Que Es Esto?

Watching the Cincinnati Bengals is a like watching Mexican League baseball. It looks and sounds like something familiar but if a donkey show broke out you wouldn't be shocked.

The off season game plan has been ridiculous even for Mike Brown standards. Brown has done a lot of stubborn things during his tenure regarding player holdouts and Carson Palmer moves to the top of that list.

I understand not wanting to empower players by caving to every demand. The difference here is that Carson Palmer sucks. He's been through for about three years now. The idea that anyone would entertain giving the Bengals a first round pick for that spent round is amazing. If Brown had swindled the Seahawks out of that haul he would be lauded as the greatest executive mind in the game today. Instead, Brown does nothing and remains the sad man he is.

So what have they been doing while they blew a chance to unload dead weight? Let their best DB (Joseph) go for nothing, turned over the team to Danny Bonaduce (Andy Dalton) and spent more than five bucks resigning a RB that hit the wall two years ago and is going to miss three weeks of the season serving a short stint in the can (Benson) and let the only two playmakers walk away on offense (Ocho & TO).

I suppose Brown could have done worse things to try and compete with the Steelers, Ravens and Browns but it's hard to imagine what. If he had any dignity he pay off the rest of that stadium himself instead of raping taxpayers. Then he find out what the University of Cincinnati was charging for home tickets and match that for Bengal tickets. Then again, if he had any dignity he wouldn't run this team that was exciting about 5 years ago into the ground again. The Brown name diminishes every day that he ruins the team.

World Wide Leader of Duh

Lord knows I'm no Tim Tebow apologist but good lord the caliber of people who feel entitled to tear him down is way down in the dregs.

It's bad enough to have talking heads like Jon Gruden and Ron Jaworski tearing apart QB's but how exactly did we come to the point where Merril Hoge, Mark Schlereth and Eric Mangini are somehow qualified to state without any doubt that Tebow should be taken out back and shot?

Hoge was a slightly above average fullback who suffered massive concussions and had to retire.

Schelerth was a offensive lineman best know for puking before games out of fear and smelling to holy hell.

Mangini was the genius behind the Jets debacle that was righted by one of the Ryans as well as the Brady Quinn, Derek Anderson nonsense in Cleveland.

Tebow is the classic example of losing your sponsor. He was drafted by Josh McDaniel knowing it would take 3 years to get him ready. McDaniel gets fired and suddenly everyone is shocked that Tebow can't beat out Orton right after a lockout.

If John Elway and John Fox don't want him, then fine. They didn't draft him. ESPN needs to have a little more dignity than to trot these 3 know nothings to pile on the criticism. It's like watching Herman Edwards rip someone elses coaching or seeing Rebecca Lobo rip someones lack of athleticism.

ESPN makes a bajillion dollars a minute, is some credible analysis to much to ask?

And On The Seventh Day . . . . . . .

Thank God the Raiders announced today that they decided to give a former Browns castoff 29 million in guaranteed money.

Until Kamerion Wimbley inked his deal I thought somebody forgot to tell Al the lockout was over.

As far as I can tell that's the only significant move the Silver and Black have made so far. I realize that the team had a non-losing season for the first time in a decade but it seems to me that an 8-8 team that lost its best player (Nnamdi Asomough) and is working on losing its only good vertical threat (Zach Miller) can't afford to stand still.

When a team climbs the crap ladder all the way up to mediocre they can either take the next step up to competitive or fall back down just as easy. The way things stand now they are going into the season with DHB, Jacoby Ford, the Ghost of Chaz Scheilens and Johnnie Lee Higgins in the passing game and Stanford Routt, Mike Mitchell, Chris Johnson and Tyvon Branch in the defensive backfield.

To put it simply, they have an offense built for ground-and-pound and a defense that turns every opposing offense into the run-and-shoot. There was no way they could get Nnamdi back but they needed to strike quick to fill the spot. Nate Clements, one of the Cromarties, Carlos Rodgers could have all helped. Now the best DB on the market is maybe Asante Samuel who unfortunately is zone coverage artist and would be useless in Al's beloved press coverage.

The offense is even worse. The best WR option out there is Braylon Edwards for god's sake. We've seen DHB drop enough passes that hit him right in the face. Those two on the field together could be dangerous.

I hope some good players get cut in cap situations that Al can sneak in and snatch up. Otherwise, the teams been stuck in time for a whole year while everyone else got better.

Now For Something Really Useless

Even in the limitless expanse that is the Internet it is still technically possible to waste valuable space.

The UK Independent is actually spending time and effort trying to analyze the political situation in Iran. Apparently the nut job little dictator over there has gotten himself in some hot water and is probably going to be replaced by some other nut job dictator.

The article goes into detail about the elections that brought Mahmoud into power, what his cabinet has been doing, yada, yada, yada.

What is the point of analyzing elections and polititions in a rigged system? The only people who can get elected there are people that the Ayatollah gives the ok to. One nut job religious psycho gives the big thumbs up to an army of little nut job politicians. They don't have any real power, can't really makes decisions and if they try they end up in a world of hurt. Only 13 unlucky virgins in paradise kind of hurt. That's why the coverage of Irans "protests" were so laughable. They acted like Mahmood stole that last "election" from the Persian MLK. Reform was just right around the corner if only Mir Hossein Moussavi had found a couple hanging chads somewhere.

We do all realize that he was a nut job too right? Seriously press, at what point do you guys just start running old stories from the 80's about Iran? They're all the same, just change the names; oil, oil, oil, Great Satan, Jews . . . . . . .

The best you can say about these things is that they're amusing. So desperate are the media to have a dictator to love that the just tie themselves into a knot trying to paint Raul Castro, Daniel Ortega, Hugo Chavez, etc. in a positive light. It's like watching a three-legged dog trying to catch his own tail. A little funny and a little sad all at the same time.

When they finally get around to lauding the lack of obesity in North Korea then I'll start paying attention again. Until then I'm just going to watch some Telemundo and see if I can figure out why the midget with the axe is chasing a girl in a bikini whose riding a pig in a tuxedo. Seems like a more productive usage of my time.

Concrete Nikes

Sometimes even I hate the right-wing media machine.

It came out today that one of the things discussed for debt reduction is the military budget. Of course came the predictable nashing of teeth beating of chests.

What can the argument be that military funding is off the table? As far as I can tell, people who make this argument are pushing one of two theories. First, the military is efficient to the point where it operates without waste. Second, that even if there is waste, to eliminate it would somehow make them combat ineffective.

Nonsense. While the military is the military, it is also government. It is also bureaucracy. Millions and billions of dollars of waste and fraud and grist go hand in hand with those things. The defense budget should be looked over and have the fat cut from it, just like every other part of the national budget.

One thing these teeth nashers are right about though is that the GOP shouldn't agree to this just for the hell of it. If we are going to cut the military then we're going to cut food stamps, welfare, research grants, NEA grants, social security, MediCade/Care, foreign aid and every other thing that this country spends its money on.

If all of these things don't get cut then don't cut the defense either. If some strange sequence of events leads to real budget slashing then the defense budget will have to be on the block as well of course. No trading on faith alone.

Uh, Now What?

The NBA draft has come and gone and the Orlando Magic haven't really done anything of note.

This is a bad sign for Magic fans everywhere. Despite the recent success of the team, the future looks none too bright and it starts with the salary cap.

For this past year it was right around 58 million and Orlando clocked in with a final payroll of 89 million. What pieces did this lavish spending buy?

Dwight Howard at 16.6 is as good a deal as you can get but the rest of the roster is scary.

Agent Zero - 17.7
Hedo - 10.2
Jameer - 7.8
JJ Redick - 7.2

That's 42.9 million dollars on guys you can't win a championship with if they're in your top 3 best players. Combine that with Dwight's 16.6 and your spending 59.5 million on a terrible team. Combine that awful financial statement with the fact that the cap is probably going to be go down after the new CBA and it seems impossible that Orlando can fix this thing.

They only have one hope and that is for the new CBA to have an Allen Houston rule where you can wipe one salary off the cap, even though you still have to pay it. If Otis Smith reaches the conclusion that Dwight has to be traded, which is likely, then he must strong arm some team into taking Gilbert Arenas too. You could make the case that Hedo would be good enough but if the team gives up Dwight they need the relief. It'd be better to let Dwight leave for nothing than to trade him alone.

If you can get Howard and Zero gone through trade and erase Hedo through the Allen Houston Rule you've trimmed 44.5 off the payroll. They should also let Reddick and Nelson go for as little in return as possible and that would save another 15 mil.

Of course that doesn't include what you take back. If the trade happened with the Lakers and Orlando got back 2 or 3 out of Gasol, Bynum and Odom, the salary back would be between 21-38 million, depending on who you get. That still leaves the team with a hefty payroll but if you can trade 44.5 million of Howard, Zero and Hedo and replace that with 38 million of Bynum, Odom and Gasol, not only do you still save money but you can actually win with that core. Depending on what Boston does, Orlando would either be the third or fourth best team in the east behind Chicago and Miami. Assuming the new lower cap doesn't force Miami to cut one of the 3 out.

The Bottom line is that Orlando needs to get younger, cheaper and better. They crapped out in the playoffs because nobody could score. If you keep Dwight you have to hold onto those bad contracts for another 2-3 years and you simply can't change the roster enough to make a run at winning. Better to lose you best player than lose four years of competitiveness.

New York, New York

The Yankees have a few problems but one glaring one could be solved by the incompetence of the Mets.

As hard as it is to face, Derek Jeter has become a real liability. Bad enough where it needs to be addressed. The problem with The Captain isn't his lack of mobility in the field, it's on offense. He can't drive the ball anymore and his on base percentage is terrible. He can't be slotted in anywhere in the top 6 of the lineup and is probably best suited for the 9 hole in front of Gardner.

This is a real blow because if he can't hit, he can't be moved to the outfield or DH.

Luckily, the Mets have continued to suck and need to unload Jose Reyes. The Yankees need to make a serious play for him.

The only problem is whether or not the Mets would try and hijack the Yanks because of the cross town rivalry. In a reasonable world, a package of Nunez and prospect Jesus Montero should get the job done.

Many Yankee fans might see it as too high a cost considering the hype around Montero. The only problem is that Montero doesn't have a position. He can't catch and the Yankees also have Auatin Romine and Gary Sanchez in the catching pipeline. He could play 1B but only if you unload Texiera. He could also DH but the team needs that spot for its aging sluggers who can't play the field. It's only a matter of time before A-Rod becomes the full time DH anyway.

One thing the Yankees should not do is trade the young pitchers Banuelos or Betances. Maybe not even Noesi or Brackman. It's been so long since the Yankees had any respectable young pitching (Phil Hughes and Joba don't count) that they can't panic and dump them into a deal for a position player.

The bottom line is that the Yankees can't win consistently with Jeter playing everyday, hitting leadoff or second. The Mets are incompetent and desperate and if the Yankees can grab Reyes, they absolutely should. Jeter is going to have to face his Posada-esque revelation sooner or later. Might as well be sooner.