Life, Illuminated

Since the New Year began, I've been walking around at night wondering why things looked/felt odd. I assumed that it was simply a lingering hard cider hangover from New Year's eve. As the 13th day came and went and I still couldn't figure out what was wrong so I naturally assumed that I was suffering from some kind of palsy or the effects of a mild stroke.

Luckily, I went to check the mail before calling my doctor. Finally, I found out why the world was suddenly altered in my perceptions.

The street lights are back on!

For those not familiar with the local politics of Colorado Springs (why would you be), a quick recap. During the worst of the depression, the conservative city's conservative City Council decided to turn off 33% of the city's street lights in an effort to save money. This was the same measure that removed city funded park watering and trash removal.

The reaction from the liberal comrades in Denver, Boulder and CNN was predictable. They all laughed hysterically at our backwards ways, predicting massive spikes in rapes and other violent crimes, parks teeming with sewage and generally a city full of blight.

This included nearly all of the lights on my street. After reading a few pages of the Denver Post, I went and bought myself a rifle, told my wife I loved her, then stood guard at my front door, waiting for my formerly civil neighbors to succumb to the dark and transform into a bunch a gang raping, covenant ignoring sociopaths. Anyone who wanted to drop me off a Christmas card past 3:00 P.M. was in serious trouble.

Then nothing happened. Of course.

Only the very stupid or elitist would honestly believe that our city would turn into a stage for Escape From New York because a few street lights were turned off. I assume the Big Panic industry in Denver and Boulder is chock full of both since I still haven't heard or read any analysis of our city's successful budget maneuvering. Apparently the Sky Is Falling Crowd is better at baseless accusations and fear mongering than dealing with actual facts. I bet if we had turned off those lights for a green initiative, we would've been praised from coast to coast.

Either way, the lights are back and I'm glad for that. Even if the crime didn't skyrocket in the dark, the city does look better illuminated. Now all the visitors to our city will be able to see both the beautiful natural scenery as well as the smug look on all our faces that we have from proving our noisy detractors wrong.

Day or night.