It's strange that over the same period of time that almost nobody has realized that Orlando has been managed by a slightly retarded Myna bird. I swear Rob Hennigan is just 12 Mynas covered in a cheap suit that spent five minutes listening to Daryl Morey and can now repeat things like "collecting assets".
Sadly, giving Hennigan assets is like giving the aforementioned Myna an iPod. Although a bird randomly pecking at the screen might eventually download something useful, just by accident.
Orlando hasn't had a winning season since 2011 (strike shortened) and haven't made it out of the first round of the playoffs since 2009. It's baffling to look at the roster and see what years of ineptitude has wrought. Mostly boring players who can't shoot and would be lucky to be in a 7 man rotation on a title team. Confounding trades for Serge Ibaka, astonishing free agent signings of Jeff Green and Bismack Biyombo and horrible drafting of Hezonja and Payton leave the roster significantly worse than Philadelphia's. I would trade every player on them team for Saric and Embiid.
Making matters worse is that there is obviously no plan. A stupid photo of Patricio Garino signing a contract, (incidentally, if Garino signing a deal is tweet worthy then you should lock the doors and burn the building down) showed a whiteboard in the background with Squaking Rob's off-season master plan on it.
What is the genius plan you ask? Apparently it's to try and pursue any and everyone in the league who sucks. Seriously, check it out HERE.
Sweet Jesus, Danilo Galinari, Paul Millsap and Andre Iguadola are the best names on the board. Good god Luol Deng is on there, on a board for the future! That's like me trying to invest heavily in polio vaccinations. Worse even, at least polio vaccinations were useful at some point!
Two things should really shame everyone involved though. The board seems to imply that the team could get Rookie of the Year candidate Dario Saric for Aaron Gordon. Laughable. What on earth would the Sixers want with a PF who can't shoot from the outside? The lane is already clogged up with Embiid and Okafor and Tiago Splitter. Saric fits because he can take it outside and create space, Gordon can't and that's why Orlando had to get rid of guys like Ibaka so Gordon could go from the 3 to the 4. Even Sam Hinkie wouldn't do that.
Finally, the big white board is just insulting our intelligence. There are 2 guys on it (Moe Harkless and Tobias Harris) that the team ALREADY HAD and traded away for a bunch of used jocks and a few gallons of poisonous Flint water. Making matters worse, by all the gods in heaven, Jeff Green is on the list, TWICE! The team has him now and he sucks! He sucked for Boston, he sucked for OKC when they had KD and Russ and he sucked for the Clippers next to Blake Griffin and whichever Paul brother doesn't sell insurance. Why would he get better now?
Nevermind the fact that the list also has Omri Casspi, Nikola Mirotic and Kelly "Scalabrine" Olynyk on it. How do any of the other moves help? They are all forwards with limited ability to score. No playmaking guards, no lights out 3 point shooters, no rim protectors.
This is just a feckless abuse of a fan base. I had more hope for the future after Nick Anderson missed his 11th free throw in 95. I saw more light in the tunnel watching Penny Hardaway's knee magically transform into a rusty hinge. Rashard Lewis getting busted for steroids was a ray of sunshine comparatively because it at least showed motivation to win. The only thing that would make this team truly sickening would be a boring defensive minded coach whose favorite player is Roy Hibbert. Oh, hi Frank. Didn't notice you.
All isn't lost though, it should be interesting to see if Orlando will win the lottery and take Jayson Tatum to round out the collection of forwards or fall to to the fifth spot and take Przemek Karnowski.
Either way, the Myna abides.
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