The Red Herring Exposed - A Clue Analysis (Part 12, The End)

Loose Thread #3, The Beatnik Preacher/Police Chief

Much like how your local police department is a small potatoes version of the FBI, the Beatnik Chief's appearance is a small potatoes version of the J. Edgar Hoover call.

What we are told: The Beatnik shows up somewhere in the second half of the movie, during Wadsworth's manic explanation of events, as a door to door evangelist. He is warning the group, specifically Mrs. Peacock, that Armageddon is at hand, that their souls are in danger and that now is the time to repent. He has a flyer that he is trying to show them. Peacock slams the door in his face.

What we find out: That the Beatnik is in fact the chief of police. He only comes back into the movie once Green shoots Wadsworth and opens the door to let the cops in. He asks "Whodunnit?" Green tells him they all did and the movie ends. Quite anticlimactic.

From a logic and storytelling point of view, the Beatnik visit serves no logical purpose. The only reason I can think of as to why the Chief of police, of all people, would do that is to theoretically tell the undercover Green that the local police were on the scene and ready to spring when notified. The whole stuff about Armageddon and Repenting could have been various kinds of code to get a message of some kind to Green.

But why on earth would that be necessary? This movie takes place in the 50's, there was no high tech surveillance going on. There would be nothing to prevent the cops from hiding in the woods around the house to stage the arrest. They should have just told Green they would be there and to act accordingly. To that extent, Green does nothing different really once the Beatnik appears. Its just a fun interlude. Furthering the logic problem is how Wadsworth reacts, or doesn't, in this case. Again, everybody in the movie is either an informant, a blackmailer or a victim, carefully invited by Wadsworth to execute his plan. The house was chosen because it was so in the middle of nowhere that Wadsworth believes he can kill a bunch of people, stack them in the basement and then leave quietly one at a time, without getting caught. The implication of an utter stranger appearing at the door to do some bible thumping should have sent off a million alarms in Wadsworth's head. But like the Hoover call, it seems to have no impact on Wadsworth or his plan.

What I think this actually is though, is a scene that was only in there to help facilitate a fake ending. In the real ending Green lets the cops in to arrest everybody but ending #2, the Peacock ending, is different. In the Peacock ending the Beatnik appears and leaves as before but after that Wadsworth solves the crime and exposes Peacock as the murderer. They sing "For She's a Jolly Good Fellow" and Peacock leaves. At this point, the Beatnik has his big scene where he strolls out of the bushes, hits his catchphrase, "Oh Mrs. Peacock, the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!" he drops the flyer, pulls the gun, the spotlights flood on and Peacock gets arrested! Beatnik does a Doc Holliday gun spin into the holster and informs Watson that they got her. Very exciting stuff indeed.

Even in this fake ending it makes even less sense that he would ring the bell as Wadsworth had complete control over the house and surrounding yard, he could have let the cops hide hours or days before the guests got there so there would be no reason for the Chief to get him a message. Oh well, I think the writers just decided that the movie needed more things to happen and for some other people to show up, no harm, no foul.

A final point about the Beatnik Cop. He looks nothing like a beatnik, anti-materialistic, bongo drumming hippie that I think of when I hear Beatnik. In fact, he looks exactly like the Chief of Police. I have no idea why Peacock calls him a beatnik. He was offering a kind of hellfire preaching, warning of God's Wrath as described in the Book of Revelations. Peacock must be hard core if she considers that Beatnik.

And finally, the local cops are useless. Numerous people get killed while they were standing around, having the boss call in to ruin things and knocking on the door to make sure people are suspicious. Maybe they could argue that they couldn't see what was happening inside but they let the poor Singing Telegram girl walk right up to the door and get shot. And then did nada. Just an observation.

The Karen of Sports

We've all seen the videos of Karens' on the internet. The details vary from person to person but the basic structure is usually someone who enjoys a fairly spoiled life absolutely melting down because someone else dared to try and exist in the same world as them without showing the proper amount of respect or deference. Some of the videos are racist, sometimes sexist, frequently classist and always a display of unhinged narcissistic lunacy.

And while most of the videos online are of middle aged white women melting down like Nancy Pelosi if she doesn't have her breakfast gin, sadly we all know from life experience that the Karen behavior transcends race or nationality.

It occurred to me while watching the World Cup that soccer is essentially the Karen of sports and that's why its so insufferable.

Sure soccer just as a sport is boring and pointless but its honestly no worse than baseball most of the time, cricket or hockey before the rule change. So why does soccer strike me as kind of unseemly?

It's because the players are all exactly like your neighborhood Karen. Soccer players are some of the most skilled, in shape athletes in the world yet when anyone else dares to try and compete with them they fall down, start screaming and throwing a temper tantrum until the referee comes over and shows them the proper amount of attention. The whole game has to stop for as long as it takes to calm these man-boys down. 

And much like society with the over-privileged women shrieking in the park, soccer enables and encourages this behavior. The tantrums, the screaming, the pouting; its all fake. They know its fake, the other team knows its fake, the referees know its fake, the announcers know its fake but what happens? Do these insufferable crybabies get reprimanded? Nope! The other team gets a foul, the baby gets their bottle and the game goes on, at least until another impotent narcissist gets offended, then we get to stop to watch another one-boy play about imaginary suffering. Watch any Ronaldo game where he doesn't get his way all the time for an example.

And the refs are just as bad in their own way. They clearly get intimidated by the more famous players and teams, so they take it out on the less imposing opposition. Imaginary fouls, quick or slow cards depending on who it is and of course, their maniacal manipulation of the clock. You would think even in the bizarre world of soccer and extra time; which is only necessary because the sport caters to mentally weak crybabies; that when the time ended, the game ended. But no. Even that arbitrary end of the game can be further extended or shortened, by the discretion of the referee. Based on what criteria? Basically if the referee feels like you're trying hard enough to score you can get extra time. But only if he deems you worthy. Its absurd. I saw numerous games in the knockout stage where some poor team is trying to stave off nine minutes of stoppage time for 20 minutes because the ref apparently wasn't impressed with their effort in clearing the zone.

Its a joke. Society has rightfully decided that the best course of action in dealing with these unhinged, middle aged infants is to publicly shame them. We should do the same with soccer. Try and reinstall a little dignity back into society. If Karens and Renaldos are going to be blessed with skills and opportunities the rest of the people could only dream about, they could at least act like they earned and deserve them.