Quick Hits

Congressman nearly gets laughed off stage for lying to voters:

Pat Toomey is now tied with Arlen Spector in latest Quinnipiac poll. Toomey plus 4 over Sestak.

Yankees now 2 games up over the Sox.

J-Lo, Marc Anthony and Gloria Estefan now own part of the Dolphins. Dan Marino will now eat 100 stone crabs in a sad, silent protest.

In a related note, Terrence Trent D'Arby, Teena Marie and Positive K will be sponsoring Churro Night next Friday night for the Amarillo Dillas of the United League.

In another related note C.C. Sabathia will also eat 100 stone crabs just because it's Thursday.

A Mets - Nats game is a lot like a strip club during the day; no talent on the field, nothing but losers in the stands.

Rahm Emmanuel and Barak Obama are taking credit for rescuing the economy. I myself rescued a chicken from a long a fruitful life tonight at dinner.

California is shrewdly planning to release 27,000 prisoners early, hoping the ensuing gang wars will result in at least 27,000 dead gang bangers. Charles Manson will continue to live however.

There was a time when this great nation wouldn't put up with this crap.

Coming soon! NFL Previews

Goodell is spelled S-A-N-C-T-I-M-O-N-I-U-S

Well, Mike "Ron Mexico" Vick has finally served his entire sentence and is ready to rejoin society.

When he can rejoin football is another story that will be written by the defender of morality, virtue and chastity for all, Cotton Mather Goodell. Apparently Cotton feels that after 2 years in the clink, Vick still has to do some PR work with PETA and the Humane Society before his NFL suspension will be lifted.

Give me a break. What possible purpose dos it serve to have Vick fake false regret to bunch of yuppie activists? Despite your Puritanical leaning Goodell, your league is full of jackass, drug addicts, PED users, gamblers and other various criminals. You should be glad Vick didn't get drunk and kill innocent bystanders like Leonard Little or Dante Stallworth.

Now I don't excuse Vick, I'm just not a hypocrite. Vick viciously killed animals for sport, we do it for food. What, do you think all those veal calves are chained to the ground and smothered with love until they transform into veal like some culinary diamond? Hell no, those poor creatures literally die of sadness. According to the USDA, the sad is what makes them tender.* Foie gras is made by forcing a goose to eat until its liver explodes in his body. Very compassionate.

Look, Vick is an A-hole, he got caught, he went to the pokey and lost all his money. We can call it even now right?

In a related note, when Vick gets reinstated I have two destinations for him.

The first is Minnesota. Screw Favre. Go with exciting and upside. Vick and Peterson would be an awesome running combo and Vick should still be able to throw some bombs in the dome. It would even be economically beneficial, you can get Vick on the cheap given his baggage.

Second, the Miami Dolphins. I've seen Chad Pennington, Chad Henne and Pat White and if they're your starting QB's you've got trouble. Might as well take a flyer on Vick and hope Parcells can keep him in line. The real reason though is the TV possibilities of Vick in South Beach. Here's the setup, you get Vick, brother Marcus (the Vick brothers have the greatest potential for highjinks since the Canseco Brothers invaded Miami and possibly Madonna all those years ago) and some of Vick's posse from Virginia paired up with a camera crew. Then, every Friday you pay Vick his game check in cash and send him off to Miami's red light district chauffeured by Pacman Jones. You could measure the amount of time it takes to call the cops with a stopwatch. It would be the perfect combination of Hard Knocks, Cops, Cribs and Playmakers.

Must see TV.

*may not be an actual fact.

Not That Shocking, I Guess

I another gesture to signify that the United States now has no problem with dictators, the United States and Cuban military forces held joint exercises sometime last week at the Guantanamo Naval Base.

The exercises were to practice and gauge emergency response times in the event of natural disasters. I would venture to say that because Cuba is a dank communist hell hole and Guantanamo was built by Americans, any natural disaster would devastate all of Cuba except Guantanamo. That's besides the point though.

The real issue is that, apparently, I still can't buy a premium Cuban cigar legally but Cuban helicopters can fly all around our naval bases pretending to run some stupid disaster drill while spying on our military.

Am I insane? Does anything makes sense in this government anymore? Why are we running dills with communists? Why do we still have an embargo if we are this buddy buddy with the Flying Castro Brothers? Are we closing Club Gitmo for terroroists so we can give it to communists? Who the hell knows anymore.

This revelation is just another sick reminder about how stupid the embargo is, if we really want regime change in Cuba, fine. Do it the old fashioned way with exploding cigars, aids infested prostitutes or just a good old fashioned carpet bombing or bullet to the head. Otherwise, open the boarders, open the casinos and lets turn Havana into East Tiajuana. FYI, The prostitute one may not be real, i just like to think the C.I.A. can think that far outside the box.

Our whole foreign policy initiative is a complete sham. We play footsie all day with left wing nutjobs in Cuba, Venezuela, Nicaragua, Honduras, Russia, China, North Korea but we tell our long time allies the Bits and Jews to go F themselves. Diplomatically of course.

The only question left is whether or nor Obama does this intentionally as part of some left wing master plan or if Obama, Clinton, Emmanuel, etc. are just incompetent jackasses.

I could believe either at this point.



You can find the full story Here

MOVIE PREVIEW: I Love You Phillip Morris

Here is the new trailer for Jim Carrey and Ewan MacGregor's new pic "I Love You Phillip Morris". I can only imagine the box office returns for this here in the States. It'll probably do quite well overseas however.

Prince of . . . . . . . .Wisconsin?

I saw this photo of Jake Gyllenhaal in Entertainment Weekly from his new movie Prince of Persia and was a little perplexed. Now, I don't like to get all PC about divesity in hiring and all that but I am a fan of historical accuracy. I'm no world traveller but I always thought Persia was essentially Iran. They couldn't get Jake into a mystic tan or something before shooting this thing? This is like casting Lou Diamond Phillips as Blackula. Odd.

Mile High or Just High?

News from various sources today that the Denver Broncos are less than enamored with new coach Josh McDaniels. I for one am shocked that a Bill Belichek/Charlie Weis disciple has had trouble with interpersonal issues. Shocked! Nonetheless, I will regain my composure and attempt to carry on.

It seems that the team veterans simply don't trust the new head coach. I believe that team chemistry is a vastly overrated concept in sports but distrusting the coach is a serious matter indeed. What could have brought the team to such a precarious state?

Is it the youth and inexperience of McDaniel?
Did McDaniels install cameras in the locker room?
Did he invite players wives to stay at the team hotel for road games?
New G2 Gatorade without asking?

Maybe, just maybe it has to do with McDaniels shrewd maneuvering in regards to the quarterback position.

Maybe when a coach turns a young all pro quarterback like Jay Cutler into Kyle Orton and Chris Simms, perhaps there's bound to be some doubt. I know I was shaking my head. Seriously the only reason Kyle Orton is thought of as decent is because guys like Dan Orlovski are still playing. And Simms? The guy had his spleen liquidated and hasn't thrown a ball since. They literally could have removed his spleen with the same tube they use to inject breast implants through a womans stomach. (For all you curious readers, that's called Trans-umbilical Breast Augmentation or a TUBA incision. Google at your own risk.) So the master plan is to have a backup quarterback who's body is a brittle as a fake tit. Brilliant.

Nobody should trust you McDaniels, your decision making sucks. If you combine Orton, Simms and a jockstrap you might have one decent ball carrier.

You get what you deserve my friend.

Rip A Bong Load of Truth

It's being reported that California has looked into legalizing pot in an effort to level their budget. The tax revenue from said pot sales would be expected to exceed a billion dollars annually.

While this is no doubt true given California's long history of high taxes and willing pot heads, the whole discussion is illustrative of other things.

For the time being, we'll ignore the war on drugs. anti-pot arguments and focus on how legalization is being addressed from both ends of the spectrum. This may be more liberal versus libertarian but given that libertarianism and conservatism are different roots of the same philosophical tree, we can proceed without constraint.

The entire liberal argument lately has been that legalization is necessary to help empty prisons and provide tax revenue for their ill managed state.

The libertarian/conservative argument is that it never should have been illegal and decriminalization is simply restoring an original right.

This shows the difference between the two philosophies. Liberals would attempt to give you a right you have already by birthright for the sole purpose of exploiting it and controlling it though legislation and taxation. By controlling it they can, by extension, control you too.

For libertarians and conservatives, it is simply restoring natural rights and individual liberties. No real right winger would ever dream of legalizing something just for the sake of taxing it.

Let this example simmer in your mind until the next time some politician promises you something that's already yours. Think of what your goals of freedom are and see if they jive with what said politician is selling. If the two don't square, send him packing.