all this time he can't even muster a little regret or sadness for betraying their marriage, shaming her and posing a gigantic health risk for the entire family by nailing porn stars sans condom. She must have loved his voice breaking when he talked about the media stalking him but nary a tear or quiver for her. If she didn't attack him with a 9-iron that night in November, she just might tonight.

She might just be used to it by now though. I can't imagine that T-800 going home and suddenly turning into Mr. Personality. She probably knew exactly what was coming and who it was really for.

If this atrocity proved anything once and for all, it's that Tiger's the star of his own show and all the rest of us, friends, family and public, are just props in his grand play. Apparently nothing is going to change that either.

An Advance Copy

My staff of investigative journalists managed to get their hands on a copy of Tiger Woods statement planned for Friday, here it is, unedited in any way.

"Hi guys. I'm glad to stand before you today and proclaim myself a new man, a changed man and a better man. I've looked long and hard at myself and can now say without a shadow of a doubt that I am a 100%, grade A cooze-hound. It's liberating just to be able to say that out loud! No longer will I have to hide my insatiable taste for washed up porn stars and truck stop waitresses, no more paying thousands of dollars to get a wrangler to go into the waffle hut and pick up my ladies for me. Not anymore. From now on, I'll proudly walk into that Stucky's myself, head high, no condoms and no worries. I wish I had been this truthful before I shacked up with the nanny but heh, that Swede is about to get half a billion dollars so who gives a flyin f*@! am I right? This is Tiger's world now bitches, I'm gunning for both Jack and Wilt's records baby and no amount of Earnie Els or Gloria Allreds can stop me. This will be my last interview for the next three years, all requests can be made through my caddy who will promptly kick you in the sack. See you at the Fudruckers, chumps."

Powerful, powerful stuff.

At Least They Balanced Their Budget

Is it just me or did the Washington Bullets (never Wizards) get nationalized and have their GM replaced by Joe Biden? Lets examine the trades they've been making.

The managed to turn Antawn Jamison, Caron Butler, Brendan Haywood, DeShawn Stevenson, Agent Zero and cash into Josh Howard, Al Thornton, Quinton Ross, James Singleton, Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Emir Preldzic and a 2010 first round pick.

Yikes.

Howard is flaky and overrated, Thornton could be okayish but he better be your third best player on a championship team. Everyone else is useless and will be cut eventually. The only positive from this trade for Le Bullets is that they will now fall under the salary cap and not have to pay the luxury tax. Forget that they just all their fans to pack it in for the next 3 years, at least they won't have to pay extra to suck out loud.

If they contracted this team during the 2011 work stoppage, do you think anyone would care?

2010 Elections - CO

Well, let's take a quick look at the state of Colorado's elections shall we?

CO-1: Diana DeGette (D) still running unopposed as far as I can tell.

CO-2: Jared Polis has 3 token Republicans trying to win the right to lose to one of Congress's least liked members. If any Dem dared to challenge Polis, he'd be out.

CO-3: Scott Tipton showed a strong fourth quarter fundraising making his effort against John Salazar somewhat interesting. This is a Republican district but Salazar is usually pretty popular but something in the polling made the Cook Political drop this from "Likely Democrat" to "Lean Democrat". Not a surge yet but something to keep an eye on.

CO-4: A slew of Republicans are chomping at the bit to knock off Betsy Markey but none of them is showing tons of political acumen. Still, Markey has to be worried that she doesn't have a bigger cash lead.

CO-5: Doug Lamborn still running unopposed.

CO-6: Somebody is running against Mike Coffman but it doesn't matter, Coffman rolls.

CO-7: Ryan Frazier is the clear Republican front runner now after outraising both McCain stooge Lang Sias and Democrat incumbent Ed Perlmutter. Perlmutter still has big cash advantage as he is popular with everyone outside of Colorado but Frazier has the momentum at this point.

Governor: Scott McInnis (R) is screaming jobs and taxes all over the state after the Democrat controlled state legislature is trying to raise taxes on everything. Fake "Aw-Schuckser" John Hickenlooper is in a bit of hot water for giving a speech on how global warming may not exist to a bunch of oil people just months after going to Copenhagen to try and get a worldwide global warming treaty signed. Hick is also being implicated in covering-up the racially motivated assaults in the Denver area where black gangs were targeting whites in the downtown area. Supposedly Hick knew that they were racially motivated months before announcing that fact to the public. There were numerous assaults during this time where a public warning may have prevented or minimized some of that damage. This is still brewing but the polls are close and law and order issues may benefit McInnis, a former police officer.

CO-Senate: Jane Norton is still leading both Bennett and Romanoff in the polls and she just did an ad buy on both TV and radio linking Bennett to Obama and slamming them both for the stimulus failure. Ken Buck still trails in the primary race, badly.

My Guess? 672 Million, +/- 100 Million, Either Way

More good news on the economic front!

It seems America's brightest over at the GAO have found that the 2010 census has already managed to waste unknown amounts of money that could reach as high as 2 billion by the time they manage to figure out how many people they can coerce into filling out their stupid form.

I for one will turn my nose up at the thought that all this waste is somehow tied to the census being run by liberal union types and say "Good Day!" to any who entertain the notion. The only thing more secure than union accounting practices is the mighty hand of providence itself.

*ahem*

But I do have one good idea.

Why don't we round up some of these goldbricking AFL-CIO types, march them over to the Treasury Department/Federal Reserve and see if they can do a census on where all our money is.

The idea that the institution that is only responsible for the money supply, value of said supply and the spender of bailout money is somehow beyond examination is absurd.

I frankly couldn't care less how many people are here. Those results are going to lie anyway, vastly undervaluing the impact of illegal immigrants and only serving as fuel for all the district gerrymandering and "exposing" how many people need more government help, so who cares.

The Fed on the other hand, I'm very interested in. The Euro is dropping off the edge of the world value wise, China is selling off U.S. Bonds so fast that Japan is now the number one debt holder and I think all Americans should know the answer to two questions:

1) How much money have you dumped into the system and exactly how much is in circulation today;

2) What is the Treasury spending all their money on. A full audit. Starting now.

So get after it census thugs! You can keep your count of los immigrantes, I can find them on my own, get cracking on that dinero, amigo.

Un Bon Dieu!

That was nice of the Saints to make my upset win prediction come true and then some. I guess we can put Peyton Manning in the same company as Elway as a QB who scored a quick 10 then got dominated. Not quite the same since the Skins beat the broncos 655-10 that year but the sentiment is the same.

The people who should really be heartbroken are in San Diego. I think we can all agree that the draft that landed them both Tomlinson and Brees was one of the greatest two round hauls in history. Nice that the they decided to blow that thing up so they could get Doug Flutie and Phil Rivers on the field for a few more snaps. How'd that work out for ya?

Honorable mention for sickest franchise? Miami Dolphins. They passed on Brees to get a good look at that Chad Pennington magic. Good times.

Another season is now in the books and the world is back where it belongs. Bourbon street probably looks like a scene out of The Libertine about now, Peyton Manning choked again and the Oakland Raiders are now back to .500 (o-o) and are still being screwed in HOF voting.

So . . . . . . when is the draft?

LAST THOUGHT: Watching the postgame interview with Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian, she mentioned something about quitting her job so they could focus on Reggie winning a Super Bowl every year, like they did this year. Two questions: 1) You have a job? Doing what exactly? 2) Where is the petition for me to sign?

There Are 2 Teams, Right?

It's hard to believe how much love the Colts are getting heading into this weekend's Super Bowl.

The refrain from nearly every pundit of note is that the Colts will win, fairly handily, because Peyton Manning is unstoppable. It seems as if they have no other reason to think so highly of the Colts because that's the only reason given.

I've actually been hearing comparisons between this years game and the Colts/Bears Super Bowl a few years ago, which is absurd. The Saints are far superior to that offensively bankrupt Bears team. Let us also not forget how Peyton Manning, just a few short years ago, was a guy who couldn't win outside when the had to go up to New England. manning got flustered and choked in the fresh air.

Also being forgotten by the media is the fact that the Saints are far better suited for playing on the grass. They are a better running team, have bigger receivers and have a defense that isn't completely reliant on speed. The Colts have almost no running game to speak of and receivers who seem to play much better on the fast track than they do on turf. They also have a small defense that gets smaller if Freeney isn't full speed.

It's as if people forget that the Saints were 13-0 at one point as well. I don't think the Saints should be the favorite or anything but the game is a pick-em, not a Colts -6 situation.

My pick Saints 28 Colts 24.