The Red Herring Exposed - A Clue Analysis (PART 4)

THE THIRD MURDER - MR. BODDY REDUX

The Situation:
The successful attempt on Mr. Boddy occurs when the group runs to the kitchen to check on the Cook. At this point the Cook is already dead, stabbed by Mrs. Peacock, but the group doesn't know it yet. They only think to check on her after returning to the study and discussing who is in the house and what could possibly be going on.

The Murder:
It's at this point in the movie where the multiple endings and edits starts to cause trouble with the on-screen logic of these murders. It's important to remember just how the three endings are presented. The first fake ending (Scarlett ending) shows every killing, start to finish. The Second fake ending and the Third True ending don't rehash the the murder of Mr. Boddy or the Cook, they simply start with the series of murders that commenced with the Stranded Motorist. The problem though is that the stated explanation for this murder doesn't match up with the film.

There are three scenarios presented as to who killed Mr. Boddy the second time. In the first ending it was Yvette, who hid in the study, waited for the group to leave, then killed Mr. Boddy as he tried to escape. The second ending shows Mrs. Peacock going from the kitchen to the study via secret passage in the commotion surrounding the cooks death to finish off Mr. Boddy. The supposed true ending though only states that Prof. Plum did the killing without showing it. The only clue as to how he did it is when someone else exclaims that Plum "Wasn't in the kitchen when the cook was found!" This is the smoking gun that implicates Prof. Plum and he readily admits that he did it after Wadsworth exposes himself as the real Mr. Boddy. "Then who did I kill? My butler. Aw shucks!"

The video we are shown though supports all three versions of the killing and by doing so, undercuts them all. When the gang runs to the kitchen, Yvette does not go with them. She never appears in the kitchen and no mention of her is ever made. Presumably she is sitting in the study with the faking death Mr. Boddy the entire time. Yet we know she didn't do the killing. Professor Plum and Mrs. Peacock on the other hand, do run with the group to the kitchen. When the group is looking for the cook, who is about to fall out of the freezer, Plum and Peacock are clearly behind Wadsworth, fully in the kitchen looking around for the cook. Oddly enough, once the dead cook falls, Plum and Peacock disappear from the scene. They have no lines during the whole thing, they simply vanish. That is, until Wadsworth declares that they should bring the cook to the study to keep the kitchen tidy, then Plum and Peacock reappear to the scene, behind Wadsworth again where they were at the beginning of the scene. This positioning is problematic. We are presented with two possible ways the killer was able to get the drop on Mr. Boddy the second time. The first one is that someone stayed in the study, hid, and killed Boddy when he got up. The second is that someone used the secret passage when everyone had their backs to the freezer when the cook fell. This is a problem though because we can see that angle for the duration of the cook falling scene. Plum and Peacock never go near the freezer and therefore couldn't have used the secret passage. Its conceivable that Prof. Plum simply backed out of the kitchen, as he was close to the door in the shots where we can see him, and ran back to the study to kill Mr. Boddy. The problem with that scenario, and really the secret passage scenario as well, is that if Plum returned to the study either way, he would've found Yvette there waiting in the study. Are we really to believe that Prof. Plum would've murdered Mr. Boddy right in front of Yvette? We know from the rest of the movie the Yvette was eventually murdered by Ms. White and that Prof. Plum had no interaction with Yvette during the movie. Had Plum killed Mr. Boddy and then attacked Yvette to remove a witness, that might make some sense but Plum doesn't even try to kill the Singing Telegram Girl, who is informing on him, so it seems unlikely that he would kill in front of witnesses with the idea that he could just kill that person later.

Conclusion:
As presented, this murder doesn't make sense. Prof. Plum simply could not have killed Mr. Boddy at that time in the manner explained. He was in the kitchen with the rest of the group, didn't use the secret passage and there was a witness in the study anyway. I suspect that when editing this movie, there was three shots of the scene where the Cook was found dead. One where each of the three proposed killers (Yvette, Peacock and Plum) was missing. The problem is that they showed us the "Yvette was missing" ending in the first fake ending but then didn't ever show us the scene where Plum was missing from (and Yvette and Peacock were present in) the kitchen. Without showing us that scene they're simply too many killers in the study when the murder happens and it can't be reconciled. A bad edit as opposed to a a bad plot though.

Up Next:
After Mr. Boddy is really killed, we enter into the logic stretching string of informant murders that begins with Murder #4 - the Stranded Motorist. We again have to delve into the murky waters of character motivation and behavior.

Recap:
Wadsworth: 0 murders
Peacock: 1 murder
Green: 0 murders
White: 0 murders
Mustard: 0 murders
Scarlett: 0 murders
Plum: 1 murder

Mr. Boddy: dead
The Cook: dead
Yvette: alive
Stranded Motorist: not arrived
Off Duty Cop: not arrived
Singing Telegram Girl: not arrived

The Red Herring Exposed - A Clue Analysis (PART 3)

THE SECOND MURDER - THE COOK

The Situation:
The series of events that lead to the murder of the cook begin towards the end of the hijinks following the supposed death of Mr. Boddy in murder #1. The investigation into what killed Mr. Boddy eventually focused on the cognac and the possibility that it was poisoned. Mrs. Peacock, hysterical from fear due to her also drinking the cognac, begins screaming and is laid out by Mr. Green. Yvette then begins to scream in the billiard room, having perhaps drunk the poison cognac she learned about listening to and recording the conversation in the study.

The Murder:
When Yvette begins to scream the full cast races out of the study and into the billiards room where Yvette is. Mrs. Peacock is the last person to leave the study and has disappeared by the time the gang arrives at the billiard room. When the gang returns with to the study with Yvette, Mrs. Peacock is back with the group and is actually the first one to return to the study. To have enough time to commit the murder Mrs. Peacock must have already grabbed the knife when the whole gang left the study to go to Yvette. She then continued on to the kitchen while the main group was knocking on the billiard room door and stabbed the cook and stuffed her in the freezer. She must have been moving quick though. We get the explanation that the reason nobody heard the cook scream was that Yvettes screaming covered it up. Yvette quit screaming though pretty much as soon as the group got there and we actually see Mrs. Peacock slide behind everyone as they approach the billiard room door so there isn't much time to get further down the hall and do some stabbing. Once the killing was done though, Peacock would have plenty of time to get back to the group because they spent quite a bit of time in the billiard room talking to Yvette. The first ending suggests that the killer returned to the study using the secret passage but there is no evidence of that and there was also no need. Once the murder was over she could just get back to the group, there was time for that. We also see what appears to be Mrs. Peacock entering the study at the front of the group coming in, not already there having gone through the secret passage.

Conclusion:
This murder is actually wrapped up pretty nicely. The cook has almost no speaking lines or memorable actions in the entire film so we don't have to worry about the issue of character motivation that is going to plague so many of the other minor characters. The only questionable issue is whether or not it's believable that Mrs. Peacock could have committed the murder quickly enough to mask the screams but we don't actually have any evidence the cook did any screaming so ultimately, who cares. Mrs. Peacock's reasoning and calculations are spot on though. To the best of her knowledge, Mr. Boddy has just been murdered by one of the other guests. She correctly realizes that the Cook is the last one left that can affirmatively incriminate her for taking bribes. The other guests and Wadsworth know about it of course but they only have hearsay knowledge so that isn't much of a threat. They also have their own secrets and problems being implicated in the murder of Mr. Boddy and the Cook, so exposing Peacocks secrets probably aren't high on their list of priorities. Had Mr. Boddy actually been Mr. Boddy, Mrs. Peacock could've solved all her problems in the first 30 minutes of the movie.

This is another example of dumb luck for Wadsworth. He did nothing to instigate the actions that led to the cooks death. The fortuitous murder was simply the result of Mrs. Peacock being a murderer and the coincidence that she happened to be drinking cognac when Professor Plum opined that the death of Mr. Boddy could be poison by cognac. Without both things happening simultaneously with the covering noise of Yvette screaming and its difficult to see Mrs. Peacock getting a chance to murder The Cook, a woman quite a bit younger and more physically imposing than our Senators wife. We are now up to 2 murders that were executed simply because Wadsworth apparently has a galaxy level brain understanding of the true nature of his guests and their morals. It should be noted though that as the group went to see Yvette, Wadsworth was the last one to reach the billiards room, aside from Mrs. Peacock. When Peacock actually slides past the group to continue on to the kitchen, she actually brushes past Wadsworth who kind of glances around before going into the billiard room. It's entirely probably that Wadsworth knew at the time what exactly was going on.

The only interesting thing to consider here is whether or not Yvette screaming was an intentional distraction ordered by Wadsworth. She doesn't seem to react to the commotion surrounding the gunshot attempt on Mr. Boddy but does for the possibly poisoned cognac? We do see her drinking the cognac at one point but we also see her serve all of the cognac being drunk at the time. If Mr. Boddy had been poisoned either she would have been the one to do it or the poison would have been added to his drink after it had been served. There's no real way Yvette could have been affected by a poisoned bottle of cognac since she was in more control of it than anyone. Additionally, she seemed to be drinking the cognac from the billiards room, not the study. Either way, if Wadsworth told her to scream to create chaos and some kind of opening for Mr. Boddy to escape and/or give someone else an opportunity to kill, he didn't take it and it was only dumb luck that another guest decided to kill someone. Neither scenario makes much sense but the whole screaming episode allowed there to be a time gap for somebody to commit a murder, to keep the plot moving, and it reminded all of us that Yvette was in the movie and was going to become a more major character than the cook or Mr. Boddy.

Up Next:
Murder #3, the actual murder of Mr. Boddy which happens nearly simultaneously with the murder of The Cook. This is also where the editing or the plotting starts to get off the rails a little bit.

Recap:
Wadsworth: 0 murders
Peacock: 1 murder
Green: 0 murders
White: 0 murders
Mustard: 0 murders
Scarlett: 0 murders
Plum: 1 attempted murder

Mr. Boddy: faking death
The Cook: dead
Yvette: alive
Stranded Motorist: not arrived
Off Duty Cop: not arrived
Singing Telegram Girl: not arrived

The Red Herring Exposed - A Clue Analysis (PART 2)

THE FIRST MURDER - MR. BODDY

The Situation:
The first murder is the one most under the control of Wadsworth, aside from the Singing Telegram Girl. The guests have all come to the house and the tension is rising as they start to interact with each other, some recognizing each other, some just nervous to be there. All the while Wadsworth hides the details of the dinners supposed mystery host until after dinner. During that dinner, where everyone realizes that they have much in common, Mr. Boddy finally arrives, suitcase in hand. He is immediately presented as a scumbag and set apart from the other guests. At this point the audience is forced to assume that Wadsworth and the game pieces are the "heroes" of the movie with Mr. Boddy the "villain" whose murder will set off the mystery of the movie.

At this point it is important to remember that Mr. Boddy is actually just a butler, playing a role given to him by Wadsworth. We have no reason to believe that Mr. Boddy is informing on anyone at the gathering or that he is deserving in any way. After watching the movie we can only assume that Wadsworth wants him gone for unstated reasons.

The real question is why does Mr. Boddy continue to participate? Once the group returns to the study, Wadsworth identifies Mr. Boddy as the blackmailer. Mr. Boddy helpfully informs the audience that "This is a hoax!" but sadly for him, the other guests attack him, believing Mr. Boddy to be their blackmailer. Once the commotion has died down, Mr. Boddy produces the various weapons and tries to get the guests to kill Wadsworth for orchestrating the nights events. We can only assume again that these actions by Mr. Boddy were part of the role given to him by Wadsworth. However, Mr. Boddy was just attacked by the guests. Under what logic could Mr. Boddy be operating under where he assumes that giving the people who just attacked him deadly weapons will somehow turn out alright for him? A reasonable person, knowing Wadsworth to be the real villain, should have assumed by now that Wadsworth was setting them up for a fall. Wadsworth even ups the tension by announcing that the police are coming yet Mr. Boddy continues playing his part, hands out the weapons and turns off the light. Perhaps Mr. Boddy expected something else to happen with the lights off but its difficult to imagine what Wadsworth could have told him the plan was that would have left Mr. Boddy so outwardly confident.

The Murder:
The murder, or should I say attempted murder, happens when the lights go out. There is some rustling, a deep gasp and a gunshot. When the lights come back on. Mr. Boddy is on the ground. Professor Plum declares him dead from unknown causes as the bullet missed its target.

We know now that Professor Plum did indeed try to shoot Mr. Boddy in an attempt to end the blackmail. Arguably this makes Plum the most scrupulous person in the movie aside from Mr. Green. While the others killed for personal vendettas, Plum tried to kill the villain. I guess that makes him the hero?

At this point though we have to wonder why Prof. Plum declared him dead. Was it simply so that he could ensure that he could have another shot at him later? Seems unlikely to assume that could occur. The shot was fired in the dark, Prof. Plum could have announced that Mr. Boddy was faking death (I assume the gasp was a deep breath by Mr. Boddy so he could hold his breath to fake death) and feigned ignorance of the shot. Pure incompetence is the reason given as to why Prof. Plum mistakenly thought him dead but that doesn't make any sense.

At this point Wadsworth has actually lost control of the narrative. When the lights go off, Wadsworth himself apparently does nothing. In that situation someone could easily have killed Wadsworth for knowing too many secrets. They could also kill Mr. Boddy for blackmailing them, or, like sensible people, nobody could have done anything since most people don't murder. The only thing I can think of that explains both Wadsworth's inaction and Mr. Boddy's continuing willingness to play the role of the target/villain, is that the plan from the start was for Mr. Boddy to fake his death and then try to sneak out when Yvette starts screaming, presumably in on the plan. This would get the murder ball rolling for the night and allow Mr. Boddy to escape into the night, or into some dark corner of the mansion. Otherwise, Mr. Boddy would have to know he was marked for death and would have schemed like hell to escape. There is no evidence to suggest he did though and as we will see in Murder #3, Yvette's future actions cast doubt on this possibility.

Conclusion:
The first murder of the movie was ultimately a failure. Wadsworth's plan is fairly sound. Misidentify the blackmailer, raise tension with the threat of police intervention, provide ample weapons and then provide the opportunity. The whole plan falls apart though when you try and identify one compelling reason the butler acting as Mr. Boddy would continue to play along in the role when it was becoming crystal clear that he would ultimately be the victim. Knowing he was being groomed as the target, and after surviving an attack by the guests already, Mr. Boddy injects the idea of murder into the guests minds by trying to get them to kill Wadsworth for no reason, provides them with numerous weapons and then himself turns the lights off to give everyone a nice blanket of deniability for the impending murder. While entertaining, this scenario makes no sense upon further review.

Up Next:
This murder scene ends when Yvette begins screaming in the lounge. The guests leave Mr. Boddy on the floor and leave the study. The conversation with Yvette leads into Murder #2, The Cook.

Recap:
Wadsworth: 0 murders
Peacock: 0 murder
Green: 0 murders
White: 0 murders
Mustard: 0 murders
Scarlett: 0 murders
Plum: 1 attempted murder

Mr. Boddy: dead
The Cook: alive
Yvette: alive
Stranded Motorist: not arrived
Off Duty Cop: not arrived
Singing Telegram Girl: not arrived

The Red Herring Exposed - A Clue Analysis (PART 1)

Clue, the movie, is going to turn 35 years old next year. Aside from making me feel incredibly old, its also been on a couple of the free streaming services lately (Kanopy and IMDB Tv, I believe) so I've been watching it in the background while I was doing other things. While thoroughly enjoyable, upon rewatching it, I'm not completely sure that the third ending, supposedly the real one, makes any sense. Therefore I will watch it again from the beginning with that ending in mind to see how it holds up. Part one: the characters and scheme, as revealed in the final ending.

THE MASTERMIND:
Wadsworth: The true villain of the movie hiding out as the butler of Hill House. Claims to be another one of Mr. Boddy's victims but is in reality Mr. Boddy himself.

THE GAME CHARACTERS:
Col. Mustard: A soldier being blackmailed by Mr. Boddy for his illegal war profiteering; selling american military radio parts on the black market. This movie takes place in 1954 so presumably Col. Mustard was stealing/selling parts during WW2 and not Korea. Also a patron of Ms. Scarletts brothel.

Ms. Scarlett: Being blackmailed for running a brothel in Washington D.C. Employed Yvette at some point.

Professor Plum: Psychiatrist being blackmailed for having sexual relationships with his female patients. Works for the U.N.

Mrs. White: Being blackmailed for the suspicious murder of her husband. Suspected of cutting off his head and member. Husband had an affair with Yvette.

Mrs. Peacock: Being blackmailed for taking bribes on behalf of her Senator husband in exchange for votes in Congress.

THE MOLE:
Mr. Green: Undercover FBI agent posing as a closeted gay man who is being blackmailed by Mr. Boddy so he won't be fired from the State Department. On a mission to bring down Mr. Boddy.

THE VICTIMS:
Mr. Boddy: Presented as the main villain but is in reality the real Mr. Boddy's (Wadsworth) butler. Was twice killed by Professor Plum. Importantly, Mr. Boddy did not appear to be informing on anyone. A must see for fans of Fear or just Lee Ving in general.

The Cook: The cook was killed by Mrs. Peacock for informing on her accepting bribes.

The Stranded Motorist: Killed by Col. Mustard for informing on his war profiteering.

Yvette: Killed by Mrs. White for having an affair with her late husband. Also Colleen Camp doing some outstanding accent work. Except for when she forgets.

The Policeman: Killed by Mrs. Scarlett for informing on her brothel.

The Singing Telegram Girl: Killed by Wadsworth for . . . . . . reasons. Presumably to tie up loose ends. Small but memorable role the Go-Go's Jane Wiedlin. See PLAN below.

THE PLAN:
The first sign of trouble comes early in the review. What exactly was Wadsworths ultimate plan and how exactly did he think it would go down? Taking the dialogue at face value we can see the broad stroke outline of the plan. Basically, Wadsworth has been blackmailing the guests for so long that they have all run out of money. As blackmail has no use if the victims are broke, Wadsworth's plan is twofold. Get the guests to become his new team of informants using the information they gain due to their positions in government jobs. Second, get the guests to kill off his current team of informants, as they are no longer useful and can only be used against him. This explanation is actually given during the "A" ending and is attributed to Ms. Scarlett but I think it's also Wadsworth's plan. At the end of the movie Wadsworth comments that he is going to continue the blackmail but all his informers are dead and all the proof against the game pieces was burned in the fire. All Wadsworth has left to blackmail them with is the murders he was involved in as well and all they have to give him is information they get from their jobs.

I think that makes sense though. Wadworth wants to keep in the blackmail game but he wants his current informants gone and he wants the current victims to become the new informants. Easy. How he intends to do that however is suspiciously lacking in details. As we will see when we examine all the murders; Wadsworths has no real control over the outcome. He himself kills nobody until the very last victim and that action seems odd in the context. His goal up until then seemed to be to get everyone else to do the killing so his hands would be clean. The only proactive thing Wadsworth did to provoke the nights activities were to call dinner, invite the guests and provide weapons. For the first 2/3 of the movie, Wadsworth is preaching a non-violent end to the confrontation with Mr. Boddy. The calculation seems to be that just by creating a scenario with the stress of victims confronting their abuser combined with weapons and the threat of time running out (45 minutes until the police arrive) is enough to provoke a violent outcome. Not just violence but a specific set of violent actions. Col. Mustard, Mrs. Peacock and Ms. Scarlett all killed the people informing on them so maybe that was foreseeable but Ms. White killed for personal reasons; Prof. Plum only tried to kill Mr. Boddy in an attempt to end the blackmail and nobody was in a position to kill the Singing Telegram Girl at all. Predicting that outcome is a real stretch.

Which brings us to the tricky problem of the gay, bumbling FBI agent Mr. Green. At the end of the movie Wadsworth reveals that he knew Mr. Green was there to expose him as the real Mr. Boddy. While that reveal gives Col. Mustard an opportunity to use the "Please, there are ladies present!" line, it also confuses Wadsworths plan. There are two scenarios, both of them not really plausible. The first one is that Wadsworth knew the entire time that Green was there to bust him. If thats so, then why allow Green to live through the entire plan?  Had Wadsworth not killed the Singing Telegram Girl and admitted his whole plan, Mr. Green would've had little to work with. Unless Green had prior knowledge of Mr. Boddys true identity, Wadsworth might have just gotten away with it. In this scenario, its difficult to see why Green was invited at all. None of the people involved was informing on Green, assuming there was a real Mr. Green, State Department employee being blackmailed. The second scenario is that Wadsworth didn't know Green was undercover until J. Edgar Hoover inexplicably called the house. At that point the Motorist and Cop have already entered the scene which complicates things but again Wadsworth has done nothing wrong up to that point. Other people have done all the killing, the blackmail evidence has been burned in the fire, and the most useful witnesses against him are being killed of according to plan. Why kill the Telegram Girl and admit to the plan? Very odd indeed. If his plan was to then gun down Mr. Green, why go through the trouble of getting other people to kill the Cook, Yvette, Butler, Motorist and Cop? Killing seven people isn't that much worse legally than killing two, especially if one was a federal agent. It's possible that Wadsworth simply lost his nerve at the end of plan that was being executed to well to be believed. To believe this scenario you would also have to believe that Mr. Green has been undercover, Donnie Brasco style for years, being blackmailed by Mr. Boddy. Otherwise Wadsworth wouldn't have invited him or Wadsworth would've known that the Mr. Green that showed up wasn't the person he had been blackmailing.

OTHER CAST:
The Police Chief-Evangelist: Working with Mr. Green to take down Mr. Boddy. Played by DJ Dr. Johnny Fever from WKRP in Cincinnati.

UP NEXT IN PART 2:
We shall begin to examine the murders to see if the proposed solution makes sense.

52nd Academy Awards

It occurred to me recently that, as much as I love movies, I know almost nothing about the Academy Awards. Every year I haven't seen most of the movies, people seem upset at who wins and I continuing not giving a shit.

This seems like a gap in my knowledge base so I've decided to go back and review the Best Picture category for every year since I was born to see what can be learned, based on what I've seen, what I've heard and what I can learn on YouTube in less than 8 minutes.

Up first, the 52nd Academy Awards. April 14, 1980.

Nominees:
Norma Rae - I've only ever heard of this movie as the punchline to jokes about Sally Field and as a reference point for quiver lipped platitudes about labor unions. The trailer is terrible. It looks like the fever dream campaign ad for some low level Democratic House member from the rust belt. Pretty hunky Beau Bridges though, until he punches Sally Field that is.

All that Jazz - Never heard of it in any context. The trailer starts off like hot garbage but somehow morphs into the guy from Jaws in some weird combo of Staying Alive, Perfect and Chicago. I may have to see this one.

Apocalypse Now - I love this movie. I'll even watch the 11 hour version where they go the french plantation house to ruminate on life for no discernible reason.

Breaking Away - I knew this was the cycling movie but that's about it. I didn't realize it was a comedy and D-Quaid, Daniel Stern and Jack Earl Haley were in it. Its like Revenge of the Nerds, except the nerds are just slightly lower class white guys. The main group seem like what the four kids from Stand By Me would've turned into if they hadn't gone looking for corpses and instead just took up sports. Slightly intrigued. Is this the last comedy nominated for Best Picture, outside of Forrest Gump? As a bonus, the whole thing is on YouTube for free.

Kramer v. Kramer - Wow, what a garbage trailer. I knew this was a legal procedural movie but I thought it was about a wrongful death or something like that. This thing looks super depressing and boring as all hell. Its also amazing that they've really been making this kind of empowered woman rises up against husband movie continually since 1979. I don't know what ends up happening with the kid but I bet it takes four hours to find out. It's probably better than it seems just because of Hoffman and Streep but I can't imagine what set of circumstances would have to occur for me to watch this.

The Outcome:
Of course Kramer v. Kramer wins. It hits all the same award bait tones that a movie like Crash does. The same thinking that makes Citizen Kane the best movie ever makes Kramer the best movie this year. It good to know that the Academy has been consistent over the years. Apocalypse Now though is the clear lasting presence and deserved winner just based on cultural relevancy alone. I'm a little surprised that Norma Rae and Kramer didn't split the left wing vote and clear the path for Apocalypse. Pretty good diversity of films too with a comedy and a weird jazz musical getting nominated. Pretty good start.

Extra Fun Fact: Wow, the movie that killed nuclear power in the U.S., the China Syndrome, also came out this year? I haven't seen this movie either but its so beloved by Hollywood left wingers that I'm shocked it wasn't nominated for Best Picture. It must be awful. Can you imagine a year that could've had Norma Rae, Kramer v. Kramer and the China Syndrome all nominated for Best Pic at the same time? It's like the Pantheon of virtue signaling.

(Franics Ford Coppola, 5 hours into a screening of Kramer v. Kramer)

A Long Simmering Take

After 21 years its finally time to discuss the 1997 semi-cult flick, Event Horizon, a really good awful horror movie. Specifically the timeline.

It's important to remember that this came out in 1997. On to the timeline.

2015 - Permanent colony established on the Moon: Really movie? You only allowed for 18 years to pass before a full moon colony? I don't understand why movies do this. I think one of the Escape From _____'s had a similar problem with the calendar. In that case it was how quickly can things get so bad. In this case it was wildly optimistic. We don't even have a space shuttle 3 years past the time of colonization. Why not make it 2115 and remove all question?

2032 - Commercial mining begins on Mars: Are you shitting me? Not only did it only take us just 17 years from moon colony to reaching Mars, commercial drilling was ready to go? You can't build an in-ground pool in California without 5 to 10 years of environmental impact studies and bureaucratic palm greasing but private companies are being allowed to drill Mars in 2032? No way. The NASA egg-heads would want to study it for years, then the military would want to poke around, testing laser cannons and photon torpedoes for a while before anyone else set up shop. No way a private company is getting the proper permits and environmental clearance to drill on Mars before 3105.

2040 - Deep space vessel Event Horizon sent to explore boundaries of Solar System; disappears beyond Neptune, the worst space disaster on record: If the first 2 entries on the timeline were wildly ambitious, we now seem to be slamming on the brakes for some reason. In some respects, our probes have already done a pretty good job of mapping the edges of the solar system. I recall getting some pretty cool pictures of Pluto by a probe that is now somewhere outside the solar system. Besides, they already have mining companies set up on Mars. Why is it that 8 years later the edge of the solar system is still uncharted territory? I also don't buy for a second that a ship simply disappearing, with no explosion or video, is the worst disaster in space history. The Event Horizon, and the Lewis & Clark incidentally, seem to be fully staffed by 9 people. The Challenger explosion killed 7 people and it was broadcast on live TV. That was worse. Also, there is no chance they constructed a moon colony and a Mars drilling outpost without some major disasters. Qatar can't host a World Cup without killing a thousand or so workers. This is bullshit.

2040 - January 23rd - The Event Horizon broadcasts its blood orgy video: Presumably that means they went to the Chaos Dimension (CD) and came back? I assume they can't broadcast from the CD and people don't seem like they live long in the CD. Who knows, maybe it was just rendering for years waiting for the ship to come back out of the black hole.

2046 - The Event Horizon is discovered in low orbit around Neptune, right where it disappeared: Fine. It is interesting to note that the ship was in a degrading orbit. Meaning that if nobody responded to the rescue beacon the ship would've slowly been sucked into Neptune and crashed. Not a great plan malevolent devil ship.

2047 - The Lewis & Clark is sent to investigate and salvage the Event Horizon: Ok, this is odd to me. In 2040 the Event Horizon is sent out to explore the outer solar system, presumably Neptune, Pluto and on to Proxima Centauri. They make it seem like this is a monumental undertaking that requires the special ship, with the magic drive and that it would be impossible to do without Dr. Weirs black hole drive. All well and good. But only 6 years later when they find the ship around Neptune, it only takes them approximately a year to put together a rescue mission that frankly seems boring and mundane. The crew isn't pissed because its dangerous or uncharted territory, they are mad that their day passes were revoked. And they were able to use what seemed like a normal ship and normal stasis to get from Earth to Neptune in just 56 days. How is it possible that in 6 years technology went from "If we don't have the black hole drive we can't go" to "call an Uber to go poke around and see if those jamokes are still alive." Actually, if space travel has advanced that far, why rescue the Event Horizon at all? They don't seem to need it, it was embarrassing for NASA, just let Neptune disappear it and be done with it.

Other Issues:
The Evil Ship - How powerful is the Sentient Event Horizon? Dr. Weir falls under its spell and hallucinates immediately upon awakening from stasis. We don't how far it was then but as they approach the Event Horizon the first distance they call our is 5,000 meters. Thats over 3 miles. Pretty powerful. But trickery seems to be the only real power it has. All of the torment was done by the crew responding to hallucinations and hurting themselves, or by a brainwashed Dr. Weir doing the work for it. The ship itself doesn't seem to be able to hurt people. The exception is Baby Bear who gets sucked into the CD when the ship opens the gate by itself. It does this a couple times. It doesn't seem to be able to actually power the ship through the gate though and needs a crew. Oddly disparate power levels.

The Stupid People - Once the true nature of this Event Horizon is discovered and the Lewis & Clark destroyed, the plan is for all survivors to move onto the deck of the Event Horizon, blow up the bridge between the deck and the engine core, and use the deck as a life raft by going into stasis. Great. The only problem is that as soon as they find the Event Horizon, they run a scan for lifeforms and are informed that the entire ship is showing traces of life. At the time it seemed like a malfunction but once you knew the ship itself was possessed, why would you think escaping to the deck would matter? All escaping on the deck does is remove you from the Chaos Dimension. A worthy goal but the ship you're on, in the middle of nowhere, is still a raging demon trying to drive you crazy.

The Chaos Dimension - Yeah. How does this work exactly? If we are to believe the movie, the CD is a place that just drives people instantly insane and violent. We certainly see this with the original crew of the Event Horizon. The blood orgy was pretty horrifically gross and violent but it also seemed to impact everyone equally. Everyone was participating in the mayhem, gleefully it seemed. From the glimpses we saw that kind of violence would've killed everyone there in no more than half an hour. Even if the CD kind of supernaturally keeps you going, the point of it is to kill you, how long can you live ripping each other apart? Even enhanced by the CD it can't be more than an hour. Which brings us to the visions of the Lewis & Clark in the CD. Nobody but Weir seems impacted by the evil ship. Only Weir becomes violent. In the vision of the CD, all the L&C crew appear to be getting tortured against their will, in contrast to the willing participants of the Event Horizon. Why does it effect everyone differently? For that matter, why is the CD so full of people? We know why these 7 were there but there seemed to be infinite people being tortured. Where did they all come from? There is almost an conscious effort by the movie to say this isn't some kind of religious hell so they aren't damned souls but just regular people who are there. And at the rate the madness kills people, the influx of new bodies must be consistently high to keep that level of activity going. More realistically it seems like everyone in the whole dimension would be killed off in short order. Also, for a dimension that apparently causes instant madness, they must have quite a few people who perform carpentry and iron work during their blood frenzy. There was an awful lot of barbed wire and specifically designed torture devices made of wood and steel for a completely chaotic realm. I hope the psychos tradesmen have a decent union.

Finally,
Who Was Actually Dead? - At the end of the movie Laurence Fishburne is forced to look into the CD by Weir. He sees the Lewis & Clark crew all getting tortured and he says "They're not dead! They're not dead!" to which the evil Dr. Weir reply's "No, not yet. They're not your crew anymore. They belong to the ship and you are all coming with me!" This seems to indicate that Weir believes that all of the L&C crew will be going to the CD and furthermore that ship needs them alive to man the ship and drive it back into the CD. As we saw before, the ship can't do it alone. Yet we very definitely saw the Dr., lady with the wheelchair bound kid, the mechanic and Weir die by vivisection, falling down the tube, blowing up in the L&C and self mutilation/being shot into space/decompression. Furthermore we see blonde crew member, Cooper and the very injured Baby Bear very much alive on the deck of the Event Horizon. Yet all were in the vision of the CD. So were all the dead people really killed or was that some distortion/hallucination by the ship? Can the ship steal souls and bring them back into the CD along with the living? Or was it just Weir trying to torture Laurence Fishburne and break him down as they entered the CD? I suspect its more just torture for Fishburne but it reeks of a scene that was really choppily edited. Why make it a point to say that people who are clearly dead are really alive and coming to hell? An empty threat if we believe the CD has no religious undertones.

Sequel? - The movie didn't really end, it just split up into 2 halves of a sequel. On one side you have Weir, Fishburne, Peters, Dr. Issac and the black hole drive being sucked into the Chaos Dimension. On the other hand you have Starck, Cooper and Baby Bear trapped on the life raft that is possessed by the Chaos Spirit and that after the rescue is probably being towed back to Earth. I don't know how you link that to the Chaos Dimension but if Ant Man can spend lots of time in the Quantum Universe anything is possible.

The Winner? - Who won the movie? Easy. Smith the mechanic. He never really saw any hallucinations and he was killed by the Lewis & Clark explosion, outside of both the core drive section of the Event Horizon and the Deck Escape Raft section. No way he got sucked into the CD and he doesn't have to deal with an evil ship going back to Earth. Good work Smitty!

(nice job Smitty! Bad news Miller . . . . . .)

Orlando Magic Draft Preview

It's NBA Draft eve,so lets check in on where things stand in the Magic Kingdom:

2017-2018 Record: Shit

Needs: PG, SG, SF, PF, C, Coach, GM, Owner

Strengths: Mascot. Stuff the Magic Dragon is adorable.

POSITION ANALYSIS:
PG - The bad news is that after the Elfrid Payton trade, all that was left was DJ Augustin and Shelvin Mack, which is an absolute abomination. They can't shoot, aren't playmakers, are average defensively and aren't young. On the plus side, they only make 13 million combined.

SG - Evan Fournier, Arron Afflalo, Wesley Iwundu, Rodney Purvis, Jamel Artis. Holy god what a nightmare. None of these guys could start for a conference title participant. None of them can score (noticing a pattern?) and to make matters worse, Fournier is making 17 million for the next 3 years, which makes him untradeable.

SF - Johnathan Simmons, Mario Hezonja, Terrence Ross. Simmons is actually not too bad at 6 million a year, Hezonja is probably gone and Ross is getting 10 million in the last year of his deal. The problem is that, again, they can't shoot. Simmons is a pretty good playmaking slash and kick type but that doesn't work if he has nobody to kick to. Hezonja had moments when Gordon was hurt but the Magic declined the 5th year option and he probably won't be back. Ross was an absolute zero coming from Toronto. Not dependable.

PF - Aaron Gordon, Johnathan Issac, Mo Speights. Issac seems like more of a SF to me but ESPN lists him as a PF so here we are. Reports are that the team will match any offer for Gordon so expect some team to max him out and screw the cap even further. That month where he was lights out from downtown was nice. Every other other month wasn't. Its also very evident that Gordon can't play anywhere but PF so Issac has to slide to the SF, or get blocked from playing time.

C- The absolute disaster masterpiece. 13 million for Nic Vucevic and 17 million for Bismack Biyombo.  The NBA's equivalent of Brock Osweiler. The Serge Ibaka trade and the Biyombo signing are the final nails in the first 6 years of this rebuilding effort.

There may not be a team in the league with less talent. There certainly isn't as more forgettable team, their failures are utterly predictable and boring. At least the Nets have a nutty Russian owner doing crazy things.

DRAFT:
Mock Tendencies - Trae Young would be a disaster. Yes he can shoot but he fell apart in college when teams started roughing him up in the second half of the season and he plays no defense. He's only beneficial if he's free to roam around and play like Steph Curry. The only problem is that he isn't that good, is smaller and the team sucks so he' would get all the attention. Bad fit.

Most Orlando-y pick - Mo Bamba. a super tall guy who can't really shoot. Sounds great, lets just slide him in right next to Gordon, Issac, Biyombo, Vucevic, Hezonja, Iwundu and Birch. Shit, we might be out of roster spots.

Better fit - Wendell Carter. This would be nice because it would mean Biyombo and Vucevic aren't playing but they're still getting paid so that would be a tough pill to swallow.

Best move - Trade back, unload a contract and hope Sexton is still available. Don't give a max contract to Gordon under any circumstance. This team is four years from being noticeable.